Monday, September 29, 2008

Everybody's Getting Arrested...At Bike Rally Beach

This weekend found The Rose City Condor hitting up the T-dirt all weekend long in an attempt to pimp his 'artistic creations' at the Fall Season Toronto Clothing Show. I had my Artist Rep with me and while we took a hiatus from standing around like lepers we were just about to cross University and Queen when suddenly storming towards us
No, not a greyscale jpeg charging at us like Swayze and his Black Dog but rather 200 plus cyclers with their version of how the videoshoot for 'We're Not Gonna Take It' would roll in two thousand muthafucking 8. It was pretty freaking intimidating to have all of these bikes swerving around you while crossing the street. I felt like this "play of the night". Or like some uptight principal in an 80's movie who gets caught in the middle of students gone wild and by the time the all pass me I'm left standing there naked with my Buddy Holly glasses crooked and nothing but a briefcase to cover my junk. I'd then side step slowly to the right & I'd have embarrased rosey red cheeks anime style and...END SCENE.
We hit up some shops and just after noticing how Speaker's Corner got peaced out we were at the corner of Queen & John witnessing this
More than 100 cyclists protest arrest
Sep 27, 2008 08:34 PM
Christina Commisso Staff reporterPolice say more than a hundred cyclists surrounded 52 Division on Friday evening after a demonstration resulted in the arrest of one cyclist.More than 200 cyclists met at Bloor St W. and Spadina Rd. on Friday to ride their bikes through the streets of Toronto. This ride occurs on the last Friday of every month to show motorists that cyclists are part of traffic instead of blocking it. One cyclist was arrested just after the start of the demonstration for obstruction and several traffic infraction tickets were issued. Staff Sgt. Brown of 52 Division says that the tickets are nothing out of the ordinary. However, cyclists feel that police presence during the rides has become increasingly aggressive.“Cops were pushing cyclists out of the way, I think they gave out over forty tickets,” said Katie Mazer, a cyclist who participated in Friday’s ride. “I was in a ride last year and it was much more peaceful.” Darren Stehr from the group Advocacy Respects Cyclists says that police have had an inconsistent approach toward cyclists for the last three rides. “One month they’re our friends, the next month they’re arresting us,” he said. Stehr, who has been participating in the rides for the last 10 years, thinks the increased police presence during rides will not discourage cyclists from participating, “If anything, I think it will encourage more riders to show up.”

The tail end of the pack that nearly ran us over.
The Road Warriors side of the story
Unfortunately this wasn't the dude who was arrested. Well not for any bike offense. Arrested for touching grade 9 boys trying out for the badminton team...only time will tell.

So while looking for the Cheerleader Trample YouTube link (see above) I was able to find

this
So the clip ..okay.. whatevs..it is what it is..."Vinita Nair" 'a spicy a meataball' and all that shit BUT the gold Jerry is found in the comments below the clip.

LemonAndYoghurt: I didnt understand a word she said, but I didnt need to. I think she said I want you and Id like to go out on a date with you :P
Leetus: she said something about the republica
LemonAndYoghurt: you mean the band republica?? yeah they are awesome!

And on that note

'baby I'm ready to go'

PCE

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The Rose City Condor

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Red Condor...Gold Bracelet

So I was going to post a picture of some nude chi on a bike and underneath the picture of the nude chi on the bike (hopefully an Ebike since this is an Ebike Blog, http://www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com/
to be precise) I was going to place the most KILLER PUN (not to be confused with the killer of 'Pun ) you've ever read on an Ebike Blog that focuses STRICTLY on neither Ebikes nor Niagara.
The pun would read:
The Red Condor In Action.
Afterwards you would question where the pun be at, b-otch? But along the way I found THIS instead. Check that shit out then come back to me and peep the fucking MAD science I drop after the Eddie Head below.
Why is the author concerned that "..they said nothing about Ferrari"?? and NOT concerned with the DeVry level command of the Engrish language on his article? At first I thought I had Google Translate in effect boyeeeeee but clearly not the case.
Oh and before The Rose City Condor forgets:

The Red Condor In Action

hhhahahhahahhahahahhahahhahahahahaha

hahhahhaahhahahahhahahahahahahahaha!!

Anyways,

Rest in...

PEACE!!

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ThE RoSe CitY CondoR

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Faster Than The Red Condor?????

Sorry, can't blog right now, I'm too caught up with these kids
And to answer the Title question.....
no muthafuckin way!
PCE!
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The Rose City Condor
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Saturday, September 20, 2008

Hand Job Or Custom Job

The NEW & IMPROVED 'E-Bike Youth Fascist Movement' has been congregating to discuss a very serious matter near & dear to our E-Bike fascist hearts:

According to the faqs (that's not a homophobic typo) at ebike.ca ,
"There are two approaches to acquiring an electric bicycle. Either you can start with a regular bike of your choice and install conversion kit for the electric drive, or you can purchase one of the many commercial ebikes that are on the market.
When you buy a prebuilt ebike, you get the convenience of having a turn-key product, hopefully with warranty and shop support, and a system (battery, charger, bike, and motor) that is generally well integrated and slick. At the moment though, there is shortage of well-made ebikes that are still in production. There are some good names like the Lashout, Tidalforce
[these ebikes have since been discontinued--Ed.], Giant Lafree, Panasonic Folder, Mercedeze [ Carl has since sold his Mercedes Ebike to a German friend. Maybe the same germ who has been checking out this blog lately asking for more jpegs of the Olympics held in Germany--Ed.]and many more that are either discontinued or hard to come by [Does anybody know where else I can find informative sites that suggest certain Ebike names that are discontinued? That would TOTALLY help me out--Ed]. The bikes that are seen more and more frequently today are chinese imports designed for the Chinese market.
These are usually clunky low end bicycles with hub motor drives, lead acid batteries and plastic paneling. Stylistically they often try to resemble scooters rather than conventional bikes, they are cheap for companies to import since they're produced by the millions overseas, and are now available at a Canadian Tire store near you.
The slick integration of commercial ebikes is also a vulnerability, since more often than not you become locked into a proprietary set of components and the options available for upgrading or repair are greatly reduced, especially with regards to the battery pack. You are also dependent on the manufacturing company staying in business in order for these parts to stay available. As many TidalForce owners can testify this isn't something you can count on, even with the most expensive machine.
With a conversion kit approach, you have unlimited choice in the bicycle type and style, and for individuals who are already cyclists and have refined bicycle tastes then this is almost always the best route. Furthermore, you can generally pick and choose a battery pack customized to your range, weight, and speed requirements, and have the assurance that you can always upgrade and replace it down the road.
However, along with the kit comes the installation which can deter a lot of people
[As well, any bike installations/alterations, by yourself or others, NOT connected to the company you bought it from totally voids any details of the warranty. So for example's sake, If you fuck up installing a whistle tip to make it go "WOOO WOOOOO" and shit jibs up.....you're fucked. --Ed Harris] In general, most hub motor kits are pretty straightforwards to mount if you have any familiarity with bicycle mechanics or are a competant hands-on type of person. There are also mid-drive conversion kits such as the StokeMonkey and Cyclone-USA which require a bit more modification to the bike, but have the advantage of using the motor through the pedal gears for a much wider speed and torque range at the wheel.
Both the conversions and prebuilt setups suffer from being a relatively new technology with lots of minor bugs and glitches that the manufacturers are still ironing out. A common sentiment by ebike owners is that it's quite nice, but still a little rough around the edges. This is true not just with the cheap imported conversion setups but even a lot of the more expensive and higher end ebikes which I've been caught having to repair.


So what is the lesson here? "It's only in da mo-nin"
PEACE!
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The Rose City Condor
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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Just Let Me Introduce Myself

Yoooooooooooooooooooooo

A lot of ol' ninnies are immediately captivated by the Red Condor as if they've never seen a cracker with three testies before. I'm asked 'how much/how fast/how much crack can u fit under the seat/would Diddy endorse this?

Well, to clear things up here are the Red Condor's Spex:
Wheel Base: 1230mm (48.5 inches)
Seat Above Ground: 730mm (28.75 inches)
Net Weight: w/ batteries 86kg (189lbs)
Maximum Load: 150kg (330lbs)
Maximum speed: 30+/-2km/h
Minimum Charge Range: 50-60km *
Charge Period: 4-8hrs
Wheel Size: 16" x 3.00"
Turn-Ons: A robot modeled after a real human girl. She has real hair and realistic skin. She possesses super human strength and speed and runs on atomic power. Vicki has an access panel in her back, an electric socket in her right armpit, and an RS-232 serial port under her left armpit. Vicki's artificial intelligence is not perfect. She is incapable of emotion, speaks in a monotone voice, and interprets most commands literally. She does manage to blend in to the real world to a point. Vicki attends school, and no one but her family members and a few trusted friends know her secret. Occasionally VICI had rare abilities that seemed to only appear in one or two episodes, such as elongating her neck to reach a door's peephole, shrinking her size to become as small as a doll or making herself ten feet tall to get noticed by everyone. One recurring theme was that VICI had a superpowered learning system which enabled her to improve upon something such as a new detergent or to greatly increase the gas mileage of cars, to which Ted and Jamie see it as a chance to get rich quick, only to find her improvements were not perfect. Vicki lives in a large cabinet in Jamie's bedroom, and becomes more human over the course of the show.
Cargo:Lockable rear tool box, glove box and under-seat storage
Turn-offs: the theme song from Star Trek: Enterprise;the lack of finger snapping on 'Da Kink In My Hair'; any place that sells cassettes at a jacked up price (cough, Sonic Boom) yet keeping Laser Discs at an all time low (BMV stores)
Dimension:(L*W*H*): 1870 x 700 x 1110mm (74 x 27.5 x 43.25 inches)
Brake system: F: Drum / Rear: EABS (electric absorption braking system)
Battery: 48V20AH Lead Acid - Battery Wt: 28kg (61.6lbs)
Charger: AC100-240V, BM-online (battery maintained while charging)
Motor: 48V/450W Brushless
Rated Output Torque: 32-55Nm.
Climbing Angle: 12 - 15 °
Throttle Speed Control: Right hand throttle
Operating pedals: Detachable for storage
Instrument Cluster: Ampere meter, battery, power, light and turn signal indicators
Light System: Headlight w/ high beams, turn signals, brake lights, tail lights
Features: Key ignition lock, horn, side view mirrors, sega game-gear holder
Hails From: Parts Unknown
peeeeeeeeeeace!
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The Rose City Condor
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Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Condor Flies Internationally

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
To all of my E-Bike Can/Am brejins The Rose City Condor says
'YOOOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAASSSSUP!!!!!!!!!!!!
To my NEW brejin from GERMANY The Rose City Condor says
'WAS GEHT/WAS LIEGT AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To my NEW brejin from the NETHERLANDS The Rose City Condor says
'WASSUP/WHAT'S OMHOOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

39 visits came from 4 countries/territories
Detail Level: City Country/Territory Sub Continent Region Continent
1.Canada -33
2.United States - 4
3.Netherlands - 1
4.Germany - 1
I wonder if my fellow German E-Biker read the bit about the E-Bike 'youth fascist movement' and emailed his buddy 'Dutch Oven' hoping to the Condor blog to be nothing but a tribute site to the '36 Olympics. Or maybe it's the tantalizing red/black/white colour scheme that has the kids drooling over a Wunderbar?
PEACE!!
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Rose City Condor
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Friday, September 12, 2008

More Hateration

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I've been anticipating a whirlwind of E-Bike rants from Pulse but so far no dice. Mood - Pissed (Sorry, couldn't find a 'pissed' emoticon but I did come across this drunkie monkey)
I guess I'll just have to storm the sidewalks a lil more. Till then...
From some US based forum discussing the Schwinn Electric Bike
"Ahhhhh! How lazy can we Americans get? I suppose it's fitting for an American bike maker to actually design a "secretly" electric bicycle. Hey, thanks to the mass media we have a generation of fat, McDonald's-fed adolescents wanting to look like bulemic models, so why not add lazy cyclists who want to appear like Lance?"


Hey!?! What's so wrong with looking like Lance?!?!?!?

Here's some info from a fellow E-Biker buddy who has no clue who the fuck I am nor is aware that I'm dropping his name (Chris Sampson), blog (Hangzhou Tales) and/or using his picture
Anyways so the kid says:
"Is the e-bike dangerous? yes. BUT! Is the bus dangerous? yes. Well often people get aggressive when lining up or standing on the bus and will start mini-fist fights or shouting matches."

How fucking croosh would that be to witness a 'mini-fist' fight? Like dudes all matched up like Chuck Zito vs Chuck Buchner BUT with mini-fists!! Sort of like NBA Jam HUGE BIGHEAD styles but this time around kids it's MINI-FISTS! Like a mini-mall but no stores just fist.


.vs.

Chris 'Doc' Sampson has more gold jerry but I'm going to danny that shit for anotha day.
BUT
I will leave you with one bit of 'Doc Sampson' wisdom that would even blow wiseman from the future RUFUS all the way back to the Circle K circa '86:


"So in closing china's road are in a state of near anarchy but the E-bike is fun and effective."

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The Rose City Condor

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Rose City Condor Red Condor Recap Return

Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

So once October 2009 comes 'round & all of the rootie poo legislations lay the smack down on E-bikes in Ontario The E-Bike Fascist Youth Movement will take the plan underground & scheme behind a flat screen. The Spandex Spicollis will be STILL picking the spandex wedge between their skeeter bite wangers and then
WE STRIKE!!
Until then...I want one of these:
And once the pouty-pouties start crying the blues about the 20Cups on tha streetz I'll hit 'em with one of
BAM!!!
THEN
BAM!BAM!
THEN....
PEACE! I'm out!
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The Rose City Condor
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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Rose City Condor Red Condor Recap

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Okay so if you were freakin' coldcocked last night by the Hurricane Miroslav-esque force of crucial quality television programming (Big Brother/Entourage/True Blood/MTVMVAs/US Open) then I'll danny the hammer time you should get for sleeping on the recent E-Bike info that is more detrimental than the ass exam that 'Stand Up 2 Cancer' was informing us to undergo.

I know son!!!
My thoughts exactly!!!
This shouldn't be confused with that other site 'stand Up 2 Prancer' which has the hulks of hollywood begging us to boycott the Weinsteins for ripping out 20 minutes on the new 'Prancer Returns:Revisited' which comes out on dvd tomorrow.

So if you're still some jib sticking your teeny wanger in the mashed potatoes, here's the rundown :
Around the way there were the scooter girls who were poppin' caps and johnny blazin' the streets of Thorold on their Razor . Always rip roarin' around like rip roarers or rural jurors (take your pick) on their sweet ride . Behold...the Razor Ramon of all mod bikes.

I wanted one but thought that I'd be pulling an Igor hunched all up on that shit. Although there are some chi in Niagara (Chi-agara if you will) who rock one of those lil teeny wanger 'Planet Terror' minibikes.

So whenever we were chillin' on the ver-anda of the Granny Pad the Scooter Girls would always zip by. For the longest time I've been to much of a huge vagina (with stink lines!) to rock a Vespa but always wanted one. And I was "too big" for the folks at Bigfoot to handle so ffwd a bit and BAMMMM! Like a Phoenix THE CONDOR has risen! And yes there have been insults. Yes there have been racial slurs regarding the red colour of the Condor's skin. Yes there have been cars swerving at me like Stuntman Mike. There has been a lot of Spandex Spicollis picking the spandex away from their sweaty testisacks. Porn moustaches that would put Tom Selleck or even RICK DERRINGER to shame are also in the mix. Oh yes, the E-Bike wave is spreading like a wave of high fives at Chopseys after hearing about the competitions incompetence. A new friend from around the Granny Pad way has fools frontin fly girls act material (pssst..he doesn't live at home with his mom) with what I call 'The BLUE Red Condor'

Easy now ladies!!! Close your legs!!!! There's enough BLUE Red Condor for you all!!!

Again son, I have to say I KNOW SON!!!
My thoughts exactly son, again!!!

This is something else The Rose City Condor needs (and continues to obsess over) for my nest:
BAAAAAAAAAAAAM!

The 2008 Can-Am Spyder!!!

Year (of specifications) 2008 model year
Engine 998 cc V-twin
Transmission seqential 5-speed, belt
Max speed 110 mph
Horsepower 106 hp @ 8500 rpm
Weight 316 kg / 697 lbs (dry)
Seat height 737 mm / 29 inches
The Can-Am Spyder roadster from BRP (Bombardier Recreational Products) is the first 'on-road' vehicle from the company.


Check out more of the Spyder's sweet science here

Shit son, The Rose City Condor has to go recharge. I'm peacing out early but I'll tap that blog ass tomorrow.


PEACE!

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The Rose City Condor

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Thursday, September 4, 2008

This Just In From The Condor Nest...



YOYOYOYOYOYO

While I've been ranting about Spandex Spicollis, enjoying Rick Martel's fragarance and promoting the use of sidewalks for all means of transportation others have been keeping the condor up to date on all of the brass regarding these fucking 'bike-path motorcycles' known as E-bikes. Mirage had this to say:




Currently, the jury is out on 'proper' regulation of these vehicles as they're in a 'pilot' stage by thegovernment of Ontario, with some particular eye-brow raising attention to the larger 'scooter' application (i.e.Condor), and it is working out in your favor (thus far). Your machine is classified as a "Power-Assisted Bicycle"or PAB (even though it's a scooter), and is road legal in terms of following bicycle regulations, but not that of amotorcycle, moped, or scooter. The brass tacks have not been ironed out in terms of the specific classification forroad use in the future, mainly relating to their likeness to Mopeds.

aka


"Currently, the jury is out on 'proper' regulation of these vehicles as they're in a 'pilot' stage by the government of Ontario, with some particular eye-brow raising attention to the larger 'scooter' application (i.e.Condor), and it is working out in your favor (thus far). Your machine is classified as a "Power-Assisted Bicycle"or PAB (even though it's a scooter), and is road legal in terms of following bicycle regulations, but not that of a motorcycle, moped, or scooter. The brass tacks have not been ironed out in terms of the specific classification for road use in the future, mainly relating to their likeness to Mopeds."

PAB eh? So that will be the true birth name of the Condor ....

PABLO (Power-Assisted Bicycle Loves Opposition)

Essentially sooner or later the shit will drop. But what I would like to ask is what about the old ninny 4-wheelers and the kiddy push scooters that have motors and shit? I've had fucking Spandex Spicollis yell to get my 'motorcycle off the pathway' but the old perv from Family Guy blazing the trail with no feedback whatsoever. He's even inviting kids from popcicles in the basement?!?! But the kids have to stay down there to eat them with him as the 'upstairs heat will melt them immediately. The Mirage also mentions:

As a comparison - in Ontario, Mopeds are considered a "limited speed motorcycle" and DO require licensing (written test, M1, M2 etc), plating, and insurance to operate - where as yours obviously does not. Many 'purists' who consider some of these new E-Bikes and all E-Scooters to be in league with Mopeds seem to be trying to have this same(unfortunate) classification of "limited speed motorcycle" placed on some E-Bikes and all E-Scooters going forward,instead of their current PAB status. This would mean that you would possibly need a license (testing), plating,insurance, and for the vehicle to pass a safety test to be road-legal. The 'pilot' duration is set to expire in October of 2009, at which time legal changes may take effect. I'd keep those revolutionary fingers crossed if I were you.


Also I would have to ask, 'what is the definition of "limited speed motorcycle" in terms of speed? Is it a matter of the Condor not being able to hit 60k ? 50k? 43.3534k? A gentleman informed me of ways to tweak the bike so that The Condor could bypass certain speed caps (but that would make the Condor ineligable for any shenanigans covered by the 1year warranty) therefore is the Condor so limited after all? And again, what about the Ninny Wagons? And also there is the debate of what makes a 'motorcycle'? If I had one of those Bigfoot Powerwheels and tweaked it, what then?

E-Bike Laws, Ontario

A quote taken from the above link.

"This inconsistency has been raised to the attention of the Electric Vehicle Council of Ottawa (EVCO) and is currently before the Provincial Offences Courts.[12] In Ontario, mopeds require, plating, and insurance. (HTA, section 7, and TheCompulsory Automobile Insurance Act) Owner of such vehicles may, depending on their insurer, be required to show a safety certificate when insuring their vehicle.[13]"

Government Info On E-Bikes

(quotes from above 1979)

"The province continues to review both existing and new vehicle types to determine whether they fit into the HTA(Highway Traffic Act) or if a new vehicle definition is required. Road safety will be a key consideration in determining which new vehicles or devices may operate on Ontario's roads."

"The ministry has become aware of scooter-style vehicles that technically meet the pilot's e-bike definition, but not the intent, as they are not primarily operated by muscular power due to their heavy weight. Therefore, in addition to evaluating how safely the e-bike can integrate with other motor vehicles, bicycles, and pedestrians, the emergence of the scooter-style e-bikes requires the ministry to also assess if the pilot's original intent continues to be appropriate. The ministry may clarify its position on the original intent of the pilot when final legislation is drafted."

Gov't E-Bike FAQ

(more quotes from above 1979)

"17. If a police officer stopped someone who is drunk while driving an e-bike, how would they be charged? Would this be a Criminal Code offence? HTA offence?

A - Drinking and driving a motor vehicle is a Criminal Code offence and charges are laid under the Criminal Code of Canada. Under the Criminal Code, the definition of a "motor vehicle" includes an e-bike and anyone operating an e-bike while intoxicated could be charged with impaired driving. If convicted, the offender would be subject to the CriminalCode penalties, including a fine or jail time; and a driving prohibition. However, under this pilot regulation, an E-bike would not be a motor vehicle under the Highway Traffic Act, so penalties for impaired driving under the Act would not apply."

What about the Ninny carts? When I was blazing up the Canal Pathway with the Condor en route back home to the Rose a man by the name of Gerry Atric riding an ol' ninny bastard cart was chatting me up. He had just came back from the Rose City hospital, had some x-rays taken and excused his subtle slur caused by the few he had (not at Meco's) but at the Bridge Pub. Would that son be charged? Would his cart fall under motor vehicle? When it comes down to it...what about the ol fart carts? You're wondering who is the final Cylon yet to be revealed???? Fuck that! What about the Ninny carts? Is David Spade the biological father to his Ex-girlfriend/Playboy Playmate's child on the way? Fuck that! What about the Ninny carts? (But actually it was confirmed, he IS) Do you like people playin on your phones? Fuck THAT! I don't like people playing on my phones AND what about the Ninny carts?

More goodies from the Mirage:

Here's another good link / article on scooters in general which includes your PABLO:

A quote from it.

"The PABs have not been without controversy.[My kinda bike--Rose City Condor] Many cyclists on muscle-powered bikes are frustrated that the larger PABs- electric scooters - are being ridden in bike lanes and pathways in parks. They argue that the electric scooters'bulk and weight pose safety risks to other cyclists, and that there needs to be greater clarity as to what qualifies as a PAB, and what should be considered a full-grown scooter. However others have argued that the electric scooters are appropriately labeled as a PAB because of their limited maximum speed of 32 km/h (which is much slower than traditional scooters)."

First off, have these T-dot T-douches seen The Rose City Condor??? You want muscle power go check out Lou Ferigno (who i did have a pose off with ...and WON...maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that) How the fuck does this pose a safety risk??? THEY'RE FUCKING FLLLLLLLLLLLYING PASSED ME! I can't even run into the fucks are side-swipe them since they just fucking Ben Johnson by me. My good friend

even fucking smokes me! He's in the fucking Welland Canal avoiding mattreses, ten-speeds ghost ridden into the abyss, rose city sluts who didn't make it to their next shift at Babies and the fucking dude from Crabbie Joe's Smokes the Chron!! Somebody call Geraldo and tell him that Hoffa's belongings can be found in the Rose Canal. The fucking glacier that smoked the Titanic even poses no threat for my friend

and he is still able to pass on by. I just think they fucking 2-bit Tom Sellecks On Wheels are jealous they have to fucking exert themself while I just cruise with the greatest of ease. Some chick on an E-Bike could even have a moustache ride in progress and still be able to just cruise on her E-Bike. That makes the Spandex Spicollis jealous. They're just angry they have to pedal. Jealous they can't get a moustache ride while on their bike. E-Bikers can. Take that. If I wanted to ride free and easy with Kenny the Half-Man from Springer on my lap playing Paperboy on Gameboy, we can do that. Spicollis would be pissed!

Hahhahahhahahah, my E-Bike's name is PABLO! (Cue DX Rage rip-off theme here)

pCe

THe RoSe CiTy ConDor

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Road Rage

I found these rants in the Pulse around August:




This is to all you cyclists everywhere, it's great that you want to ride your bikes everywhere. But evrytime I pass you once, I shouldn't have to pass you again. Start acting like a car. Obey the rules of the road and stop acting like morons.
[Pulse Editor's Note: And I wish everytime I passed you on my bike, I wouldn't have to pass you again as most drivers speed up just to sit at a red light. If both agreed to not act like morons, the roads would be a much safe place.]

----Aug.11, 2:42 am


The same can be said for the fucking spandex Spiccolis [as in WWF Louie (RIP) , not Jeff] who feel the need to show off like Mr.Perfect when he threw a touchdown pass to himself (but they're nowhere as perfect) and speed right passed you only to have you fucking granny it behind them as they drink their Faygo from some 'high-tech' sports bottle (which actually just fell out of a plane just above X-cess Cargo and is really only shit-tech. BAM!).


Moving along...


I totally enjoy this (especially at 1:15 in) to the max and this second rant (found in the Pulse):
To all the asshole drivers who say they like to splash)pedestrians and cyclists: watch yourself. The next person you splash just might be splashing a rock in their pocket ready to pack a pitch into your back window.

--Aug.10, 7:43 pm

I'm not sure how you splash a rock in your pocket, perhaps you can make a splash in your pocket with a rock (of a hammer) but in the meantime...

PCE!!!

THE ROSE CITY CONDOR

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Monday, September 1, 2008

The Red Condor Returns

Wassssssssssup...





It's been a few...I had a nearly 9/11 PC scare...Bless Allah for I.T. nrrrdz. As well the Condor was 'in tha shop' having the the teeny wanger throttle situation fixed. The Condor couldn't handle any slope/bump too well, that shit couldn't handle the areola on your momma's left tit let alone Burleigh Hill. The gentleman took a break from the WestSide Fry Truck and brought my Condor to a shop in T-dirt. The Condor was dissected while they listened to this album . It turned out that the speed limiter was plugged in limiting the Condor's speed and enhancing my need for speed. Alleged-lee any bike that can exceed 20k in China is prohibited from using the bike lanes thus the limiter is placed. Now considering that the Condor has only 2 bits that are Amerian/Canadian made (the 'Mobility Unlimited' sticker on the back and the 'Ebike' storage compartment) it makes sense that the tools and regulations of Asia (not the band, that would rule though) are implemented. Now the Great Condor smokes the Giant Tiger sponsored Spandexers on their Tour De Fonthill 10 speeds. Well, The Condor smokes them only if they're going less than 40 k. But nonetheless they're pissed and envious at the same time. Or maybe their look is brought on by their gel seats and grinding motion. Sick fucks. So while you're wondering why there is a lack of paragraph breaks and run-ons I will take this moment to thank all of the Condor Lovers out their in the world. The online feedback has been crucial, the on-road feedback has been minimal since I placed a sign on the Condor's beak that reads "This Isn't A Motorcycle...Quit Crying The Fucking Blues". One person who uses both a computer AND the internet informed me that I should 'air brush some wizards on that bitch'. That was a great moment indeed. Another gentleman who utilizes his online access to the max informed me that I should wear a cape. I already have my Nacho Libre cape at the cleaners. The cleaners are located right by Fongs and across from the Thorold Sev. If you park your E-bike there, use dual kickstand not the single (that lot is too hilly slanty) Your bitch might tip like a cokehead at the Saucer who just came from the Downer and received no action who then in turn finds the most slightly attractive server and gives her a fiddy for a side of olives and a vodka shooter. If you don't get it, that means the tip will be a lot. So don't park there (at Sev, on the hill) . Another individual of the non-male sort mentioned that the E-Bike Niagara Blog was "ridiculous".


I noticed 2 ads in the Pulse advertising e-bike shops. I noticed some jib down the street has an e-bike that is slightly faster but seems heavier. I noticed an E-bike at the Brownstone Pub that could reach a top speed of 60k. And I noticed that some 8yr old girl has an e-bike that looks like a vespa but is way smaller in size and runs at about 28k. At the time that was only 4k less than the Condor. I took a picture to admire the bike's Vespa like features. Some say I took the picture to admire other features that would make me a star on Dateline NBC.




Way more informative:

http://www.ebikes.ca/

rules and stuff that are folklore in my mind http://www.macphersonclan.com/rod/ebike/wordpress/?cat=4

http://www.citybikercanada.com/?p=26

an e-biker's blog that only revolutionized the idea of having a dead blog which hasn't been updated in a year: http://ebikerevolution.blogspot.com/

pCe,

The Rose City Condor

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