Ebikeniagara.blogspot.com Mascot Entry #186

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There's been a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge south of the border mascot entry influence happening here today folks. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with all of the Ugly Betty/Red Condor hybrid fans but suddenly I have the spicy shits. Before I pull a Bundy on the Ferguson here's the latest mascot entry according to the fans.

Ebikeniagara.blogspot.com Mascto Entry #186

This is the FIRST TIME in www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com history that a DUO have been nominated to act as a single mascot.

The dude on the right...no...YOUR right...definitely doesn't match up to Puente.

Let a Condor know. If you don't....the e-terrorists win.

pce

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the rose city condor

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Ebikeniagara.blogspot.com Mascot Entry #187

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So for a while now you all know that I've been holding a contest to mathematically figure out who would embody the essence of the http://www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com/ Rose City Condor Red Condor E-Bike blog on the internet. The fans have been voting LONG and HARD.

Here is Mascot Entry#187. You be the judge. Let a Condor know wassup.

Does AC 'Abnormally Cruel' have what it takes?

Let a Condor know.

Cast your vote today.

pCe

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Santos Knows How To Party

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I was all Jack Handey with a deep thought regarding E-Bike life in the muthafucking BIG APPLE NYC MUTHAFUCKASSSSSSSSSSSS! and whether or not I will encounter any croosh E-Bikes come this Friday as I hit that shit up for a Winter Wonderland Weekend Wawaweewa. Along the way I noticed that Santos knows how to party.

NO! NOT SANTO!

SANTOS!

ACTUALLY Santos Party House.

Check it:

'Santos Party House has officially won all the major NYC dance club awards! On Sunday, November 16th, Paper Magazine held their Nightlife Awards. Santos was nominated for every eligible category and won them ALL! Best Club (People's Choice), Best New Club, and Best Party'

'Who the fuck cares about the Santos Haunted Pita Shack or whatever the fuck it's called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you're DEFINITELY asking yourself, your mother or loved ones crowding around you at the minute.

Well Chuckles...you should fucking care as much as you care about Popcorn getting his shit together post-Celebrity Rehab so Axl can tap into the mana pool that gave us such hits as Rocket Queen and Night Train

a fucking rattle snake suitcase? can you believe that shit? But let's get real here for a second..what the shit ass is the deal with Santos Party House...well it's owned by none other than

here's the shit that REALLY matters about the Santos Party House. I know you're so fucking excited I can smell the cheap Masengil from your mother's bat cave.

Technical Specifications
Our main floor live music system features:
ten JBL Vertec 4888 and two 4887 line array speakers
four JBL Vertec 4880 Ultra Sub Woofers
six JBL STX 812 monitor wedges
four VRX 915 monitor wedges
aSoundcraft VI6 mixing console
a Soundcraft VI4 monitor mixing console.
Our main floor disco system includes:
110 separate TAD drivers
housed in 22 custom built tri amped boxes
powered by 20 Crown I-Tech Amps
totalling 150,000 watts.
Our main floor lighting system includes:
148 different light fixtures
81 assorted RGB LEDs
26 UV LEDs (blacklights)
6 Source 4 spotlights with assistant lenses
12 Mega-Llite Axis 500 Yoke Spots
18 500W Par lamps
3 Par ACLs
2 Audience Blinders

don't stop living in the red

You're welcome Andy.

pCe!

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More HC Than Punk-More Ebike Than Bike

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While I was admiring my Ebike and dreaming for the snow to melt so I could get reacquainted with the Spandex Spicollis something near and dear to my precious little heart came to mind--Why were Malikis Happy Corn Club more hardcore than punk??? After I snacked on 2 day old shitake maki rolls I was able to answer my own question (courtesy of geocities) Thanks Geo!

TOP TEN REASONS MALICKIS HAPPY CORN CLUB ARE MORE H/C THAN PUNK

10. MHCC have their own cult
9. lead singer of MHCC is thanked in a DAYGLO ABORTIONS releases' liner notes
8. GWAR features one of MHCC's copyrighted 8-note riffs in one of their songs (anyone know a good entertainment lawyer?)
7. MHCC have been around over 7 years, and have 10 releases to date
6. MHCC have gone through over 20 members, former members either mysteriously dissappearing, being killed in bizarre gardening accidents, or suicide by sickle.
5. MHCC have songs about DAVID BERKOWITZ, PAUL BERNARDO and KARLA HOMOLKA, JEFFREY DAHMER, JACK KEVORKIAN and CLIFFORD OLSEN.
4. due to MHCC's notoriety, they are banned from playing many of their local bars, are hated by non-racist organizations, and noticed by the MAFIA (for their song of the same name, which is a tribute of sorts to CASINO NIAGARA)
3. MHCC have cool band member names like: JOHN CORNHOLE, BRADO CREAMED CORN, JIMMY CRACKED CORN, ANDY CANDY CORN, and MARC o' the BEAST
2. MHCC band member BRADO recently pulled out and fired a gun numerous times at the co-host of a local family-friendly Cable Access show, let alone lesser acts such as saying naughty words on CBC's JONOVISION, and calling an FBI agent guest on the LATE LATE SHOW w/ TOM SNYDER a serial killer.
1. lead singer injures himself on stage, resulting in a truly unique outcome; trauma to the testes causing severe hematoma which developed cysts in the areas of the lower abdomen and scrotum, all linked to the right seminal vesicle (after an operation to remove the cysts, he was fortunate not to lose his right nut, although he already has enough balls)

The lead singer (pictured middle), Brado Creamed Corn, was later replaced by his twin brother

Chad-o Creamed Corn

pCe

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What Would Chrysler Do?

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check this madness With sport-utility vehicles at the altar and auto workers in the pews, one of Detroit's largest churches on Sunday offered up prayers for Congress to bail out the struggling auto industry.

"We have never seen as midnight an hour as we face this week," the Rev. Charles Ellis told several thousand congregants at a rousing service at Detroit's Greater Grace Temple. "This week, lives are hanging above an abyss of uncertainty as both houses of Congress decide whether to extend a helping hand."

Local car dealerships donated three hybrid SUVs to be displayed during the service, one from each of the Big Three. A Ford Escape, Chevy Tahoe from GM and a Chrysler Aspen were parked just in front of the choir and behind the pulpit.

The Church of Electric Condor IS COMING!

pCe!

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Arcade Loser Hissy Fit

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Shit son! The dude at end of the clip is PISSSSSED!

pCe

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"Is This That Morrissey Dude?"

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While watching a documentary ingeniously titled 'Joy Division' about some obscure band from Haiti called Joy Division I tapped into the gloomy doomy post-epilepsy diagnosed subconscious of deceased lead singer Ian Curtis. Then I had placed all of his experiences/my experiences into a fortune cookie and removed a tiny sheet of white paper that had the following question:

'What Is Red Condor Without Road To Travel?'

I was perplexed.

I thought of the many tears the E-Bike was shedding while the fucking rain,sleet,snow ruined any chance of cruising the streets just under 39km/h.

I thought of the Red Condor's sorrow.

I thought that Ian Curtis would have the answer.

I thought that scouring YouTube for Joy Division videos would act

as a River Styx of sorts.

I thought I'd check out the clip for 'Atmosphere'.

I found no answer but the following:

bitzamalony (1 week ago) is this that morrisey dude everyone used to go on about?

reeci0 (1 week ago) this song is definetly my song for my funeral...and my last words on my deathbed are going to be "dont forget me"...but my family prob wont even turn up soo...pointless

littleteethkeith (1 week ago) I always thought the theme song from the Benny Hill show would be a cool funeral song. Just leave your family and friends forever confused.

pCe

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My Favorite Day - BLACK FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HAPPY MUTHAFUCKIN'

$$$$BLACK FRIDAY$$$$

BOOYA KA BOOYA KA!!!

Let us take a moment on this Friday to remember the Black, to reflect and pour a 40 on the curb for our dead homies--the heroes of Earth who happened to be black who also happened to leave this planet wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too fucking early. Well, at least before 'House Party 5' came out.

Oh, doesn't BLACK FRIDAY also mean maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad fuckin' dealios and 5000 thousand pound mamas living outside FASHION MAX;TAR-JAY;BEST CHI & most importantly A.J. Wright (more to be blogged about that fuckin' place later)

Why yes it does. Black Friday also exists in the Cyber World as well.

Peep this shit stain:

http://bfads.net/

http://www.blackfriday.info/

Dr.Jays mad sale!

Black Friday Canadian Deals

(sorry, no free Choclair tapes here. Though I do remember checking out Choclair with the Bird back in the day all and he fucking did was hip hop karaoke over Snoop Jams and shit. I must say, Let's Ride is fucking TUFF)

But the juice here is our bruthas from anutha mutha who have peaced us out (unintentionally) for life. Raise the Hypnotiq and press play on the following clip. Scroll down while feeling the power and glory of our nubian knights in fleshy black armor. .Totally Bummed.

At first I thought a sweet ride on the Rose City Red Condor might cheer me up, but then I'd see all of the black ice on the Niagara Region road ways and then I'd think of bruthas since passed. I'll probably just scour the Dr.Jays site for some sweet thredz

OR

FUCKIN' LAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH

FUCKIN HYSTERICALLY

AT THIS CRACKA!

pCe!

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Harry Colonic Jr

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This one is pretty crucial too.

pCe!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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the rose city condor

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Angry Youth and KIFE Comics

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So while bringing some Vice rag backissues to the grey box (no, that's not rose city slang for slamming the hot rod into some granny's wrinkle pouch from Chicken Fish Island. though, it should be) I noticed that I had forgot to save the last page from each issue. Shit SON!!! The last page lately has been a comic strip from me if i were a comic artist but instead it's some dude named Johnny Ryan.

So like any jerk in 2008 I figured I'd google that shit so I could collect as much data as I could so then I could spout off any old bullshit that nobody else has googled and come off like a fucking douche-it-all. While doing so I steve stumbled across a Johnny Ryan interview:

BAGGE: What comics did you read in your childhood?

RYAN: Lots of Marvel trash. I used to collect the worst comics, like Team America (that was a comic about motorcross) and U.S. 1 (that was a comic about trucking. I used to love trucking.).

I then realized that this comic dude WAS IN FACT ME! If you check under my bed right now there will be issues of both! About 5 issues of each came bundled in a comic bag that I got from So Low for about 3 bucks along with the RC Cola gum. Word has it that Swayze's BLACK DOG was inspired by US1.

So come take a little journey with us. It's 1983 and Marvel Comics - flushed on the success of top-selling fan favorite X-Men, critically accalimed Epic titles and a string of lucrative liscensed books - is adroitly attempting to cash in on the trucking and CB craze which swept America .... five years previous. Ten-Four good buddies!

Running twelve issues, US1 follows the adventure of U.S.Archer and his amazing cybernetic big rig US1 as they travel down US Highways and USe restrooms and the USual stuff all across the USA. U See?

US1 was something like Speed Racer with wide loads, from the assortment of vehicle-oriented villains right down to the family connection. In fact, like Speed's brother Racer X, US's brother Jeff was a mysteriously-clad driver whose path continually crossed with his brother's. The only difference was that, in his disguise as the Highwayman and driving the "devil-truck" Blackrig, Jeff was trying to off his brother.

The rest of the cast included US and Jeff's adoptive folks, the tragically nicknamed "Wide-Load Annie," and her husband "'Poppa' Wheelie.' Get it? 'Poppa' Wheelie. HAHAHAHA. Also part of the crew were US's dense mechanic friend Retread (No, not Retard), short order cook and love interest Mary McGrill and femme fatale Taryn O'Connell....

As to the story, following a near-fatal run-in with his disguised brother and that darn "devil-truck," US has a metal plate installed in his skull - turns out the thing can pick up and receive short wave broadcasts, and so US1 disturbingly christens it his "CB Skull." With that and his rig, US takes on adventure all across the nations, including more run-ins with the Highwayman, races with competing drivers (inlduing Taryn) and a confrontation with the deadly, "hypno-whip" wielding Midnight - secretly a possessed Mary McGrill turned evil.

In between attempts by the legal team of Clutch, Grab and LeGreed (sigh) to foreclose on Poppa and Wide Load's diner (The Short Stop), US is visited by the representative of an alien federation seeking an Terran trucker to represent our humble little world in civilized space. In a final issue blowout, pencilled by guest artist Steve Ditko, US and Jeff race for the privilige of being the first intergalactic errand boy (eat THAT, Futurama). Ultimately, and obviously, the race ends with US as the victor and the entire cast - minus a suddenly repentant and solemn Taryn O'Connell - moving to the fringes of known space - where I would have stranded them at the beginning of the first issue, but that's just me.

Never mind the more curious parts of the final story, such as US1 being fitted to operate as a space vehicle, or the inexplicably savage and totally unjustified sibling rivalry between Jeff and US, or the alien with the barely perceptible but often mentioned trucker-lingo-laced accent; I'll always remember US1 for one line of dialogue, uttered by Jeff as he pilots into space, and one which I feel describes the greater portion of comics published annually:

"No! I don't like it! It's too big, too dark! And it makes my stomach hurt

You can catch a better looking blog with the aformentioned shit here

pCe!!!

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Where Have My Japanese Friends Gone?

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Yes it's true, the Rose City Condor has been M.I.A for a bit and YES, it is true that the ratings have DROPPED an inciduous 36 PERCENT!?!?!!!!!!!!!

JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where you at? Only one Japanese Ebike enthusiast is keeping it real on the Condor tip! Thanks Derek, or whoever you are.

CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Has Charlie Murphy not been more entertaining than the 5 man dragon with the crazy eyes, paper mache body, and Snuffalupaguss style mysterious nature? If you say he has NOT! then I say, SORRY, Yes HE HAS! It IS that simple.
Was the moment of Screech's belittlement by a REAL LIFE drill Sergeant more of an ADRENALINE RUSH than a CHINESE FIRE DRILL!?!?!! Even if you watch the clip below...the answer is still

'YES, ROSE CITY CONDOR, A REAL LIFE DRILL SERGEANT CUSSING AT SCREECH IS MORE OF AN ADRENALINE RUSH COMPARED TO A REAL LIFE CHINESE FIRE DRILL ADRENALINE RUSH'


What the Rose City Condor wants to know is....

How many fucking 'ludes did the girl pop before the intro?

(the first person to guess correctly wins a free bitmap sent DIRECTLY to their Email INBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Well, if the current Ebike info has been lacklustre for the rest of the world well then hopefully this will reign supreme during this period of blog sweeps.

The author of the article below is an online mystery.

No name was attached to such literary beauty and grace.

Only the following grade A type jpeg of delicious jerk material was provided.

Usually when you right click 'save as' the person's name will be a part of the file. So based on that I've been able to channel the spirit voice of Robert Stack and solve this Unsolved Mystery and will identify her as:

501258060500jpg_00000046848.jpg

Or 'thumper' for short.

The dudes at the office always chant behind her back,

'good ol THUMP-ER! Pumper in the dumper!'

Oh those guys!

Here's her article--great read I must say. WAAAAAAAAAY better than that book that spelled camp with a K! And not ONE but fucking TWO spelling mistakes in the title alone!!!!. 'Camp' with a K and an F on the end?!?!?!?!? Madness.

Are e-bikes the wave of the future?
The United States is a car nation. For the entire 20th century, Americans have steadfastly embraced the automobile — even knuckling under outrageous prices to make automotive transportation the only way to go. Moreover, since the automobile was invented, this country's foreign policy has gravitated toward positions that ensure plentiful and affordable gasoline. This has held true despite numerous energy crunches and subsequent attempts to adopt alternative energies.
Until now, solar energy as a way to power motors hasn't taken off, and electric vehicles powered only by batteries are greeted with disdain. However, as battery and fuel-cell research continues, we may, one day, have the means for using this energy to power our cars.
If and when alternative energy vehicles are perfected, most Americans will still have to buy into the idea. Consumers won't blindly leap into new technology, but must be brought into it slowly.
Perhaps electric bicycles will signal a shift in attitude away from fossil-fuel power to alternative power. After all, countries not as beholden to traditional automobiles have already adopted them. The Japanese, for instance, bought more than 250,000 electric bikes from major Japanese manufacturers in 1998, according to electric bicycle consultant, Ed Benjamin. Benjamin, along with consultant Frank Jamerson, estimate that by 2001, 1 million e-bikes will be sold annually, and by 2003, 6 million will be in use worldwide.
In the United States alone, 78 million baby boomers are around the age of 50. They are the first American generation to be raised with an increased awareness of our fragile environment. They also may be the ones who believe that zipping along at 15 to 20 mph for 20 miles between recharges — without adding pollution or tapping into dwindling fossil fuel reserves — is something to consider.
As everyone knows, gas prices have skyrocketed and there's no guarantee they'll drop anytime soon. And lawmakers have made a point to target gas guzzlers. Car companies recognize this and some have leapt into the e-bike arena. This is especially true in Europe and Japan. Recently, American automakers have joined the effort. Automotive legend Lee Iacocca founded electric vehicle distributor, EV Global Motors Co.
"Let's face it, gas prices have gone through the roof," he says. "With this most recent gas hike, general inquiry calls to our office have increased significantly."
Most of the calls, says Iacocca, are people who have heard about electric bikes but really haven't paid attention until now.
"With the transportation problems facing the general public," says Iacocca, noting increased gas prices, repair costs, smog, and standstill traffic, "I am convinced that electric vehicles are the wave of the future."
Indeed, in parts of Europe and Asia electric bicycles have replaced cars altogether. Foreign consumers look for sturdy bikes that work well and are able to carry goods, says Benjamin. Americans, on the other hand, are more interested in bikes for fun, choosing sporty features and performance over functionality. For this reason, it's hard to imagine Americans will ever replace their cars with bikes. But with automakers developing e-bikes, it remains to be seen if consumers vote with their pocket books and put e-bikes on the streets. Doing so may play a crucial role in the future of all electric vehicles.

Oh by, the way, this article is about 8 years old.

PcE!

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THE ROSE CITY CONDOR

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Fuck Your Couch

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Since about '95 I was searching online for a transcript of Charlie Murphy telling his Rick James story on the Chappelle show. Every night I would watch the clip thru Winamp and just try to document whatever the fuck Charlie was spitting out. The click click stop pause click click routine was tired reallllllllll fucking quick. Every year before Canzine I would take another crack at that shit in hopes of releasing a one-off zine called 'Fuck Your Couch' with just stills and the transcript. It's 2 thousand muthafucking 8...almost 9 and I've yet to succeed...

..till now.

Just in case anybody can't figure it out:
DC as RJ is Dave Chappelle playing Rick James.RJ is Rick James.and CM is Charlie Murphy

CM: I get out the Navy, my brother's famous, his fame is exploding. I'm real proud of that. You know what I mean. I'm getting to hang out with people that I only read about in magazines and seen on the screen somewhere. I'm standing next to them, being at dinner tables with them. And you know it was a bugout, man. And you know, I was a huge Rick James fan. That's the first person that I would say that out of all the celebrities that I met, that I was starstruck.

CM: We gonna hang out with Rick James tonight, you know what I'm saying. And he comes out the room and I look at him and I'm not bullshitting, man I seen like an orange. His aura or whatever, I seen it. It was orange.

CM: We started kicking it and he was mad niggerish, man, which was, you know, right up my alley.

DC as RJ: I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. I'm one of the best singers and one of the best lookin' motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch.

CM: He'd walk up to any chick and lick the whole side of their face, man.

DCasRJ [licks chick's face]: "I'm Rick James, bitch. Enjoy yourself. Hehehehhehe."


CM: We got closer, started hanging out. My brother... didn't do any of this shit. So at night when Eddie would break out, we would all be doin', getting crazy and wild. And if I was hanging with Rick, he had this thing with me where he used to always like fuck with me, man. I don't know what started it.

RJ: "You know hanging out with the big dogs. You know, Charlie didn't know. He was doing crazy things and I had to straigthen him out, sometimes I had to go upside his head.

CM: Things escalated to the point where, you know, my man got too familar and I'd ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually, he's a habitual linestepper.

CM: First time, you know, I had to end up whooping his ass. We went to Studio 54. We walk up into the VIP section and I'm looking around to see who's there,looking at the girls and everything and all of the sudden I heard someone go:

DC as RJ: "CHARLIE MURPHY! [PUNCHES CM] That was cold blooded, in my dictionary

CM: He had this ring on to commemorate this song he had put out called "Unity".
RJ: And this was imprinted in that black head of his for at least a week.

DC as RJ: Unity!

CM: Eddie and everybody else thought that that was the funniest shit. And so that threw me in a weird space cause I'm like 'Yeah, this is Rick James, he's a star.'

DC as RJ: I'm Rick James, bitch. This is a celebration, bitch.

CM: Maybe I'm overreacting, I actually went there. Maybe I shouldn't do nothing, but my ghetto side was goin' 'Yo, stomp this motherfucker out right here.' What the fuck is wrong with him?

DC as RJ: I'm just unwindin'. I'm just getting started, bitches.

CM: He totally just wrote me off like I'm that nigger to steal on.RJ: What, he's gonna smack me back? I'm Rick James, He's Charlie Murphy.

CM: I waited cuz I knew what hotel he was staying in. Eddie and them went home and I said 'I'll be right back.' I shot up to the hotel, went up to his room and knocked on the door.

DC as RJ: So then he comes in ther and I said look bitch I'm Rick James, smacked him! Hehehehehehe. Oh!.. Charlie Murphy!

CM: He had his hand cocked to throw another right hand. When he was coming for it, I just came BWOW! Caught him with the front.

RJ: Charlie like he gave me some kind of Bruce Lee cross kick or something.

CM: I kicked the shit out of him. BWOW!CM: The wind is knocked out of him and he screams out:DC as RJ: Security!

CM: The one in the front, he had crooked eyes and shit, one eye was looking at me and the other was lookin' at Rick. And Rick had edged over by the window.

DC as RJ: Now darkness, the tables are turned! Do with him whatever you like!

CM: You motherfuckers take one more step, I'm kicking this nigger out the motherfucking window.

DC as RJ: [to security guys] Freeze!

CM: You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. Look what you did to my face.
DC as RJ: I'm sorry Charlie Murphy. It was an accident, I was having too much fun. I offer you a truce, the stickiest of the icky. You wanna smoke with your old boy Rick James?

CM: Yo man, my forehead is bumpin' man!

DC as RJ: NOw that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. But, I got the medicine. Bitch, come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy! I'm Rick James, bitch! [CLAPS]

CM: That was how that particular incident ENDED, but it wasn't the last time I had to whoop his ass.

RJ: Don't you think Charlie's a little old to be taking karate? He was probably taking it with little kids. Yeah, CHarlie whooped my ass in his dreams, I told you Charlie has delusions of grandeur in his head. I'm tellin' you what's happening.commercial

CM: The studio 54 thing, you know, that blew over you know what I'm saying. But you know, here we go again.RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug!

CM: Cause Rick is incorrigible. He shows up at my brother's house, fucked up.DC as RJ: Nice place, nigger!

CM: So he had these dirty cowboy boots on. Pushed us out of the way, barged in the house. My brother had these brand new couches, they were suede, right? And he gets on the couch and says...

DC as RJ: Why don't I stretch out? Hahaha!

CM: And just started grinding mud all into the couch, man.

RJ: Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.Offscreen dude: You remember why you did it?

RJ: Cause Eddie could buy another one.

DC as RJ: Fuck your couch, nigger! Ha ha! Buy another one, ya rich motherfucker. Fuck your couch, nigger. Fuck your couch! Darknesses, darknesses!

CM: Cause of my complexion, he used to call me darkness. He calls me and my brother darkness. Darkness brothers. See, this was long before Wesley Snipes, back then we was the blackest niggers on the planet according to Rick James.

RJ: Eddie and both of them darkness. Twin brother darkness.

CM: And we're standing there looking at him and he's looking right in our eyes as he grinds this mud.

RJ: See, I never just did things just to do them, c'mon I mean, what I'm gonna do just all of the sudden just jump up and grind my feet in somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that. ...Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.


RJ: See, I never just did things just to do them, c'mon I mean, what I'm gonna do just all of the sudden just jump up and grind my feet in somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that. ...Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.


CM: But then it was like 'You know what? Let's handle this' We went over there and we held him down and we just wailed on his legs.



DC as RJ: Awwww! You Darkness. You black. Midnight. Evil motherfuckers. Black magic, darkness. Darkness. Delirious motherfuckers. You are cold as ice.

CM: But still, Rick James, even after taking a beating like that.


DC as RJ: Fuck your couch, nigger!

CM: This motherfucker's goin out, his legs is like linguine.

DC as RJ: I've been kicked out of better homes than this. I'll be back, you black motherfuckers. Wide nose having motherfuckers. They should've never given you niggers money. You don't know how to appreciate shit. You know you can get another couch. What am I gonna do about legs, Eddie Murphy!

CM: My brother, you know, he's a lot more compassioniate than I am. He's lookin' and the limo's driving off and he says 'Wow man, Rick really needs help'. I was like 'Sho, we just gave him some help! Busted his fuckin' ass. I betcha he won't come over here and disrespect like that again.' WRONG! WRONG! You're talking about Rick James, man.

RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug.commercialCM: I had to fuck him up at 54, not at, for what we did at 54, I had to go to the hotel room and kick the shit out of him. Then he came over to my brother's house and I had to whip his legs because of what he did on the couch.

RJ: I heard him tell a story that he came into the China Club one time and I was behind the bar, now this is true.

CM: This particular night I go over to the China Club. I walk in. And I'll never forget the first thing I seen was OJ Simpson. I remember thinking to myself 'Wow, that's O.J. Simpson, he has a big fucking head, man!' And I walk from there and I went in the other section and there's Rick behind the bar.

DC as RJ: Drink up, be merry! Welcome! To the China Club! A chunna, a chinna, a chine uh, a chung a chang!CM: Rick is you know, being Rick.

DC as RJ: Come on, bitches, show me your titties! I'm Rick James, do something. Um Um! I wish I had more hands so I could give those tittles four thumbs down.

CM: I didn't realize how high he was. Next thing you know he's like:

DC as RJ: CHarlie Murphy! What's up partner?! Darkness, everybody! Everyone, darkness is spreading! Come over here Charlie!

RJ: I'm behind the bar and I'm serving drinks and Charlie bends over and I call out 'Charlie, come here.

'DC as RJ: Charlie, there's a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face?

CM: What?

DC as RJ: SLAP!!DC as RJ: Cold blooded! Bang bang! I'm Rick James, bitch. Everybody, King Kong ain't got shit on me!CM: I'm standing there, I'm thinking 'This nigger really has lost his fuckin' mind.' First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok? I mean, even when slapping was fashionable. You know, they did it Paris. The guy would come up, WAPAP! 'I challenge you to a duel.' They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go! I was just buggin' out. Anyway, I waited for five minutes, something like that.

DC as RJ: That's right, bitch! That's right bitch! Hehehe. Ah Darkness! Darkness, Brother Darkness!

CM: What's up man? I wanna tell you something. Check it out, check it out. I wanna tell you something! Come here.

DC as RJ: Oh, what's goin' on?! [CM slaps RJ]

CM: I slapped the shit out of him.

DC as RJ: Goddamn!

CM: I came down on it like this. The extensions was flying all over the place.

RJ: That is absurd!

CM: And he stepped back and his eyes welled up with water like he was getting ready to cry.

DC as RJ: Why you hit me like that, Charlie?!

CM: Cuz you hit me, man!

DC as RJ: That was weeks ago, motherfucker! I'm partying!

CM: No, that was tonight!

CM: I see that he totally really forgot.

DC as RJ: I hit you tonight?

RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug.

DC as RJ: I'm sorry Charlie Murphy. Come here Darkness. Ahhhh!It's a celebration! Bitches, come here! It's a celebration, bitches. Show Charlie Murphy your titties. I'm Rick James. Heheheh. The milk's gone bad!

CM: That was the ebb and flow. It was, you know, he would go over the top, and then I would, you know, check him. And then, we would have fun after that. We're still friends as a matter of fact.

RJ: I love Charlie Murphy. But? we have it out. Smack each other upside the head. Smack each other in the face. Punch each other in the chest. kick each other.

RJ: Can you imagine two grown men doing this? Cocaine's a hell of a drug. Hahahah. I must be losing my mind, reminscining about Charlie Murphy kicking my ass. Ain't that a B?

pCe

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The Rose City Condor

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Condor Kin

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
It's been some time since the Rose City Condor flapped his mouth & wings. The winter solstice is creeping in and the Condor's about to fly South for a warm getaway. With there being Toros in the atmosphere the Spandex Spicollis have been in hiding, fearful of what the Condor will blog about them next. On a totally related E-bike note, my nephew is 13 and is a pretty crooshial kid with the intelligence that supercedes Uatu The Watcher

matched with a highly sarcastic wit that is a knock off the ol Rose City Condor block. A really straight laced kid really into iconic Marvel Heroes who hasn't yet hit the point of becoming a rose city kid into death metal and D&D. Or has he...? (which isn't a bad thing) He posted this....

AND I WAS SO PROUD!

Obviously not his own creation but kudos for posting it.

And now it's time for a cameo...

!!!!!!!pCe!!!!!!!

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"I Will Fuck Your World"

HARVEY: Three pounds. Get the fuck out of here.
DIAMOND: I gotta move? Everyone else has been up. I don’t have to go anywhere…
HARVEY: Man, get this — somebody get his ass out of here! (Off-camera voice: “You’re done, Dustin”) You are fucking full of shit. I oughta, before you will tell me, I will beat your fuck — you must be out of your fucking part-time cartoon mind!
DIAMOND: (Turning to go) If you agree, we can set up the UFC…
HARVEY: Don’t you ever god damn motherfucking threaten me! God damn! Don’t you ever fucking threaten me!
DIAMOND: I did not threaten you.
HARVEY: You just god damn stood and said you fucking challenge me! I will wear your fucking ass out! Don’t you ever fucking threaten me! I’m hear to fucking help your fat ass!
DIAMOND: You put yourself in a protected spot…
HARVEY: No, you god-damn — first after you said you’d kick his ass, you said you’d kick mine! Why the fuck don’t you ever think?
DIAMOND: Did I say I’d kick your ass?
HARVEY: Yes you did!
IAN SMITH: You did.
HARVEY: You stood right there, and goddamn fucking said it!
DIAMOND: Can you roll the tape back? Is that what I said? Is that what I said?
HARVEY: You don’t want fuck over with me, boy, ’cause I’ll wear your fucking ass out.
DIAMOND: That’s a threat.
HARVEY: I will fuck your world
IAN SMITH: Go, Dustin. Go, Dustin…
DIAMOND: That’s the threat.
HARVEY: I think that… and you’re god damn right, It’s a fucking promise. It’s not a god damn threat. It’s a fucking promise! Don’t you ever, in your fucking life — in your fucking cartoon life… DIAMOND: (To stagehand) ….attack me on camera…
HARVEY: …ever fucking threaten me, bitch. ‘Cause I will wear your fucking ass out. Now you take that shit to your porn convention.
IAN SMITH: Get off the scales.
DIAMOND: I’m off the scales.
HARVEY: And if you ever fucking go to A, you better standby. Guarantee that shit, too. Now put that bitch on the VSPOT. Get the fuck out of here.
DIAMOND: Whatever.

It closes with Sgt. Harvey offering one final thought.
“He got away this time, but he’s lucky my home girl held me back.
“Because I was ready to dissect him.”

pCe!

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Dusty D's Done Dirt Cheap

It was Monday night and the Rose City Condor was about to drop some mad EbikeOnomics. Suddenly the Roman Emperoress was hacklin' and I was curious to see what Tracy Morgan lines had her bustin' a gut. The Rose City Condor was wrong this time around. Although I was partially correct with a brutha being involved (nope, no reverse OREO action, sorry kids. Maybe next time) it was none other than TUFF ASS Sgt.Harvey from Celebrity Fit Club BOOT CAMP layin' the verbal smackdown on a poor cracka (no pun intended) Screech Powers. Screech was going thru hard times, hence the 'poor cracka'. You see, puns work much better when you have to explain them thoroughly and throw down a link for further help. (Your fucking welcome Michael Kwan!) Otherwise known as Dustin Diamond (no relation to Mike D). It was around 8pm or a bit after so pretty much any sailor talk or bukkake scenes would be out of the question...save that shit for 9:01pm! Or FUCK THAT let's just sit and witness the mind BOTTLING event of CITY TV dropping the muthafuckin censor ball and hearing this shit straight up F BOMB JIHAD attack style. So we continued to laugh at the lack of bleeps and then laughed some more at fucking SCREECH POWERS receiving a verbal GHETTOBLASTER (RIP BAD NEWS BROWN) from Sgt. Harvey.

I'm torn between choosing the best 'mutha-fucka' administrator.

Samuel L?

Harvey?

OR

SGT. Doakes from Dexter.

BETTING ENDS!!!

pCe

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The Return To The Nest

.For The Bird's Return.

It was originally posted on the Birdman's online haven.

I let it play before reading the entry.

Suddenly...

As the Tube played Crue

It began to rain outside.

As the piano line tug at my heart strings

tear drops ran down like the trickles of downpour.

Home Sweet Home.

Only this ballad and Ozzy's self reflective 'CHANGES' can crush

any mere mortal like a blow from Beta Ray Bill's mallet.

pCe

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Red Condor vs The Fur Burger

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Rose City Condor & the Red Condor's been laying low, under the weather as they say. After the Red Condor was literally nailed in the lower ass end I thought for sure sooner or later there'd be a return to form. Unfortunately the Red Condor's now a fucking eppie leppie.

So then I thought, "sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiit ---son, what the fucks?!?!(plural) I wonder if my dad Snake (his gang name back in the day) would know the reason for the shake rattle and roll? Only if his buddy GearBox was still around". Then I L'dOL at that massive label alone...Gearbox. And what about his ladyfriend??? Mrs.Box. And then I reminisced about the good ol' In & Out Burger (which I always figured would be a croosh late night hang out for professional fornicators of the night life). hahahhahahhahah IN & OUT BURGER. Check out the Bird's latest post about a 'had to be there to truly appreciate that shit' style story involving a Bird (not the Condor) a burger, a Jim and a General.

After reflecting on the hilarity of In&Out Burger I was then transported to a time when I worked with a dude named Goode. This later morphed into GoodeBurger then obviously into FurBurger. And then there seemed to be a weird 'shit coming full circle' magic when after finding images of I&O Burger, thinking about our friend FurBurger and then finding ......

.

.

not your mom.she left my lap 2 minutes ago.she felt your eyes leering her way

.

.

.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Prez of the RCFC!!!!

(not to be confused with the Rose City Fight Club)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!pCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The Rose City Red Condor

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The Rose City Condor's Thoughts On Being A Scapegoat

.thanx to the chin-bot.

pCe

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"They Think It's An Ebike Fad, They Think It's Going Away"

...it's not going away!

Who wins?

Red Condor vs the Station Wagon which appears at 0:25:00

Who wins??

That's It vs That's All

Who Wins????

Jus Fo Decoration vs Jus Like An Alarm Clock

.

.

.

.

BETTING ENDS!

pCe

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The Condor Gets Nailed

Yoooooooooooooooo

For the past few days the Condor has been laying low, the wings have been clipped, just trying to lick the wounds and fly out of the nest of shit. Last weekend the Condor visited Westside Propane/Fries/Bikes for some repair action. The Condor's seat was becoming increasingly difficult to keep shut. As Junior from Westside PFB mentioned,

"it's just like a door handle on a car, it jams. It's just one of those things that happens over time. Like a car door, it jams and you just have to pop it back out. "

Awesome advice in less than 2 seconds...wait for it...okay watch it here it come now....for all of you fellow E-bikers out there, don't worry about the dealership mechanics fixing a fucking jib faulty bike that you've only had for about 2 months, just take a screw driver, pry the shit out of it (as a Westside PFB mechanic would), and keep on jarbling about "it's one of those things that happens, it's common".

????

Who knew that all it took was some sibling support (and some WD40)

So after leaving Westside PFB with a seat still fucking jib I venture cross the menace known as Niagara Street towards Elizabeth North. Trying to avoid the fucking North Tonawanda road styles I hear a car bomb go off. Then the Condor feels like she took a huge dump and the back end was now free of 50 or so pounds. What really happened was that Elizabeth North seems to be home to a lot of Rose City Roofers who just leave their tools and work related items scattered all over the fucking place. I ran over a nail and it took the Condor's tire right off the rim. After about 10 minutes of playing John Walsh trying to track down a family member who actually answers their home phone cell phone I figured I'd just strong arm the Condor across Niagara to rest at one of the Phat Kidz' crib at Elizabeth South (always bet on South AND Black). About 3 paces diagonally left there was some chi teen looking around all shifty as if he was waiting for a cream coloured K Car to drop off some killah Rose City Bud. Fuck do I ever know my home. A cream coloured K car (no Camaro) idles while the kid just keeps reppin' paranoia and Rose City Chiosity to the max. Dirty deals done dirt cheap. The Rose City Roofer Gas Huffer is just keeping six then comes over to give me a fucking increbible insight that blows Miss Cleo out of her jamaican hut of fantasy.

"Ah would you fucking look at that?!? Look at that Boss, you ran over a nail...took the tire right off the rim {no fucking shit....son} there's a lot of roofing been goin' on around here, some sloppy work I'd say. Then heads in to give his Chi Teen a blow jay.

Fortunately another Rose City Roofer of a less chi stature earns his stripes and helps me carry the Condor to safety. At that time the role of John Walsh (fuck HIM for jibbing over Banzai) is no more and I was able to get a Bro Law tend to the Condor's needs. $150 or so later the Condor has a new back tire.

Conclusion....shit's about to get real once again.

2 man enter, 1 Condor leave

pCe

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E-Bike Identity Crisis On Infinite Earths

Here is the Red Condor. My Red Condor. The Rose City Red Condor.

According to my lil pamphlet the Condor is a 'G Force ' ebike.

http://www.mobilityunlimited.ca/red_condor_specs.htm

But for every Jerry there is a BIZARRO JERRY

Now I present to you...

THE MADCAT

http://www.insideview.ie/photos/sightings/madcat_commuter_e_bike.html

TO BE CONTINUED...

horse...shit

no e-bike related shit here. If yr pissed...go clean out daddy's ass crack.

Horse....SHIT of 2008.

REVENGE

VERDICT

TOTAL

HORSE

SHIT

PCE

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Tard Swag

YOooooooooooooooooooooooooo suckas!


Yo, I've been receiving a tard cornicopia full of hate mail regarding the E-Bike Niagara Rose City Condor Blog and lack of E-Bike related stories. Well kids the fucking nonsense is about to change.

Last week the Condor and I had 2 slams back to back at work, 9-9 don't stop get it get it. There was a Manager's meeting in effect boyyyyyeeeeeee and I had to fill in the time slot. The 2 days were hectic but I was able to get something good out of the deal: free swag. Free shit that I assumed would most likely be exactly that - kife slabs on a triscuit. Not everything was utter doo doo on a skewer. Mostly just crap sitting around the warehouse (ie Shrek watches, Slipknot patches) and new releases that are being pushed big time (the new TV On The Radio, Sex In The Shitty DVD, Beetlejuice Anniversary edition). And some of most random shit that would put Banzai side by side with a Family Circus cartoon. The best was a single item placed in a clear Ziploc style bag with the opening folded and stapled like GI Joes at that fucking overpriced comic/toy shop on Yonge Street (8 fucking doll hairs for a scratched up Boba Fett with his back missle missing AND no weapons?!?!? W.T.Fuck?!). BEHOLD:

A random Lt.Worf Klingon action figure?!?!?!

If that doesn't say "hey fuckos, thanks for busting your ass all year and wasting valuable time at this lame ass "Manager's" Meeting, I don't know what the fuck does?

OR MAYBE I DO....

hahahhahfahkfhafhahhahfahfahhfahkfahahhjahavkjhsjkehaejhha

hahakhfdhahahahhahahhahahahahhahhahahajhfkajhfdkjahfaha

ahghahgahghakhfkafkajhhahahhahahhaha

Yes, COACH Muthafucking CARTER Wrist Bands.

pCe

ps, E-BIKE

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Third Post's A Charm (but only in 2x the speed)

and thennnn???????????????

PCE!

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Rose City Egg Hunt

About 3 minutes or whatever the fuck ago I posted about the rain fucking up the Condor. I remember the tears of baby J hitting my Mavi (mav-ee) jeans and feeling like a bloody cold bastard. "Brrr..it's cold in here. There must be some Toros in the atmosphere" I thought out loud. Days later I still feel like there must be some Toros around. Then I thought of The Rose City. Then I thought of Google Images. Then I searched Google Images for random images of the Rose City to put on http://www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com/. When I think of the Rose this comes to mind: Cold, Creepers, rabbit outfits that seem like they were bought off the set from some fucking shit ass movie directed by the creator of Friday The 13th:The Series.

Annnnnnnd thennnnnn....or rather "aaannnnnddd dennnn..."

and then it was like Mr.Google was reading my mind...

A Rose City Egg Hunt in the winter time!

PcE!!

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When It Rains Baby Jesus Is Crying

This week has been nothing but a fucking tsunami of tears from baby jeez-us. Those tears have been delivering a near death blow (read: Death Blow - When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether. ) upon the Red Condor. Monday I totally got caught in the flood of tears on the way to work and shortly after the Condor's siren call began to just go off totally Little Miss Sunshine wack horn style. Sounding much like an injured feline warrior after a tremendous battle over Meco's pizza crust with Riff Raff from Heathcliff I was very concerned for the Condor's well being. The next day AGAIN I'm caught in the downpour of BJ's tears. Now the Condor's seat won't close properly. Poor thing.

I struggled with this for the rest of the week. What is the cause of such bullshit pouring from the heavens above? What is the cause for such wetness fucking up my shit? I went to the dude at The Source hoping for an answer....fucking utter clown shoes. So I ventured to Chapters Indigo Online. The only thing 4 levels of Customer Service could tell me is that my Carpathian Forest record will have an additional 4-6 weeks of waiting time on top of the 3 I've already endured. the only thing I have in my pockets regarding the cause for the drops from above is chump change.

UNTIL I FOUND THIS.....

Resolved Question

Drew33 Is it true that baby Jesus is crying when it rains outside?

Best Answer

branofwinterfell He also cries when you touch your wee wee.

So I will retaliate by throwing a copy of Slayer's South Of Heaven up in the sky as high as I can everytime he 'cries'. If ol baby jesus (not Big Baby Jesus...RIP) wants to take out my fucking sweet ride by crying all of the time hopefully I can at least do some damage on his fucking rectum with the help of Tom Araya, Kerry King, Dave Lombardo & Jeff Hanneman.

PcE.

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