So for a while now you all know that I've been holding a contest to mathematically figure out who would embody the essence of the http://www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com/ Rose City Condor Red Condor E-Bike blog on the internet. The fans have been voting LONG and HARD.
Here is Mascot Entry#187. You be the judge. Let a Condor know wassup.
I was all Jack Handey with a deep thought regarding E-Bike life in the muthafucking BIG APPLE NYC MUTHAFUCKASSSSSSSSSSSS! and whether or not I will encounter any croosh E-Bikes come this Friday as I hit that shit up for a Winter Wonderland Weekend Wawaweewa. Along the way I noticed that Santos knows how to party.
NO! NOT SANTO!
SANTOS!
ACTUALLY Santos Party House.
Check it:
'Santos Party House has officially won all the major NYC dance club awards! On Sunday, November 16th, Paper Magazine held their Nightlife Awards. Santos was nominated for every eligible category and won them ALL! Best Club (People's Choice), Best New Club, and Best Party'
'Who the fuck cares about the Santos Haunted Pita Shack or whatever the fuck it's called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you're DEFINITELY asking yourself, your mother or loved ones crowding around you at the minute.
Well Chuckles...you should fucking care as much as you care about Popcorn getting his shit together post-Celebrity Rehab so Axl can tap into the mana pool that gave us such hits as Rocket Queen and Night Train
a fucking rattle snake suitcase? can you believe that shit? But let's get real here for a second..what the shit ass is the deal with Santos Party House...well it's owned by none other than
here's the shit that REALLY matters about the Santos Party House. I know you're so fucking excited I can smell the cheap Masengil from your mother's bat cave.
Technical Specifications Our main floor live music system features: ten JBL Vertec 4888 and two 4887 line array speakers four JBL Vertec 4880 Ultra Sub Woofers six JBL STX 812 monitor wedges four VRX 915 monitor wedges aSoundcraft VI6 mixing console a Soundcraft VI4 monitor mixing console. Our main floor disco system includes: 110 separate TAD drivers housed in 22 custom built tri amped boxes powered by 20 Crown I-Tech Amps totalling 150,000 watts. Our main floor lighting system includes: 148 different light fixtures 81 assorted RGB LEDs 26 UV LEDs (blacklights) 6 Source 4 spotlights with assistant lenses 12 Mega-Llite Axis 500 Yoke Spots 18 500W Par lamps 3 Par ACLs 2 Audience Blinders
While I was admiring my Ebike and dreaming for the snow to melt so I could get reacquainted with the Spandex Spicollis something near and dear to my precious little heart came to mind--Why were Malikis Happy Corn Club more hardcore than punk??? After I snacked on 2 day old shitake maki rolls I was able to answer my own question (courtesy of geocities) Thanks Geo!
TOP TEN REASONS MALICKIS HAPPY CORN CLUB ARE MORE H/C THAN PUNK
10. MHCC have their own cult 9. lead singer of MHCC is thanked in a DAYGLO ABORTIONS releases' liner notes 8. GWAR features one of MHCC's copyrighted 8-note riffs in one of their songs (anyone know a good entertainment lawyer?) 7. MHCC have been around over 7 years, and have 10 releases to date 6. MHCC have gone through over 20 members, former members either mysteriously dissappearing, being killed in bizarre gardening accidents, or suicide by sickle. 5. MHCC have songs about DAVID BERKOWITZ, PAUL BERNARDO and KARLA HOMOLKA, JEFFREY DAHMER, JACK KEVORKIAN and CLIFFORD OLSEN. 4. due to MHCC's notoriety, they are banned from playing many of their local bars, are hated by non-racist organizations, and noticed by the MAFIA (for their song of the same name, which is a tribute of sorts to CASINO NIAGARA) 3. MHCC have cool band member names like: JOHN CORNHOLE, BRADO CREAMED CORN, JIMMY CRACKED CORN, ANDY CANDY CORN, and MARC o' the BEAST 2. MHCC band member BRADO recently pulled out and fired a gun numerous times at the co-host of a local family-friendly Cable Access show, let alone lesser acts such as saying naughty words on CBC's JONOVISION, and calling an FBI agent guest on the LATE LATE SHOW w/ TOM SNYDER a serial killer. 1. lead singer injures himself on stage, resulting in a truly unique outcome; trauma to the testes causing severe hematoma which developed cysts in the areas of the lower abdomen and scrotum, all linked to the right seminal vesicle (after an operation to remove the cysts, he was fortunate not to lose his right nut, although he already has enough balls)
The lead singer (pictured middle), Brado Creamed Corn, was later replaced by his twin brother
check this madnessWith sport-utility vehicles at the altar and auto workers in the pews, one of Detroit's largest churches on Sunday offered up prayers for Congress to bail out the struggling auto industry.
"We have never seen as midnight an hour as we face this week," the Rev. Charles Ellis told several thousand congregants at a rousing service at Detroit's Greater Grace Temple. "This week, lives are hanging above an abyss of uncertainty as both houses of Congress decide whether to extend a helping hand."
Local car dealerships donated three hybrid SUVs to be displayed during the service, one from each of the Big Three. A Ford Escape, Chevy Tahoe from GM and a Chrysler Aspen were parked just in front of the choir and behind the pulpit.
While watching a documentary ingeniously titled 'Joy Division' about some obscure band from Haiti called Joy Division I tapped into the gloomy doomy post-epilepsy diagnosed subconscious of deceased lead singer Ian Curtis. Then I had placed all of his experiences/my experiences into a fortune cookie and removed a tiny sheet of white paper that had the following question:
'What Is Red Condor Without Road To Travel?'
I was perplexed.
I thought of the many tears the E-Bike was shedding while the fucking rain,sleet,snow ruined any chance of cruising the streets just under 39km/h.
I thought of the Red Condor's sorrow.
I thought that Ian Curtis would have the answer.
I thought that scouring YouTube for Joy Division videos would act
as a River Styx of sorts.
I thought I'd check out the clip for 'Atmosphere'.
I found no answer but the following:
bitzamalony (1 week ago) is this that morrisey dude everyone used to go on about?
reeci0(1 week ago) this song is definetly my song for my funeral...and my last words on my deathbed are going to be "dont forget me"...but my family prob wont even turn up soo...pointless
littleteethkeith(1 week ago)I always thought the theme song from the Benny Hill show would be a cool funeral song. Just leave your family and friends forever confused.
Let us take a moment on this Friday to remember the Black, to reflect and pour a 40 on the curb for our dead homies--the heroes of Earth who happened to be black who also happened to leave this planet wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too fucking early. Well, at least before 'House Party 5' came out.
Oh, doesn't BLACK FRIDAY also mean maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad fuckin' dealios and 5000 thousand pound mamas living outside FASHION MAX;TAR-JAY;BEST CHI & most importantly A.J. Wright (more to be blogged about that fuckin' place later)
Why yes it does. Black Friday also exists in the Cyber World as well.
(sorry, no free Choclair tapes here. Though I do remember checking out Choclair with the Bird back in the day all and he fucking did was hip hop karaoke over Snoop Jams and shit. I must say, Let's Ride is fucking TUFF)
But the juice here is our bruthas from anutha mutha who have peaced us out (unintentionally) for life. Raise the Hypnotiq and press play on the following clip. Scroll down while feeling the power and glory of our nubian knights in fleshy black armor. .Totally Bummed.
At first I thought a sweet ride on the Rose City Red Condor might cheer me up, but then I'd see all of the black ice on the Niagara Region road ways and then I'd think of bruthas since passed. I'll probably just scour the Dr.Jays site for some sweet thredz
Yo, I just gots an E-Bike. That shit pisses people off rail quick son! I max speed at 32k, ludicrous speed if you axe me.
They call me the Condor.
Holla if you hear may.
Time to do work son.
pCe.
LONG and HARD. 
Let a Condor know wassup.
getting his shit together post-Celebrity Rehab so Axl can tap into the mana pool that gave us such hits as Rocket Queen and Night Train
The lead singer (pictured middle), Brado Creamed Corn, was later replaced by his twin brother
With sport-utility vehicles at the altar and auto workers in the pews, one of Detroit's largest churches on Sunday offered up prayers for Congress to bail out the struggling auto industry.
.Totally Bummed.
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