E-Bike Niagara

2011-07-05T15:52:00.002-04:00

Yoooooooooooooooooo

So Casey Anthony gets off (wtf?!) Totally disgusted. Mood: pissed. Definitetly there needs to be a Jack Ruby in place. BUT i guess i should just listen to 'boss bitch' and do the following:

"_BOSS_BITCH_:
MAN STFU BOUT CASSEY MY DAMN DADDY DONE GOT AWAY WITH PLENTY OF MURDERS,
LET GOD HANDLE DAT YOU NONFACTORS CAN'T DU SHIT BOUT IT #GETOVERIT
3 minutes ago from TweetCaster"

Pce

Rose city red condor

Shittsthebedburgh

2011-04-27T23:32:00.002-04:00

Thanks fleury for deciding to finally get your "A-game" going only after letting a 3-1 game lead slip, allowing for 8 goals against in game 6 and tampa to be up 1-0 more than halfway thru game 7. Only then do u start making big saves?!?!?? Tampa with a 3 game str8 comeback?!?!??? Tampa??? Seriously?!??? I don't care what type of season they're having blah blah blah..... seriously? What the fuck?!?!

BYE BYE (Jail) BIRDIE

2011-03-01T23:36:00.007-05:00

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BYE BYE (Jail) BIRDIE

You've probably heard the wack line ' i hope they serve beer in hell'...
I will let the jabronies all over the world debate that one....
BUT
one thing I CAN tell you is that there will be plenty of pink tacos served in 'hell' for
scum like this
be sure to peep the reader comments...
A sign that there are some kidz with a solid mind (and unfortunately the fucking jibs who will continue to breed jibs forever and ever amen)
Charles Bronson, I love you.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/story/2011/03/01/kish-guilty-verdict458.html

Not a total victory but still there's a slight echo of Drama with his viking helmet ringing in my ears. (google images that shit..son)

Pce
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the rose city red condor
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Condor Croosh Of The Week - Jan.23/11

2011-01-23T13:54:00.002-05:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
croooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh

two in the shirt

pce

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the rose city red condor

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Irony.the social network.ups scams.better things 2 do?

2011-01-15T22:17:00.002-05:00

Yooooooooooo

I recently purchased the social network ( which I found to be released crazy fast yo) and just peeped that shit 2nite. Definitely worth owning. Def the flick of '10 (until I see black swan) anyways u prob know the deal how it is the facebook movie and deals wit computer program ideas, ideas taken and improved upon,Internet legalities , codes,HTML,coke snorted off a chick's chest, friendships,cease and decist...desist..??..emails, other 'r u serious????' scare tactics and timberlake as the napster dude. About 30 mins prior to this post the condor opens up the g unit mail to a most ironically timed reader comment email.

Pce
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Condor Croosh - Dec.5/10

2010-12-08T01:15:00.007-05:00

yooooooooooooooooooooooooo
First tings first: fuckin snow. And I'm not talking 'Informer'. The Condor's in full hibernation style.
Next tings next: Croosh meaning crooshial meaning crucial.
And dennnnn: these are the Rose City Red Condor's croosh picks of the week or shit that is just croosh and is thought about during said week.

1) The Phantom Of The Boardwalk

2)Little Lackey Grows A Pair

Watch him in Snatch then jump back to this shit.

3. Gary Oldman as Sid Vicious in 'Sid & Nancy'

4) THE SOUP is BACK!

CanWest Global gave it a try from 2007 to 2009, now it's CTV's turn. On November 29, CTV will convert its Star! specialty cable service into E! Canada.
Many E! favourites, from south of the border, will now be easier to find on the new network, compared to the Global version which really only carried a minimal amount of content on what used to be CH. Even after its rebranding, CH’s focus was mainly that of local programming and American simulcasts with the other major networks. Now, E! simulcasts will actually be with E!, for the most part.
In other words, The Soup won’t air on a 2-day delay and PVR-deprived Montrealers won’t have to stay up until the god-awful hour of 1:35 AM to watch Chelsea Lately. Even E! News, which somehow was expanded to a full-hour during the brief period it was unavailable to Canadians, will be a simulcast at 7 PM ET

pce

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Condor Catch Up 2010

2010-10-19T19:13:00.005-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Time for some Condor Catchup Action 2010 style.
Shit I've just forgot to mention or just been too lay-z wit.

1) Congrats to The Crosby Kids aka The Pittsburgh Penguins for winning the Stanley Cup in 2009. Blaht Blaht. ICEBERG, Ice T style.

Update---Jan.15/11

Below is a very informative article which was NOT written by the rose city condor or any of the lil birdies pertaining to this nest. Originally found here
http://trueler.com/2010/09/13/ups-brokerage-fees-total-scam-fraud-cheating-avoid-it/

If you have ever checked out any other post here one thing is very clear----- proof reading????......peace... Mistakes? U betcha! Items left out accidentally to never be corrected? Bingo! Any other users who commented personally all asked the same thing...
'can u fwd the site where u found that?'
Just the case of sharing a good tip and failure to fully credit the orig location. If I were to trying to punk it myself I wouldn't hav included the 'posted by admin' bit...........................what kind of rad handle is that??????

From ehow.com--- by C.L. Williams
"5
Enclose all borrowed content in either double quotation marks or blockquote code tags. This practice differentiates the text from surrounding material and immediately informs readers that the work is not your own.
6
Give proper credit to original sources when quoting the work of others in a blog post. Mention the originating author by name in the body of the article rather than at the end in a footer note or a link, as well as the complete title of the original work if possible."

see?? The Internet can learn u things

UPS Brokerage Fees – Total Scam, Fraud, Cheating. How to avoid it.
By 'trueler' http://trueler.com/2010/09/13/ups-brokerage-fees-total-scam-fraud-cheating-avoid-it/

""Here is the legal way to import goods from USA into Canada with courier companies like UPS, or FedEx, and avoid their outrageous customs brokerage fees without driving hundreds of miles to the port of entry. CBSA officially replied that UPS forces customers to pay brokerage fees illegally.
When you want to order some goods for personal use from US into Canada, you want it to be delivered fast and cheap. It can be orders from eBay, and many other stores across US. Many eBay sellers do not deal with UPS anymore because of outrageous customs brokerage fees. Usually buyers face this fee only at the door, when package is delivered.
It is called C.O.D. (collect on delivery) invoice which includes duties and taxes for imported goods, and UPS customs brokerage fees and other UPS fees like collect on delivery fee, bill integrity fee, taxes on the fees and so on. This C.O.D. bill is usually about 50% of the item’s price! Of course duties and taxes must be paid, but it is usually from 5% to 15% for casual goods (no alcohol, or tobacco, or other goods for which duties applied) depending on the province.
When importers see the invoice to pay extra 50% of the item’s price thay order, some of them just refuse to pay, and item is shipped back to the seller. The sellers do not like this as well as importers, and ship items with more expensive and pretty slow USPS mail service. It goes through Canada Post to the addressee in Canada, and they charge $5 for customs clearance. But USPS delivery can take up to 6 weeks, and theirs delivery cost is higher than for UPS Ground.
Depending on the order’s price, UPS Customs Brokerage Fee varies up to 50%. For example, for the order of $40.01 the brokerage fee is $19.45 + tax, according to the table at UPS website.
If you still want to use advantage of pretty fast, guaranteed, and trackable UPS ground service to ship your imported goods from US into Canada,
You do NOT have to pay UPS brokerage fees!
I’m not advising you to use other courier services, like USPS, or driving hundreds of miles to the port of entry in order to clear items by yourself as UPS forces you to do, otherwise paying brokerage fees.
You do NOT have to be in the port of entry to clear your items!
I’ve ordered some auto parts from California, and UPS forced me to pay brokerage fees. They told that there is absolutely no ways to clear items by myself in local CBSA office other than port of entry. I have spent almost two months to investigate and escalate this issue with UPS and CBSA (Canada Borders Service Agency). Finally I got a call with apologies about the incident and official reply from CBSA which indicates the following:
You are allowed to self clear your personal shipments and pay any duty/taxes owing at an office other than where the goods are being held.
UPS SCS (Ground) was also incorrect to inform you that you had to present yourself at the office where the goods were located.
CBSA also advised me that they are going to inform courier company and CBSA offices to ensure they are aware of the proper procedures.
There are local CBSA (Canada Borders Service Agency) offices in GTA (I’m located in Toronto) where you can pay applicable duties and taxes for imported goods. There is absolutely no need to drive into Windsor or Fort Erie to clear your items. There are also a lot of CBSA offices across Canada, so you most likely may choose one which is pretty close to you.
Here is the way how to avoid UPS brokerage fees:
Place your order at US store with UPS delivery option
Print out your commercial invoice (PayPal invoice, or e-mail receipt from the store). You may want to make sure that shipper will put the correct price on the package for customs (just send them a note about it)
Wait for item to be shipped and get your tracking number
Call UPS, give them tracking number and tell that you want to clear your items by yourself in your local CBSA office. They should instruct you what you will need to do
Note: this mechanism can be only applied for Low Value Shipment program (LVS),when order’s price does not exceed $1600 CAD. In case of more expensive goods you will need to present yourself at the port of entry to clear your goods, or find a broker to do this for you.
If for any reason UPS still tells you that you can not clear items by yourself in local CBSA office, and you must go to the port of entry in order to pay duties/taxes – it is illegal! Insist on your rights. Tell that they violate the law. Mention that there is an official reply from CBSA. If you get the refusal from UPS, write down the name of the person you talked to, time, and phone number you called in. Please describe your case to me and I will forward it to the person in CBSA who investigated my case and replied to my inquiry. I’m not posting his contact information here to avoid spam. He advised to contact him if this issue is repeated again.
I believe that it should be applied not only to UPS, but to all other courier services. For example, FedEx brokerage fees must be avoided in the same way.
Updated information as of October 17, 2010.
Canada Customs (CBSA) officially replied and provided procedure of self clearing process which UPS, CBSA offices, and importers should follow:
If you are planning to have future shipments sent to you by courier from outside Canada, you do have the option of refusing the accounting services offered by the company, choosing instead to clear the goods yourself through your local CBSA office. If you choose to do this, you will not incur any brokerage fees. The two options available to you are the following:
1. Prior to receiving your shipment, you can contact the courier company and inform them of your wish to self-clear any shipments that are addressed to you and on which brokerage fees are applicable. The company will explain their procedures to you.
2. As an alternative, when a casual shipment is delivered to you, you can refuse delivery and advise the courier company of your intention to self-clear directly with the CBSA. In this case, please ensure that you take note of the unique shipment identifier number on the package, as the shipment will be returned to the courier’s warehouse.
With both options, you will need to visit your local CBSA office and provide them with specific details, including the courier’s name, the unique shipment identifier number, a description of the goods and their value so that the CBSA can correctly assess the goods. This information is usually indicated on the shipment’s invoice, which will be provided to you by the courier company. When you have paid the applicable duties and/or taxes to the CBSA, you will be given an official receipt indicating that the goods have been accounted for. You will need to present this receipt to the courier’s warehouse where your shipment is stored, in order for the courier to release your shipment to you.
We may conclude, that in order to self-clear goods in local CBSA office we need following:
- Courier’s name: UPS
- Unique shipment identifier number: UPS must provide
- Shipment’s invoice: UPS must provide
- Place where the package is being held
Let’s stop UPS outrageous behavior and lawlessness, and force them to obey the simple law and allow importers to self-clear without paying brokerage fees!
Tell about this procedure to all people who use UPS (or other couriers with high brokerage fees) to import goods from US into Canada! If UPS will hear about it from importers hundreds/thousands times per day, they will definitely start to use new procedure.""

Peep the 36 minute 'Runaway' video by Kanye---and you thought this blog was wack!

http://kanyewest.com/

Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wife Hide That Original Halloween Costume Idea

2010-10-19T19:09:00.002-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

no time for an introduction son!

you should already be on the know.

http://bedintrudercostume.com/

pCE!!

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set adrift

2010-08-02T21:33:00.001-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

pCE

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the rose city red condor

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A Tip From The Wise One...

2010-07-28T15:14:00.002-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

pce

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the rose city red condor

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Now I Don't Mind Gigolos...

2010-07-28T15:09:00.004-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooo

...but there's one thing I can't stand (more than Spandex Spicollis even)

fucking Juggalos!!!!

pCe

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the rose city red condor

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Probert vs Anthrax

2010-07-08T00:58:00.002-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Is there really any need for text at this point?

pCe

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the rose city red condor

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first name Mister. middle name Period. last name...P.

2010-07-08T00:47:00.002-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Any friend of T's is a friend of mine. Check out 3:53 on the following clip.

pCe
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The Age Of ProbeParius

2010-07-08T00:10:00.003-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooo

Whoever put this totally crooshial tribute together is pretty fucking crooshial themselves. Especially the first track that plays in the background. Crooshial jam by a crooshial band for a fucking massively crooshial Protector. 'So you think you've seen a Probert fight??? Well not like this....'

part 2 Thursday night...or check it yo dammmmmn self.
pCE
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2010-07-07T23:42:00.003-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I remember watching this as it was happening on t.v. and literally nearly shitting my pants (leftover Columbo's had given me the runs that day) I remember that whenever he stepped on the ice he was like Roddy Piper.

Now during the first few minutes the focus is on 2 other jibs and unfortunately this clip fails to spotlight when fucking Bob, or more appropriately, MOB Probert (since he ALONE strikes with enuff force of such) is battling2 dudes at once! He at one point has a dude in a headlock while another approaches. He's fighting the dude off WHILE still holding the dude in a headlock. THEN a fucking THIRD steps up to the mic...BLAAAAM!!! How ya like me now?!? Mofo goes down. Then CU-BLO tries to step on up to Cheveldae and the you hear the announcer all 'HERE COMES CHEVELDAE! Totally crooshial.

I'm pouring 40 of Gatorade on the curb fo' my dead homey. BUT this time I took a sharpie and changed the 'ade' in Gatorade to 'oids' to read 'Gatoroids'. Rest In Peace...out!

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nevermind the G20 bollocks...

2010-07-07T22:12:00.002-04:00

...and take a few days off to sit and reflect ...

R.I.P

ps...'yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo'

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the rose city red(wing) condor

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2010-06-19T23:10:00.003-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooo

I've ALWAYS hated The Lakers. Even post-Magic HIV announcement my heart didn't shed a tear. Artest is the man but unfortunately plays for a kife team. Bryant is a douche and Artest should have taken him out back in the Houston/Lakers matchup in the '09 semi-finals. Anyways, I'm not a Bird fan nor a Celtics fan BUT madddddd props to Paul Pierce for his fist with Kobe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9Iy8QtHIFw

pcE

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Ciggy Smalls

2010-05-27T23:04:00.004-04:00

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Condor has been nesting for toooooooo muthafucking long. Hopefully the cigarette lighter tire pump used to inflate the junk in the trunk works. Till then chew on this:

LOST ---- one minute the shit's all Gilligan's Island then BAAAMMM it's fucking Highway To Heaven. As the squish kitty pointed out, 'no show should be this fucking hard...' Fortunately coop with the scoopolo helped the Rose City Red Condor out. ALL OF the answers regarding ALL LOST MYSTERIES can be found here:

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CIGGY SMALLS is the REAL SMOKE MONSTER!

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pCE

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The Rose City Red Condor

Who Is Mr.Momato?

2010-02-10T16:27:00.009-05:00

yoooooooooooooooo

Just minutes ago you were informed about the mysterious CondorBlog poster otherwise known to the Rose City Red Condor as ' Mr.Momato'. After further anaylsis of his post, I was able to pick a lil sumpthin sumpthin out of the nonsense (which was also emailed to me). What appears as regular text on Blogger shows up as html links via Outlook. There was a link attached in his jenga styled post. I thought perhaps his email address? Maybe a coupon for 2 at the Mandarin during 'Italian Night'? I was most definitely perplexed. I watched re-runs of Fringe and was still perplexed.(Why doesn't Pacey refer to his father as 'Dad'?) I was even able to contact Art aka Fuji from Super Dave. He had no clue. But alas I used my powers of E-bike-ing and came up with a few possibilities. 'Mr.Momato' is.......

ORRRRRRRRRRR.....

Whoever it is....it definitely has nothing to do with some mindfuckery involving an empty casket and some lame tearjerker inside a church. Personally I think it should have ended with everyone being arrested and thrown into the same cell.
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pCE

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The Rose City Red Condor

Land Of The Rising Erection

2010-02-10T15:26:00.005-05:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ah so....it seems that I have another recruit for the Ebike Fascist Youth Movement!!!!!

BUT

there's one problem.....

I need a tranration.

On Feb.6th 2010 'オテモヤン' posted a comment on the Condor Blog. Here's what the mighty wordsmith had to say:

All that regarding an online Iron Man score?!?!?
OR maybe he's just a huge Robert Downey Jr fan? Maybe he's into Morton Downey as well?!
After repeated viewings of the instructional calligraphy scene in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, I still don't know what the fuck this is? An asian take on Tetris? So to the person who posted as 'unbalanced stick figures with no head and bad posture' (that's my guess how to read it) holla if ya hear me.
Momo Arrigato Mr. Momato

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pCe

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The Rose City Red Condor

2009-11-24T19:54:00.001-05:00

yooooooooooooooooooooo

Level 9 Bitches

beat that Downey JR!

Pce

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Hammer's crying

2009-11-24T19:22:00.002-05:00

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The shoes that once saved my ass from beatdowns ('We've never heard of those shoes before.Are they fucking Bi-Way shoes? No, I got them in the states. They gotta be good then') have now gone in some bullshit 'minimalist stylist' shiza direction. Giant Liger Hot Item of the week fsure.

Disappointment

pCe

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Goddess Bunny

2009-09-24T23:00:00.004-04:00

Yo muthafuckkkkkkkkkkkkas!!!

It's been a while since the Condor flapped but let me catch up! First off....

Booya!

As soon as they won I immediately was all

Next up...

There hasn't been too many Spandex Spicollis all up in my grill. If anything it's been Ol' Ninnies bitching about the Condor, all 'you're not supposed to be here' bullshit. Well you're 82... you're not supposed to be here on Earth all alive and shit.

Anyway...check this shit

And just when you were all set up to jack yourself to sleep...

pCe!

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The Rose City Condor

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Gottlieb Pioneer Shenanigans

2009-06-01T00:27:00.002-04:00

Each time the little flap comes into contact with one of the vertical bars a loud clicking sound is heard and 2 bumpers light up. This constant rotation doesn't stop until the machine is shut off.

Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

Still Condor

2009-05-30T23:13:00.003-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooo

It's been a while but the Condor's still flapping. It's been a very Seattle-esque day outside so there's been no E-Bike action---which sucks BUT that's one less 'this ISN'T a fucking motorcycle' arguement--which is good. The 'this isn't a fucking a motorcycle! quit your bitching you old t-rex' count is already at 2. And it's not even June yet (on Monday it is).

While you wait for the next epic Condor post, check this croosh shit out:

http://website13156.com/?p=165

http://33third.blogspot.com/

pCe

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the Rose City Condor

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The Rose City Red Condor Totally Understands O.J.

2009-04-15T14:42:00.005-04:00

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
....and so does the Huckster.....
(from eonline)

Continuing this week's celebrity trend of speak first, think later, Hulk Hogan has revealed a whopper of a complex during an interview with Rolling Stone, saying that his messy split from wife Linda, and her subsequent shacking up with a friend of her teenage son's, made him feel downright O.J. Simpson-esque.

"I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like O.J., cutting everybody's throat," he said, per the New York Post. "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife…

"I totally understand O.J. I get it."

pCe

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the rose city red condor

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Sham-POW!!

2009-03-29T23:27:00.002-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Some shit just in BLAY-ZIN hot for the muthafuckin BUZZ BIN courtesy of Dat Kid Thret. You know that muthafuckin P-I-M-P that sells the SHIT out of the Shamwow on its infomercial...well he seriously went P-I-M-P and laid the Sham-POW on a ho. Peep this:

Seriously....with the Britney Spears headset and such charisma..how the fuck did you NOT want to just pick up da phone and scoop like a fiddy case of ShamWows. He might be the greatest salesman of our generation. He sold us on the mighty fact that ShamWow is the Thor's Hammer of all things shamm. He sold us on the fact that you can wear a Spears Headset and not be linked as a Halo Chump getting chumpatized. He ALSO sold us on the fact that he don't like people chomping on his tongue. That's his weapon for serious ShamWow upselling. It'd be like that time when Pootie lost his belt. Sine your pity on the runny kine is right muthafucka! I'm not sold on the fact that it's him on that dj muggshot. Is he pulling some wack Benjamin Button type randomly aging shit? Real name, Vince Shlomi...or was it Vince Schlaffi?

pCe!!!

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HI MOM!

2009-03-29T23:06:00.003-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Random Rose City Red Condor Factoid: this kid loves most shit Buffalo

the Buffalo Wide Rights
the Juice (see above). *Side note...REVENGE VERDICT...STILL not fucking cool*
Buffalo '66
Celino & Barnes
Wu-Gambino Ford (hi mom)

Now most fucks that are down with the Wu-GBF know that the 'hi mom' in parenthesis is as necessary as the 'F'n' in Guns N Roses. Case in point:

Nov 17
2008
Josh & Matt's Potpourri - Road Trippin'

Hello Friends,
I am going to Buffalo today to catch the Monday night football game and I was thinking there are some great things south of the border that they just don't have here. Now don't get me wrong, Matt and I love Canada more than anything but there are a few things the Yanks know how to do really well.

Here are our faves.

Josh's
1. Target
2. Denny's
3. Tailgating
4. Cherry Coke
5. The I-90 Karate and Fire Works Depot.

Matt's
1. Cereals (Trix, Cookie Crisp, Fruity Pebbles)
2. Detroit Red Wings hockey
3. Target
4. Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio
5. Lockport Gambino Ford (Hi Mom)

Well, I will say that I was in shock and awe then immediately 'lizzing' (see latest 30 Rock) when I fucking came across this lil heartbreak kid of an online article:

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Hi (Bye) Mom! - Gambino Ford Closing (hahhahahah Bye Mom)
The Buffalo News is reporting that Gambino Ford on Rt 78 in the town of Lockport is closing.
Gambino Ford in the Town of Lockport is closing, under a program Ford Motor Co. is using to consolidate its dealer network. The dealership, located at 6157 S. Transit Road, will probably close its doors next week, owner Patrick Gambino said Tuesday. “The offer was on the table for any dealer in the metro [Buffalo] area to raise his hand,” Gambino said. “They’d like to close more.” However, Gambino said the Ford incentives to sell a dealership are now off the table. Other area Ford dealers bought out the Gambino dealership, Ford corporate spokeswoman Marisa Bradley said. The terms were not disclosed.
Mr. Gambino has taken a Ford buyout offer under its dealership consolidation plan. For example Ford has 4,000 dealerships to Toyota's 1,000. Sales profits spread around 4X the number of dealers make for weaker dealers overall. Especially in today's world of consolidation and high volume - low per piece profit. I always expected some other Ford dealer would go first, like the one up by 78 and 104 since Lockport is a more central location. But I also thought Gambino could be one of them since the # of vehicles in the lot had drastically reduced since the late 90's/early 00's.Gambino was the first dealer I ever noticed to give little tag lines in their adds. "...Come on down. Hi mom." At least 10 years before Mr. Fucillo brought his "Huuuuuugggggggeeeeea" to this part of the state. I bought my first vehicle from Gambino back in 1998 and it was my first experience in Lockport (living in Lancaster at the time). Heading to a mountain bike ride I swung in to look at a vehicle in the used lot. That '97 F150 4x4 gave me 155k miles before I sold it due to gas prices and some parts starting to wear out. 5 days of price dickering gave me an OK deal for my first ever vehicle loan. I miss that truck ;)

I was hoping one day to buy my first Denali from Wu-Gambino Ford (hi mom) and have sex on the reg. Single tear.

pce!!

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Piss T

2009-03-29T22:55:00.002-04:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Bird had sent me this croosh clip and like most shit on YouTitty it's the fucking peanut gallery shit that makes me bust 1 rib ROFLing. The most recent post (as of now) on that clip's forum by schenkelB is on point. Make sure to check out 'bigwhitebear92's post (the third post before the schenkster's) for the total goomba icing on the cake.

pCe!

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Sex On The Reg

2009-03-29T22:22:00.003-04:00

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Not ONCE did that muthafucka Kenny Powers let me down. 1 thru 6 were totally fuckin croosh.
From 3 minutes 30 seconds to 4:40 of this clip is probably one of my fave tv moments. Fucking Stevie Janowsky.

"Me on the other hand, I got the glory. I get the fame. The money. The Jewels. The cash. The Denali. Gettin drunk on the reg. Fuckin good times on the reg. Yachts on the reg. Sex on the reg- basically all the shit that most men fantasize about".

The best is the fucking IMDB forum debate over what is meant by 'the reg' and if it is 'reg' or 'rag'. Either way, Ashley Schaeffer is losing money right now.

pCE!
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Rose City Red Condor vs SARS

2009-03-28T12:13:00.002-04:00

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As 'Anonymous' pointed out, this shit needs to be updated more. That is as obvious as a Saigon whore being the one to bite the end of your nose off. It's been a while since some Red Condor shenanigans and with the booya spring about to happen that shit will all change. While I'm suffering from SARS, congested as fuck, enjoying the MoviePix presentation of UHF AND DIRTY WORK, the Condor's being charged and the Spandex Spicollis are wiping the shmegma from their short shorts. Till I'm SARS free....

pCE!!!!!

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What's Mine Is Theirs

2009-02-21T17:47:00.004-05:00

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It seems that every jabroney (including the rose city condor) and their mother's mother is on WasteBook FaceBook and has about 15 gigs worth of webcam glamour slut shots uploaded. As of Feb.17th 2009 all of those gems are now the property of Facebook.

from MadeByMark

February 17, 2009
Are You Owned by Facebook?

Facebook (very quietly and deceptively) announced changes to its terms of service yesterday, tossing in this grabby,
greedy, over-reaching clause:
"You hereby grant Facebook an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to (a) use, copy, publish, stream, store, retain, publicly
perform or display, transmit, scan, reformat, modify, edit, frame, translate, excerpt, adapt, create derivative works and distribute (through multiple tiers), any User Content you (i) Post on or in connection with the Facebook Service...."
In other words: as of yesterday, anything you post to Facebook
-- your photos, your videos, your thoughts, your status updates, your ideas, your documents -- becomes the property of Facebook ... forever.
What's more, Facebook can use your ideas, information, and images in advertising. Oh -- and they can sell all those things to third parties, too. And you? You'll never see a dime ... because the minute you post something to Facebook, it belongs to the company, forever, and they can do with it as they please. I never visit Facebook directly ... but all my MadeByMark.com entries and Twitter "tweets" are automagically replicated there. Until they revise their terms of service, though, I'm shutting these feeds off ... simply because I don't ever plan to grant a company unlimited permission to use anything I've created, in whatever way they see fit, world without end, amen.Your ideas and photos may have zero commercial value in the future ... but if they do, you (not Facebook!) should own them and you (not Facebook!) should profit. Your content should always and forever belong you to ... and companies unwilling to abide by this simple rule of thumb do not deserve your support.
I fucking put a lot of time and effort into uploading 8 gigs worth of Indonesian tranny mail bride photo slidesows. And to think that FaceFuck Inc can capitalize off that shit......"Shhheeeeeeeeeeeeeit"

pCe

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this is for the lone Russian

2009-02-19T01:32:00.004-05:00

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So upon checking out my Condor Stats, Yolanda Vega is telling my wack ass that one Russian checked out http://www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com/. In honour of this unknown stalin,er, stallion, i offer this as a token of my appreciation for all of those in Drago Land.

Date: September 2004
Name: aimeelynn9296
Question:
Hi Dolph! I've been a fan of yours ever since Rocky IVeven though I had a big crush on Carl Weathers, whose character you killedin the film. But you looked so good, I had to forgive you! Anyway, Ihave two quick questions. First of all, I can tell from all yourschooling that you're well-educated. But is it true that you have agenius-level IQ? It seems too good to be true for one man to be so veryintelligent, talented, athletic, AND fine as hell! All this leads to mysecond question.Are you available? If not, do you have a brother who is? If so, feel free to visit me in Nashville, TN USA for some real southernhospitality! Just kidding (well, no not necessarily (smile)).Anyway, good luck with "The Defender". I'm sure you're an excellentdirector as you seem to be great at everything you put your mind to! Ihope you will stop by some of the US talk shows to promote it!Love ya,Aimee
DL:
Hi Aimee,No I have a genius level IQ. Whats that? No just kidding& Thank you for forgiving me killing Carl Weathers. Thats very grand of you!

pCE!!

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The New 'Douche Bag'

2009-02-19T01:11:00.005-05:00

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Douche Bag was a huge diss back in the day. Then like clear Pepsi, it got totally peaced out. Now it's back stronger than ever before. Appearing all over tv shows and 'the silver screen'. Well I'm about to flip that shit Larry. It's played out straight up son. 'Douche Bag', 'bag of douche' (and my fave) 'douche rag' are the Neo-Geo console to my new PS4. Listen up CW writers, watch it here it come now....so long 'douche bag'....wasssup 'JOHNNY KOTEX'. Who cares if you're a bag that is full of douchey solution?!?!!!? The bag's emptied, cleansed of the vaginal margerine (yes folks, Vagerine!) and the bag is then good for something useful like holding a handful of micro machines that are about to be thrown all over to the floor to thwart some Pesci look-a-like house invaders. Really, it's a compliment.

"fuck you're life douche bag".

"Well, i'm a bag that is actually helping this lady remove scum from her front bum, so I guess my life really IS good. I am truly helpful"

BUT Imagine being a fucking Kotex crammed up in Oprah's minjie for like 2 days fucking straight??!??!?!? You're head first jammed into the batch snatch just absorbing all of that Mott's clamato that Aunt flow is just throwing at you. You're stuck in there for a fucking goooood period of time literally red faced (puns intended!). And then what good are you? You're fucking trashed amongst muff shavings and Garfield nacho bags. First we fiesta THEN we siesta!!! I'd rather be a bag over a Kotex anytime. BUT overall I'd rather be this dude

NOW THAT'S A KOTEX!!!

pCE!!!

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Perfect Nipple Placement

2009-02-17T23:53:00.002-05:00

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Friday, February 13th was a fucking totally full out drooling everywhere trying to bite their own ear off retarded day for this kid at work. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it made perfect sense to catch the Michael Bay Remake (rebayke if you will) of Friday the 13th.

It wasn't the oh so scary date that made sense to catch that shit but the total retardation. The only credit I give Bay is for having a hand in Bad Boys 1&2. That's it! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard and been so confused/disgusted at what I was witnessing before my eyes. And i've seen a terrabyte's worth of fucking totally wack chi shit (onscreen AND in the real world).

Take the cliche jibs of 'Can't Hardly Wait' mix it with the script writers of Dumb and Dumberer trying to pull of their best attempt at Kevin Smith/Judd Apatow humour, throw in some pretty decent kill shots (that totally pose some questions....Jason is also a fucking hawkeye of an archer?) up the ante on the obligatory gratuitous nudity (is there such a thing as too much tit?) combine it with a ton of bong fuelled tard shit from YouTube and you ALMOST have an idea of what you're in for. To sum it up: shit was too damn ridiculous even for a Friday movie. I don't really include Jason X and Freddy vs Jason as part of the series. To me, this shit is to the franchise as to what Halloween 3 was to the series.

I'm just waiting for Bay to remake a Halloween where Meyers totally shanks some skank from behind with a Wii nunchuck all the way thru her chest and then continues to lead that chump Liugi to MarioKart victory.

I should have watched the remake of the Hitcher and THEN go check this shit out. Then I would have been mad stoked.

The best lines in the movie (which also prepare you for what's in store) are the following:

"your tits are stupendous"

"you have perfect nipple placement"

"your tits are just so fucking juicy dude"

While I acknowledge this is a remake (mistake) and of course there is the 'it's trying to be it's own movie' bullshit, there is also the 'i want to tell a story that is reworked but gives credit to the original and keeps old and new fans alike entertained' bullshit. Even then this kid has some worthy (and at times Rotten Tomatoes douche style) comments/questions:

joshua-psychoj87

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0758746/board/thread/130760758?d=130760758&p=1#130760758

1. Dialogue/acting was just terrible

"Your tits are stupendous"

"You have perfect nipple placement"

"Where are you gun?"

"I killed them all!"

"Go back to hell and tell mommy hi" (something along those lines)

2. Apparently Jason digs tunnels in his spare time when not killing?

3. After knowing a group of teenagers mysteriously vanished a month and a half ago, I'm going to take a group of my friends to the same area - yeah that's smart.

4. Jason takes captives now? WTF?

5. How did Jason feed said captive? With corpses of past kills? How did she go to the bathroom? Tend to her 'personal' needs when aunt flow arrived?

6. How does Jason have the electricity to power his underground tunnels? If you say he stole the kerosene, then...

7. Why kill the guy NOW because apparently you've been stealing his kerosene from him for awhile. If Jason has been taking his kerosene from him for some time, why does he feel the need to kill him now?

8. It's obvious Trent and his parents have been to the lake house before and have even been on the lake itself (due to the existence of Trent's boat), so why does Jason feel the need to kill them now? Why not before when they first built the house and first went on the lake?

9. Why so much feakin' nudity? I mean, yes the originals had some, but not nearly as much as this, it was seriously ridiculous. I came to watch a Friday the 13th film, not porn.

10. That opening scene with Jason's mother was just awful, enough said. Why couldn't they just use footage from the original F13th film and just recycle it here?

11. How do those two guys towards the beginning know about the weed? If they've been there before and actually planted it, then why didn't Jason kill them off then? Why now?

12. Since the cop knows the guy who's looking for his sister already by name, then you'd think he would have been up and down that area posting his sign of 'Missing Woman' awhile ago, not a month and a half later.

13. Jason is freakin' amazing at archery. Hitting a guy in a speeding boat at least a couple of hundred yards away directly between the eyes, what accuracy! I guess he practices archery in his spare time too!

14. Why in the hell would you go looking for your friend who's supposed to be back already in a creepy tool shed ....alone...with a stupid frying pan as your only defense? Hello man, he's dead.

15. Has any guy felt the need to just all of a sudden masturbate in a friends' lake house (in a living room in front of huge not-covered-up windows at that) while said friends could just come through the door and catch you at any time?!?! He was even expecting his Asian friend to come right back from the tool shed too. I mean seriously, that scene was just so out of no where and this movie could have done without it.

16. You call the police and report there's been multiple murders with the psycho murderer on the loose, and the department sends one lone cop.

17. After Jason shoves your face into 2 bus windows, you come out with only a scratch on a cheek - amazing.

18. No crazy Ralph??!? How can they not have him in the movie?!!!?

And now to flip that shit: 15 reasons why horrorfreak912 loved it

1) The acting was the best we've seen in a Friday film Jared, Danielle, and Amanda did good in the leading roles, which is all that really mattered to me.

2) The death scenes were neat. Some creative ones, some shocking ones.

3) They kept the gore to a minimum.

4) Some of the characters were likable, and when they died, i actually cared (Jenna, Chewie, all of the four opening ones).

5) Jason was *beep* scary again!

6) It had some nice comedic moments.

7) Danielle Panabaker.

8) Some tense moments (the tunnel scene and canoe scene)

9) Jason took a hostage

10) Nice homages to previous friday films (The wheelchair, Whitney pretending to be mama V)

11) The audience i saw it with was really into it. **is that a good sign????***

12) The cinemetagrophy was nice. *hahhahahhahahhahahahhahah*

13) The final scare made me jump. *And what was that??? The notion that Michael Scott Bay-o is remaking Nightmare on Elm street?*

14) The opening was crazy!

15) Jason with the sack was crazy. And so is Whitney off crack!

I have to go water ski while the Hives is just blaring outta nowhere.

pCe

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Ranty Guy

2009-02-17T21:51:00.002-05:00

yooooooooooooooooo kidz

The Ebike season has yet to arrive and the Rose City Condor has been all joe slack style. But chew on this while you wait for greatness.

pCe!

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Wa-Keen!!!

2009-02-12T23:06:00.002-05:00

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First Woody, now Joaquin. Anutha crooshial brutha!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/11/joaquin-phoenixs-bizarre_n_166229.html

pCe!!!!!!!!!
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Woody Norris

2009-02-12T11:46:00.003-05:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Mindbottling!

pCe!!!!!!!!!

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Welcome to Blogburger, home of the Blogburger, a can I take your order?

2009-01-18T23:09:00.002-05:00

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So what's a blogburger without the obligatory 'Best of..insert year' post??? The answer: a kife burger of a blogburger!

So for now I'll just drop some bits of the best shit of 2008 for the Rose City Red Condor.

Ca-caw!!! Swooping from the bird nest to hit the number 1 spot on the 'things that fucking ripped your asshole inside out like an anal inversion (or invasion) is........(i'd ask Keith Moon for a fucking CROOSHIAL solo here...if he wasn't dead) and YES the 1 crooshial thing is..............BUT before that shit...peep this

"barack obama muthafucka!!!"

Gotta take a dump.

pCe

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Wack Is Back!!!

2009-01-14T12:45:00.009-05:00

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Merry Pissmas! Happy Poo Year!

The Rose City Condor is BACK BABY! Costanza style!

I'm sorry to keep all of you kids waiting for soooooo long. Some kid was totally spazzing and sent me an email with a single line that read:

"this is what happens when you make me wait!!!"

Attached was the following photo.

What a sick fuck!

So now we're rocking two thousand muthafuckin' NINE! The slogan this time around-'2009 this year is mine!' I'm hoping for BIG WANGS...err..I mean..BIG THANGS...to happen. I've started things right with a dietary cleanse. This cleanse consists of just rocking Slurpees, Flaxxx seeds and fucking BLARING Shalamar non-stop.

This will.

I received a mysterious call during work informing me that a certain store was just shut down for not payin' da rent. I immediately peaced out and had the Wyld couple follow me. I was fucking JACKED when before my Rose City Red Condor eyes I noticed an empty place, doors shut with a Termination Notice mentioning that the place was shut down for good.

In the words of DX...

SUCK IT!!!

(cue the Zach De La Rocha wannabe)

pCE!!!

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Ebikeniagara.blogspot.com Mascot Entry #186

2008-12-16T20:37:00.002-05:00

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There's been a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge south of the border mascot entry influence happening here today folks. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with all of the Ugly Betty/Red Condor hybrid fans but suddenly I have the spicy shits. Before I pull a Bundy on the Ferguson here's the latest mascot entry according to the fans.

Ebikeniagara.blogspot.com Mascto Entry #186

This is the FIRST TIME in www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com history that a DUO have been nominated to act as a single mascot.

The dude on the right...no...YOUR right...definitely doesn't match up to Puente.

Let a Condor know. If you don't....the e-terrorists win.

pce

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Ebikeniagara.blogspot.com Mascot Entry #187

2008-12-16T20:23:00.004-05:00

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So for a while now you all know that I've been holding a contest to mathematically figure out who would embody the essence of the http://www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com/ Rose City Condor Red Condor E-Bike blog on the internet. The fans have been voting LONG and HARD.

Here is Mascot Entry#187. You be the judge. Let a Condor know wassup.

Does AC 'Abnormally Cruel' have what it takes?

Let a Condor know.

Cast your vote today.

pCe

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Santos Knows How To Party

2008-12-16T19:26:00.010-05:00

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I was all Jack Handey with a deep thought regarding E-Bike life in the muthafucking BIG APPLE NYC MUTHAFUCKASSSSSSSSSSSS! and whether or not I will encounter any croosh E-Bikes come this Friday as I hit that shit up for a Winter Wonderland Weekend Wawaweewa. Along the way I noticed that Santos knows how to party.

NO! NOT SANTO!

SANTOS!

ACTUALLY Santos Party House.

Check it:

'Santos Party House has officially won all the major NYC dance club awards! On Sunday, November 16th, Paper Magazine held their Nightlife Awards. Santos was nominated for every eligible category and won them ALL! Best Club (People's Choice), Best New Club, and Best Party'

'Who the fuck cares about the Santos Haunted Pita Shack or whatever the fuck it's called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you're DEFINITELY asking yourself, your mother or loved ones crowding around you at the minute.

Well Chuckles...you should fucking care as much as you care about Popcorn getting his shit together post-Celebrity Rehab so Axl can tap into the mana pool that gave us such hits as Rocket Queen and Night Train

a fucking rattle snake suitcase? can you believe that shit? But let's get real here for a second..what the shit ass is the deal with Santos Party House...well it's owned by none other than

here's the shit that REALLY matters about the Santos Party House. I know you're so fucking excited I can smell the cheap Masengil from your mother's bat cave.

Technical Specifications
Our main floor live music system features:
ten JBL Vertec 4888 and two 4887 line array speakers
four JBL Vertec 4880 Ultra Sub Woofers
six JBL STX 812 monitor wedges
four VRX 915 monitor wedges
aSoundcraft VI6 mixing console
a Soundcraft VI4 monitor mixing console.
Our main floor disco system includes:
110 separate TAD drivers
housed in 22 custom built tri amped boxes
powered by 20 Crown I-Tech Amps
totalling 150,000 watts.
Our main floor lighting system includes:
148 different light fixtures
81 assorted RGB LEDs
26 UV LEDs (blacklights)
6 Source 4 spotlights with assistant lenses
12 Mega-Llite Axis 500 Yoke Spots
18 500W Par lamps
3 Par ACLs
2 Audience Blinders

don't stop living in the red

You're welcome Andy.

pCe!

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More HC Than Punk-More Ebike Than Bike

2008-12-10T13:21:00.005-05:00

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While I was admiring my Ebike and dreaming for the snow to melt so I could get reacquainted with the Spandex Spicollis something near and dear to my precious little heart came to mind--Why were Malikis Happy Corn Club more hardcore than punk??? After I snacked on 2 day old shitake maki rolls I was able to answer my own question (courtesy of geocities) Thanks Geo!

TOP TEN REASONS MALICKIS HAPPY CORN CLUB ARE MORE H/C THAN PUNK

10. MHCC have their own cult
9. lead singer of MHCC is thanked in a DAYGLO ABORTIONS releases' liner notes
8. GWAR features one of MHCC's copyrighted 8-note riffs in one of their songs (anyone know a good entertainment lawyer?)
7. MHCC have been around over 7 years, and have 10 releases to date
6. MHCC have gone through over 20 members, former members either mysteriously dissappearing, being killed in bizarre gardening accidents, or suicide by sickle.
5. MHCC have songs about DAVID BERKOWITZ, PAUL BERNARDO and KARLA HOMOLKA, JEFFREY DAHMER, JACK KEVORKIAN and CLIFFORD OLSEN.
4. due to MHCC's notoriety, they are banned from playing many of their local bars, are hated by non-racist organizations, and noticed by the MAFIA (for their song of the same name, which is a tribute of sorts to CASINO NIAGARA)
3. MHCC have cool band member names like: JOHN CORNHOLE, BRADO CREAMED CORN, JIMMY CRACKED CORN, ANDY CANDY CORN, and MARC o' the BEAST
2. MHCC band member BRADO recently pulled out and fired a gun numerous times at the co-host of a local family-friendly Cable Access show, let alone lesser acts such as saying naughty words on CBC's JONOVISION, and calling an FBI agent guest on the LATE LATE SHOW w/ TOM SNYDER a serial killer.
1. lead singer injures himself on stage, resulting in a truly unique outcome; trauma to the testes causing severe hematoma which developed cysts in the areas of the lower abdomen and scrotum, all linked to the right seminal vesicle (after an operation to remove the cysts, he was fortunate not to lose his right nut, although he already has enough balls)

The lead singer (pictured middle), Brado Creamed Corn, was later replaced by his twin brother

Chad-o Creamed Corn

pCe

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What Would Chrysler Do?

2008-12-09T01:12:00.002-05:00

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check this madness With sport-utility vehicles at the altar and auto workers in the pews, one of Detroit's largest churches on Sunday offered up prayers for Congress to bail out the struggling auto industry.

"We have never seen as midnight an hour as we face this week," the Rev. Charles Ellis told several thousand congregants at a rousing service at Detroit's Greater Grace Temple. "This week, lives are hanging above an abyss of uncertainty as both houses of Congress decide whether to extend a helping hand."

Local car dealerships donated three hybrid SUVs to be displayed during the service, one from each of the Big Three. A Ford Escape, Chevy Tahoe from GM and a Chrysler Aspen were parked just in front of the choir and behind the pulpit.

The Church of Electric Condor IS COMING!

pCe!

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Arcade Loser Hissy Fit

2008-12-03T12:43:00.001-05:00

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Shit son! The dude at end of the clip is PISSSSSED!

pCe

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"Is This That Morrissey Dude?"

2008-12-02T23:03:00.007-05:00

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While watching a documentary ingeniously titled 'Joy Division' about some obscure band from Haiti called Joy Division I tapped into the gloomy doomy post-epilepsy diagnosed subconscious of deceased lead singer Ian Curtis. Then I had placed all of his experiences/my experiences into a fortune cookie and removed a tiny sheet of white paper that had the following question:

'What Is Red Condor Without Road To Travel?'

I was perplexed.

I thought of the many tears the E-Bike was shedding while the fucking rain,sleet,snow ruined any chance of cruising the streets just under 39km/h.

I thought of the Red Condor's sorrow.

I thought that Ian Curtis would have the answer.

I thought that scouring YouTube for Joy Division videos would act

as a River Styx of sorts.

I thought I'd check out the clip for 'Atmosphere'.

I found no answer but the following:

bitzamalony (1 week ago) is this that morrisey dude everyone used to go on about?

reeci0 (1 week ago) this song is definetly my song for my funeral...and my last words on my deathbed are going to be "dont forget me"...but my family prob wont even turn up soo...pointless

littleteethkeith (1 week ago) I always thought the theme song from the Benny Hill show would be a cool funeral song. Just leave your family and friends forever confused.

pCe

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My Favorite Day - BLACK FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-27T22:51:00.007-05:00

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HAPPY MUTHAFUCKIN'

$$$$BLACK FRIDAY$$$$

BOOYA KA BOOYA KA!!!

Let us take a moment on this Friday to remember the Black, to reflect and pour a 40 on the curb for our dead homies--the heroes of Earth who happened to be black who also happened to leave this planet wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too fucking early. Well, at least before 'House Party 5' came out.

Oh, doesn't BLACK FRIDAY also mean maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad fuckin' dealios and 5000 thousand pound mamas living outside FASHION MAX;TAR-JAY;BEST CHI & most importantly A.J. Wright (more to be blogged about that fuckin' place later)

Why yes it does. Black Friday also exists in the Cyber World as well.

Peep this shit stain:

http://bfads.net/

http://www.blackfriday.info/

Dr.Jays mad sale!

Black Friday Canadian Deals

(sorry, no free Choclair tapes here. Though I do remember checking out Choclair with the Bird back in the day all and he fucking did was hip hop karaoke over Snoop Jams and shit. I must say, Let's Ride is fucking TUFF)

But the juice here is our bruthas from anutha mutha who have peaced us out (unintentionally) for life. Raise the Hypnotiq and press play on the following clip. Scroll down while feeling the power and glory of our nubian knights in fleshy black armor. .Totally Bummed.

At first I thought a sweet ride on the Rose City Red Condor might cheer me up, but then I'd see all of the black ice on the Niagara Region road ways and then I'd think of bruthas since passed. I'll probably just scour the Dr.Jays site for some sweet thredz

FUCKIN' LAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH

FUCKIN HYSTERICALLY

AT THIS CRACKA!

pCe!

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the rose city condor

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Harry Colonic Jr

2008-11-26T22:12:00.003-05:00

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This one is pretty crucial too.

pCe!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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the rose city condor

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Angry Youth and KIFE Comics

2008-11-26T19:00:00.008-05:00

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

So while bringing some Vice rag backissues to the grey box (no, that's not rose city slang for slamming the hot rod into some granny's wrinkle pouch from Chicken Fish Island. though, it should be) I noticed that I had forgot to save the last page from each issue. Shit SON!!! The last page lately has been a comic strip from me if i were a comic artist but instead it's some dude named Johnny Ryan.

So like any jerk in 2008 I figured I'd google that shit so I could collect as much data as I could so then I could spout off any old bullshit that nobody else has googled and come off like a fucking douche-it-all. While doing so I steve stumbled across a Johnny Ryan interview:

BAGGE: What comics did you read in your childhood?

RYAN: Lots of Marvel trash. I used to collect the worst comics, like Team America (that was a comic about motorcross) and U.S. 1 (that was a comic about trucking. I used to love trucking.).

I then realized that this comic dude WAS IN FACT ME! If you check under my bed right now there will be issues of both! About 5 issues of each came bundled in a comic bag that I got from So Low for about 3 bucks along with the RC Cola gum. Word has it that Swayze's BLACK DOG was inspired by US1.

So come take a little journey with us. It's 1983 and Marvel Comics - flushed on the success of top-selling fan favorite X-Men, critically accalimed Epic titles and a string of lucrative liscensed books - is adroitly attempting to cash in on the trucking and CB craze which swept America .... five years previous. Ten-Four good buddies!

Running twelve issues, US1 follows the adventure of U.S.Archer and his amazing cybernetic big rig US1 as they travel down US Highways and USe restrooms and the USual stuff all across the USA. U See?

US1 was something like Speed Racer with wide loads, from the assortment of vehicle-oriented villains right down to the family connection. In fact, like Speed's brother Racer X, US's brother Jeff was a mysteriously-clad driver whose path continually crossed with his brother's. The only difference was that, in his disguise as the Highwayman and driving the "devil-truck" Blackrig, Jeff was trying to off his brother.

The rest of the cast included US and Jeff's adoptive folks, the tragically nicknamed "Wide-Load Annie," and her husband "'Poppa' Wheelie.' Get it? 'Poppa' Wheelie. HAHAHAHA. Also part of the crew were US's dense mechanic friend Retread (No, not Retard), short order cook and love interest Mary McGrill and femme fatale Taryn O'Connell....

As to the story, following a near-fatal run-in with his disguised brother and that darn "devil-truck," US has a metal plate installed in his skull - turns out the thing can pick up and receive short wave broadcasts, and so US1 disturbingly christens it his "CB Skull." With that and his rig, US takes on adventure all across the nations, including more run-ins with the Highwayman, races with competing drivers (inlduing Taryn) and a confrontation with the deadly, "hypno-whip" wielding Midnight - secretly a possessed Mary McGrill turned evil.

In between attempts by the legal team of Clutch, Grab and LeGreed (sigh) to foreclose on Poppa and Wide Load's diner (The Short Stop), US is visited by the representative of an alien federation seeking an Terran trucker to represent our humble little world in civilized space. In a final issue blowout, pencilled by guest artist Steve Ditko, US and Jeff race for the privilige of being the first intergalactic errand boy (eat THAT, Futurama). Ultimately, and obviously, the race ends with US as the victor and the entire cast - minus a suddenly repentant and solemn Taryn O'Connell - moving to the fringes of known space - where I would have stranded them at the beginning of the first issue, but that's just me.

Never mind the more curious parts of the final story, such as US1 being fitted to operate as a space vehicle, or the inexplicably savage and totally unjustified sibling rivalry between Jeff and US, or the alien with the barely perceptible but often mentioned trucker-lingo-laced accent; I'll always remember US1 for one line of dialogue, uttered by Jeff as he pilots into space, and one which I feel describes the greater portion of comics published annually:

"No! I don't like it! It's too big, too dark! And it makes my stomach hurt

You can catch a better looking blog with the aformentioned shit here

pCe!!!

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the rose city condor

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Where Have My Japanese Friends Gone?

2008-11-20T23:02:00.003-05:00

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Yes it's true, the Rose City Condor has been M.I.A for a bit and YES, it is true that the ratings have DROPPED an inciduous 36 PERCENT!?!?!!!!!!!!!

JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where you at? Only one Japanese Ebike enthusiast is keeping it real on the Condor tip! Thanks Derek, or whoever you are.

CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Has Charlie Murphy not been more entertaining than the 5 man dragon with the crazy eyes, paper mache body, and Snuffalupaguss style mysterious nature? If you say he has NOT! then I say, SORRY, Yes HE HAS! It IS that simple.
Was the moment of Screech's belittlement by a REAL LIFE drill Sergeant more of an ADRENALINE RUSH than a CHINESE FIRE DRILL!?!?!! Even if you watch the clip below...the answer is still

'YES, ROSE CITY CONDOR, A REAL LIFE DRILL SERGEANT CUSSING AT SCREECH IS MORE OF AN ADRENALINE RUSH COMPARED TO A REAL LIFE CHINESE FIRE DRILL ADRENALINE RUSH'

What the Rose City Condor wants to know is....

How many fucking 'ludes did the girl pop before the intro?

(the first person to guess correctly wins a free bitmap sent DIRECTLY to their Email INBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Well, if the current Ebike info has been lacklustre for the rest of the world well then hopefully this will reign supreme during this period of blog sweeps.

The author of the article below is an online mystery.

No name was attached to such literary beauty and grace.

Only the following grade A type jpeg of delicious jerk material was provided.

Usually when you right click 'save as' the person's name will be a part of the file. So based on that I've been able to channel the spirit voice of Robert Stack and solve this Unsolved Mystery and will identify her as:

501258060500jpg_00000046848.jpg

Or 'thumper' for short.

The dudes at the office always chant behind her back,

'good ol THUMP-ER! Pumper in the dumper!'

Oh those guys!

Here's her article--great read I must say. WAAAAAAAAAY better than that book that spelled camp with a K! And not ONE but fucking TWO spelling mistakes in the title alone!!!!. 'Camp' with a K and an F on the end?!?!?!?!? Madness.

Are e-bikes the wave of the future?
The United States is a car nation. For the entire 20th century, Americans have steadfastly embraced the automobile — even knuckling under outrageous prices to make automotive transportation the only way to go. Moreover, since the automobile was invented, this country's foreign policy has gravitated toward positions that ensure plentiful and affordable gasoline. This has held true despite numerous energy crunches and subsequent attempts to adopt alternative energies.
Until now, solar energy as a way to power motors hasn't taken off, and electric vehicles powered only by batteries are greeted with disdain. However, as battery and fuel-cell research continues, we may, one day, have the means for using this energy to power our cars.
If and when alternative energy vehicles are perfected, most Americans will still have to buy into the idea. Consumers won't blindly leap into new technology, but must be brought into it slowly.
Perhaps electric bicycles will signal a shift in attitude away from fossil-fuel power to alternative power. After all, countries not as beholden to traditional automobiles have already adopted them. The Japanese, for instance, bought more than 250,000 electric bikes from major Japanese manufacturers in 1998, according to electric bicycle consultant, Ed Benjamin. Benjamin, along with consultant Frank Jamerson, estimate that by 2001, 1 million e-bikes will be sold annually, and by 2003, 6 million will be in use worldwide.
In the United States alone, 78 million baby boomers are around the age of 50. They are the first American generation to be raised with an increased awareness of our fragile environment. They also may be the ones who believe that zipping along at 15 to 20 mph for 20 miles between recharges — without adding pollution or tapping into dwindling fossil fuel reserves — is something to consider.
As everyone knows, gas prices have skyrocketed and there's no guarantee they'll drop anytime soon. And lawmakers have made a point to target gas guzzlers. Car companies recognize this and some have leapt into the e-bike arena. This is especially true in Europe and Japan. Recently, American automakers have joined the effort. Automotive legend Lee Iacocca founded electric vehicle distributor, EV Global Motors Co.
"Let's face it, gas prices have gone through the roof," he says. "With this most recent gas hike, general inquiry calls to our office have increased significantly."
Most of the calls, says Iacocca, are people who have heard about electric bikes but really haven't paid attention until now.
"With the transportation problems facing the general public," says Iacocca, noting increased gas prices, repair costs, smog, and standstill traffic, "I am convinced that electric vehicles are the wave of the future."
Indeed, in parts of Europe and Asia electric bicycles have replaced cars altogether. Foreign consumers look for sturdy bikes that work well and are able to carry goods, says Benjamin. Americans, on the other hand, are more interested in bikes for fun, choosing sporty features and performance over functionality. For this reason, it's hard to imagine Americans will ever replace their cars with bikes. But with automakers developing e-bikes, it remains to be seen if consumers vote with their pocket books and put e-bikes on the streets. Doing so may play a crucial role in the future of all electric vehicles.

Oh by, the way, this article is about 8 years old.

PcE!

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Fuck Your Couch

2008-11-19T16:30:00.004-05:00

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Since about '95 I was searching online for a transcript of Charlie Murphy telling his Rick James story on the Chappelle show. Every night I would watch the clip thru Winamp and just try to document whatever the fuck Charlie was spitting out. The click click stop pause click click routine was tired reallllllllll fucking quick. Every year before Canzine I would take another crack at that shit in hopes of releasing a one-off zine called 'Fuck Your Couch' with just stills and the transcript. It's 2 thousand muthafucking 8...almost 9 and I've yet to succeed...

..till now.

Just in case anybody can't figure it out:
DC as RJ is Dave Chappelle playing Rick James.RJ is Rick James.and CM is Charlie Murphy

CM: I get out the Navy, my brother's famous, his fame is exploding. I'm real proud of that. You know what I mean. I'm getting to hang out with people that I only read about in magazines and seen on the screen somewhere. I'm standing next to them, being at dinner tables with them. And you know it was a bugout, man. And you know, I was a huge Rick James fan. That's the first person that I would say that out of all the celebrities that I met, that I was starstruck.

CM: We gonna hang out with Rick James tonight, you know what I'm saying. And he comes out the room and I look at him and I'm not bullshitting, man I seen like an orange. His aura or whatever, I seen it. It was orange.

CM: We started kicking it and he was mad niggerish, man, which was, you know, right up my alley.

DC as RJ: I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. I'm one of the best singers and one of the best lookin' motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch.

CM: He'd walk up to any chick and lick the whole side of their face, man.

DCasRJ [licks chick's face]: "I'm Rick James, bitch. Enjoy yourself. Hehehehhehe."

CM: We got closer, started hanging out. My brother... didn't do any of this shit. So at night when Eddie would break out, we would all be doin', getting crazy and wild. And if I was hanging with Rick, he had this thing with me where he used to always like fuck with me, man. I don't know what started it.

RJ: "You know hanging out with the big dogs. You know, Charlie didn't know. He was doing crazy things and I had to straigthen him out, sometimes I had to go upside his head.

CM: Things escalated to the point where, you know, my man got too familar and I'd ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually, he's a habitual linestepper.

CM: First time, you know, I had to end up whooping his ass. We went to Studio 54. We walk up into the VIP section and I'm looking around to see who's there,looking at the girls and everything and all of the sudden I heard someone go:

DC as RJ: "CHARLIE MURPHY! [PUNCHES CM] That was cold blooded, in my dictionary

CM: He had this ring on to commemorate this song he had put out called "Unity".
RJ: And this was imprinted in that black head of his for at least a week.

DC as RJ: Unity!

CM: Eddie and everybody else thought that that was the funniest shit. And so that threw me in a weird space cause I'm like 'Yeah, this is Rick James, he's a star.'

DC as RJ: I'm Rick James, bitch. This is a celebration, bitch.

CM: Maybe I'm overreacting, I actually went there. Maybe I shouldn't do nothing, but my ghetto side was goin' 'Yo, stomp this motherfucker out right here.' What the fuck is wrong with him?

DC as RJ: I'm just unwindin'. I'm just getting started, bitches.

CM: He totally just wrote me off like I'm that nigger to steal on.RJ: What, he's gonna smack me back? I'm Rick James, He's Charlie Murphy.

CM: I waited cuz I knew what hotel he was staying in. Eddie and them went home and I said 'I'll be right back.' I shot up to the hotel, went up to his room and knocked on the door.

DC as RJ: So then he comes in ther and I said look bitch I'm Rick James, smacked him! Hehehehehehe. Oh!.. Charlie Murphy!

CM: He had his hand cocked to throw another right hand. When he was coming for it, I just came BWOW! Caught him with the front.

RJ: Charlie like he gave me some kind of Bruce Lee cross kick or something.

CM: I kicked the shit out of him. BWOW!CM: The wind is knocked out of him and he screams out:DC as RJ: Security!

CM: The one in the front, he had crooked eyes and shit, one eye was looking at me and the other was lookin' at Rick. And Rick had edged over by the window.

DC as RJ: Now darkness, the tables are turned! Do with him whatever you like!

CM: You motherfuckers take one more step, I'm kicking this nigger out the motherfucking window.

DC as RJ: [to security guys] Freeze!

CM: You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. Look what you did to my face.
DC as RJ: I'm sorry Charlie Murphy. It was an accident, I was having too much fun. I offer you a truce, the stickiest of the icky. You wanna smoke with your old boy Rick James?

CM: Yo man, my forehead is bumpin' man!

DC as RJ: NOw that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. But, I got the medicine. Bitch, come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy! I'm Rick James, bitch! [CLAPS]

CM: That was how that particular incident ENDED, but it wasn't the last time I had to whoop his ass.

RJ: Don't you think Charlie's a little old to be taking karate? He was probably taking it with little kids. Yeah, CHarlie whooped my ass in his dreams, I told you Charlie has delusions of grandeur in his head. I'm tellin' you what's happening.commercial

CM: The studio 54 thing, you know, that blew over you know what I'm saying. But you know, here we go again.RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug!

CM: Cause Rick is incorrigible. He shows up at my brother's house, fucked up.DC as RJ: Nice place, nigger!

CM: So he had these dirty cowboy boots on. Pushed us out of the way, barged in the house. My brother had these brand new couches, they were suede, right? And he gets on the couch and says...

DC as RJ: Why don't I stretch out? Hahaha!

CM: And just started grinding mud all into the couch, man.

RJ: Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.Offscreen dude: You remember why you did it?

RJ: Cause Eddie could buy another one.

DC as RJ: Fuck your couch, nigger! Ha ha! Buy another one, ya rich motherfucker. Fuck your couch, nigger. Fuck your couch! Darknesses, darknesses!

CM: Cause of my complexion, he used to call me darkness. He calls me and my brother darkness. Darkness brothers. See, this was long before Wesley Snipes, back then we was the blackest niggers on the planet according to Rick James.

RJ: Eddie and both of them darkness. Twin brother darkness.

CM: And we're standing there looking at him and he's looking right in our eyes as he grinds this mud.

RJ: See, I never just did things just to do them, c'mon I mean, what I'm gonna do just all of the sudden just jump up and grind my feet in somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that. ...Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.

RJ: See, I never just did things just to do them, c'mon I mean, what I'm gonna do just all of the sudden just jump up and grind my feet in somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that. ...Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.

CM: But then it was like 'You know what? Let's handle this' We went over there and we held him down and we just wailed on his legs.

DC as RJ: Awwww! You Darkness. You black. Midnight. Evil motherfuckers. Black magic, darkness. Darkness. Delirious motherfuckers. You are cold as ice.

CM: But still, Rick James, even after taking a beating like that.

DC as RJ: Fuck your couch, nigger!

CM: This motherfucker's goin out, his legs is like linguine.

DC as RJ: I've been kicked out of better homes than this. I'll be back, you black motherfuckers. Wide nose having motherfuckers. They should've never given you niggers money. You don't know how to appreciate shit. You know you can get another couch. What am I gonna do about legs, Eddie Murphy!

CM: My brother, you know, he's a lot more compassioniate than I am. He's lookin' and the limo's driving off and he says 'Wow man, Rick really needs help'. I was like 'Sho, we just gave him some help! Busted his fuckin' ass. I betcha he won't come over here and disrespect like that again.' WRONG! WRONG! You're talking about Rick James, man.

RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug.commercialCM: I had to fuck him up at 54, not at, for what we did at 54, I had to go to the hotel room and kick the shit out of him. Then he came over to my brother's house and I had to whip his legs because of what he did on the couch.

RJ: I heard him tell a story that he came into the China Club one time and I was behind the bar, now this is true.

CM: This particular night I go over to the China Club. I walk in. And I'll never forget the first thing I seen was OJ Simpson. I remember thinking to myself 'Wow, that's O.J. Simpson, he has a big fucking head, man!' And I walk from there and I went in the other section and there's Rick behind the bar.

DC as RJ: Drink up, be merry! Welcome! To the China Club! A chunna, a chinna, a chine uh, a chung a chang!CM: Rick is you know, being Rick.

DC as RJ: Come on, bitches, show me your titties! I'm Rick James, do something. Um Um! I wish I had more hands so I could give those tittles four thumbs down.

CM: I didn't realize how high he was. Next thing you know he's like:

DC as RJ: CHarlie Murphy! What's up partner?! Darkness, everybody! Everyone, darkness is spreading! Come over here Charlie!

RJ: I'm behind the bar and I'm serving drinks and Charlie bends over and I call out 'Charlie, come here.

'DC as RJ: Charlie, there's a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face?

CM: What?

DC as RJ: SLAP!!DC as RJ: Cold blooded! Bang bang! I'm Rick James, bitch. Everybody, King Kong ain't got shit on me!CM: I'm standing there, I'm thinking 'This nigger really has lost his fuckin' mind.' First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok? I mean, even when slapping was fashionable. You know, they did it Paris. The guy would come up, WAPAP! 'I challenge you to a duel.' They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go! I was just buggin' out. Anyway, I waited for five minutes, something like that.

DC as RJ: That's right, bitch! That's right bitch! Hehehe. Ah Darkness! Darkness, Brother Darkness!

CM: What's up man? I wanna tell you something. Check it out, check it out. I wanna tell you something! Come here.

DC as RJ: Oh, what's goin' on?! [CM slaps RJ]

CM: I slapped the shit out of him.

DC as RJ: Goddamn!

CM: I came down on it like this. The extensions was flying all over the place.

RJ: That is absurd!

CM: And he stepped back and his eyes welled up with water like he was getting ready to cry.

DC as RJ: Why you hit me like that, Charlie?!

CM: Cuz you hit me, man!

DC as RJ: That was weeks ago, motherfucker! I'm partying!

CM: No, that was tonight!

CM: I see that he totally really forgot.

DC as RJ: I hit you tonight?

RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug.

DC as RJ: I'm sorry Charlie Murphy. Come here Darkness. Ahhhh!It's a celebration! Bitches, come here! It's a celebration, bitches. Show Charlie Murphy your titties. I'm Rick James. Heheheh. The milk's gone bad!

CM: That was the ebb and flow. It was, you know, he would go over the top, and then I would, you know, check him. And then, we would have fun after that. We're still friends as a matter of fact.

RJ: I love Charlie Murphy. But? we have it out. Smack each other upside the head. Smack each other in the face. Punch each other in the chest. kick each other.

RJ: Can you imagine two grown men doing this? Cocaine's a hell of a drug. Hahahah. I must be losing my mind, reminscining about Charlie Murphy kicking my ass. Ain't that a B?

pCe

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The Rose City Condor

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Condor Kin

2008-11-18T22:19:00.003-05:00

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
It's been some time since the Rose City Condor flapped his mouth & wings. The winter solstice is creeping in and the Condor's about to fly South for a warm getaway. With there being Toros in the atmosphere the Spandex Spicollis have been in hiding, fearful of what the Condor will blog about them next. On a totally related E-bike note, my nephew is 13 and is a pretty crooshial kid with the intelligence that supercedes Uatu The Watcher

matched with a highly sarcastic wit that is a knock off the ol Rose City Condor block. A really straight laced kid really into iconic Marvel Heroes who hasn't yet hit the point of becoming a rose city kid into death metal and D&D. Or has he...? (which isn't a bad thing) He posted this....

AND I WAS SO PROUD!

Obviously not his own creation but kudos for posting it.

And now it's time for a cameo...

!!!!!!!pCe!!!!!!!

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"I Will Fuck Your World"

2008-11-08T16:46:00.005-05:00

HARVEY: Three pounds. Get the fuck out of here.
DIAMOND: I gotta move? Everyone else has been up. I don’t have to go anywhere…
HARVEY: Man, get this — somebody get his ass out of here! (Off-camera voice: “You’re done, Dustin”) You are fucking full of shit. I oughta, before you will tell me, I will beat your fuck — you must be out of your fucking part-time cartoon mind!
DIAMOND: (Turning to go) If you agree, we can set up the UFC…
HARVEY: Don’t you ever god damn motherfucking threaten me! God damn! Don’t you ever fucking threaten me!
DIAMOND: I did not threaten you.
HARVEY: You just god damn stood and said you fucking challenge me! I will wear your fucking ass out! Don’t you ever fucking threaten me! I’m hear to fucking help your fat ass!
DIAMOND: You put yourself in a protected spot…
HARVEY: No, you god-damn — first after you said you’d kick his ass, you said you’d kick mine! Why the fuck don’t you ever think?
DIAMOND: Did I say I’d kick your ass?
HARVEY: Yes you did!
IAN SMITH: You did.
HARVEY: You stood right there, and goddamn fucking said it!
DIAMOND: Can you roll the tape back? Is that what I said? Is that what I said?
HARVEY: You don’t want fuck over with me, boy, ’cause I’ll wear your fucking ass out.
DIAMOND: That’s a threat.
HARVEY: I will fuck your world
IAN SMITH: Go, Dustin. Go, Dustin…
DIAMOND: That’s the threat.
HARVEY: I think that… and you’re god damn right, It’s a fucking promise. It’s not a god damn threat. It’s a fucking promise! Don’t you ever, in your fucking life — in your fucking cartoon life… DIAMOND: (To stagehand) ….attack me on camera…
HARVEY: …ever fucking threaten me, bitch. ‘Cause I will wear your fucking ass out. Now you take that shit to your porn convention.
IAN SMITH: Get off the scales.
DIAMOND: I’m off the scales.
HARVEY: And if you ever fucking go to A, you better standby. Guarantee that shit, too. Now put that bitch on the VSPOT. Get the fuck out of here.
DIAMOND: Whatever.

It closes with Sgt. Harvey offering one final thought.
“He got away this time, but he’s lucky my home girl held me back.
“Because I was ready to dissect him.”

pCe!

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The Rose City Condor

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Dusty D's Done Dirt Cheap

2008-11-07T00:42:00.005-05:00

It was Monday night and the Rose City Condor was about to drop some mad EbikeOnomics. Suddenly the Roman Emperoress was hacklin' and I was curious to see what Tracy Morgan lines had her bustin' a gut. The Rose City Condor was wrong this time around. Although I was partially correct with a brutha being involved (nope, no reverse OREO action, sorry kids. Maybe next time) it was none other than TUFF ASS Sgt.Harvey from Celebrity Fit Club BOOT CAMP layin' the verbal smackdown on a poor cracka (no pun intended) Screech Powers. Screech was going thru hard times, hence the 'poor cracka'. You see, puns work much better when you have to explain them thoroughly and throw down a link for further help. (Your fucking welcome Michael Kwan!) Otherwise known as Dustin Diamond (no relation to Mike D). It was around 8pm or a bit after so pretty much any sailor talk or bukkake scenes would be out of the question...save that shit for 9:01pm! Or FUCK THAT let's just sit and witness the mind BOTTLING event of CITY TV dropping the muthafuckin censor ball and hearing this shit straight up F BOMB JIHAD attack style. So we continued to laugh at the lack of bleeps and then laughed some more at fucking SCREECH POWERS receiving a verbal GHETTOBLASTER (RIP BAD NEWS BROWN) from Sgt. Harvey.

I'm torn between choosing the best 'mutha-fucka' administrator.

Samuel L?

Harvey?

SGT. Doakes from Dexter.

BETTING ENDS!!!

pCe

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The Return To The Nest

2008-10-26T01:00:00.002-04:00

.For The Bird's Return.

It was originally posted on the Birdman's online haven.

I let it play before reading the entry.

Suddenly...

As the Tube played Crue

It began to rain outside.

As the piano line tug at my heart strings

tear drops ran down like the trickles of downpour.

Home Sweet Home.

Only this ballad and Ozzy's self reflective 'CHANGES' can crush

any mere mortal like a blow from Beta Ray Bill's mallet.

pCe

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The Rose City Condor

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Red Condor vs The Fur Burger

2008-10-20T23:23:00.009-04:00

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Rose City Condor & the Red Condor's been laying low, under the weather as they say. After the Red Condor was literally nailed in the lower ass end I thought for sure sooner or later there'd be a return to form. Unfortunately the Red Condor's now a fucking eppie leppie.

So then I thought, "sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiit ---son, what the fucks?!?!(plural) I wonder if my dad Snake (his gang name back in the day) would know the reason for the shake rattle and roll? Only if his buddy GearBox was still around". Then I L'dOL at that massive label alone...Gearbox. And what about his ladyfriend??? Mrs.Box. And then I reminisced about the good ol' In & Out Burger (which I always figured would be a croosh late night hang out for professional fornicators of the night life). hahahhahahhahah IN & OUT BURGER. Check out the Bird's latest post about a 'had to be there to truly appreciate that shit' style story involving a Bird (not the Condor) a burger, a Jim and a General.

After reflecting on the hilarity of In&Out Burger I was then transported to a time when I worked with a dude named Goode. This later morphed into GoodeBurger then obviously into FurBurger. And then there seemed to be a weird 'shit coming full circle' magic when after finding images of I&O Burger, thinking about our friend FurBurger and then finding ......

not your mom.she left my lap 2 minutes ago.she felt your eyes leering her way

!!!!!!!!!!!!!THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Prez of the RCFC!!!!

(not to be confused with the Rose City Fight Club)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!pCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The Rose City Red Condor

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The Rose City Condor's Thoughts On Being A Scapegoat

2008-10-16T13:29:00.002-04:00

.thanx to the chin-bot.

pCe

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The Rose City Condor

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"They Think It's An Ebike Fad, They Think It's Going Away"

2008-10-16T00:08:00.002-04:00

...it's not going away!

Who wins?

Red Condor vs the Station Wagon which appears at 0:25:00

Who wins??

That's It vs That's All

Who Wins????

Jus Fo Decoration vs Jus Like An Alarm Clock

BETTING ENDS!

pCe

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The Rose City Condor

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The Condor Gets Nailed

2008-10-14T23:10:00.003-04:00

Yoooooooooooooooo

For the past few days the Condor has been laying low, the wings have been clipped, just trying to lick the wounds and fly out of the nest of shit. Last weekend the Condor visited Westside Propane/Fries/Bikes for some repair action. The Condor's seat was becoming increasingly difficult to keep shut. As Junior from Westside PFB mentioned,

"it's just like a door handle on a car, it jams. It's just one of those things that happens over time. Like a car door, it jams and you just have to pop it back out. "

Awesome advice in less than 2 seconds...wait for it...okay watch it here it come now....for all of you fellow E-bikers out there, don't worry about the dealership mechanics fixing a fucking jib faulty bike that you've only had for about 2 months, just take a screw driver, pry the shit out of it (as a Westside PFB mechanic would), and keep on jarbling about "it's one of those things that happens, it's common".
????
Who knew that all it took was some sibling support (and some WD40)

So after leaving Westside PFB with a seat still fucking jib I venture cross the menace known as Niagara Street towards Elizabeth North. Trying to avoid the fucking North Tonawanda road styles I hear a car bomb go off. Then the Condor feels like she took a huge dump and the back end was now free of 50 or so pounds. What really happened was that Elizabeth North seems to be home to a lot of Rose City Roofers who just leave their tools and work related items scattered all over the fucking place. I ran over a nail and it took the Condor's tire right off the rim. After about 10 minutes of playing John Walsh trying to track down a family member who actually answers their home phone cell phone I figured I'd just strong arm the Condor across Niagara to rest at one of the Phat Kidz' crib at Elizabeth South (always bet on South AND Black). About 3 paces diagonally left there was some chi teen looking around all shifty as if he was waiting for a cream coloured K Car to drop off some killah Rose City Bud. Fuck do I ever know my home. A cream coloured K car (no Camaro) idles while the kid just keeps reppin' paranoia and Rose City Chiosity to the max. Dirty deals done dirt cheap. The Rose City Roofer Gas Huffer is just keeping six then comes over to give me a fucking increbible insight that blows Miss Cleo out of her jamaican hut of fantasy.
"Ah would you fucking look at that?!? Look at that Boss, you ran over a nail...took the tire right off the rim {no fucking shit....son} there's a lot of roofing been goin' on around here, some sloppy work I'd say. Then heads in to give his Chi Teen a blow jay.
Fortunately another Rose City Roofer of a less chi stature earns his stripes and helps me carry the Condor to safety. At that time the role of John Walsh (fuck HIM for jibbing over Banzai) is no more and I was able to get a Bro Law tend to the Condor's needs. $150 or so later the Condor has a new back tire.
Conclusion....shit's about to get real once again.

2 man enter, 1 Condor leave

pCe
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The Rose City Condor
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E-Bike Identity Crisis On Infinite Earths

2008-10-09T12:02:00.005-04:00

Here is the Red Condor. My Red Condor. The Rose City Red Condor.

According to my lil pamphlet the Condor is a 'G Force ' ebike.

http://www.mobilityunlimited.ca/red_condor_specs.htm

But for every Jerry there is a BIZARRO JERRY

Now I present to you...

THE MADCAT

http://www.insideview.ie/photos/sightings/madcat_commuter_e_bike.html

TO BE CONTINUED...

horse...shit

2008-10-05T18:38:00.003-04:00

no e-bike related shit here. If yr pissed...go clean out daddy's ass crack.

Horse....SHIT of 2008.

REVENGE

VERDICT

TOTAL

HORSE

SHIT

PCE

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THE ROSE CITY CONDOR

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Tard Swag

2008-10-03T17:39:00.005-04:00

YOooooooooooooooooooooooooo suckas!

Yo, I've been receiving a tard cornicopia full of hate mail regarding the E-Bike Niagara Rose City Condor Blog and lack of E-Bike related stories. Well kids the fucking nonsense is about to change.

Last week the Condor and I had 2 slams back to back at work, 9-9 don't stop get it get it. There was a Manager's meeting in effect boyyyyyeeeeeee and I had to fill in the time slot. The 2 days were hectic but I was able to get something good out of the deal: free swag. Free shit that I assumed would most likely be exactly that - kife slabs on a triscuit. Not everything was utter doo doo on a skewer. Mostly just crap sitting around the warehouse (ie Shrek watches, Slipknot patches) and new releases that are being pushed big time (the new TV On The Radio, Sex In The Shitty DVD, Beetlejuice Anniversary edition). And some of most random shit that would put Banzai side by side with a Family Circus cartoon. The best was a single item placed in a clear Ziploc style bag with the opening folded and stapled like GI Joes at that fucking overpriced comic/toy shop on Yonge Street (8 fucking doll hairs for a scratched up Boba Fett with his back missle missing AND no weapons?!?!? W.T.Fuck?!). BEHOLD:

A random Lt.Worf Klingon action figure?!?!?!

If that doesn't say "hey fuckos, thanks for busting your ass all year and wasting valuable time at this lame ass "Manager's" Meeting, I don't know what the fuck does?

OR MAYBE I DO....

hahahhahfahkfhafhahhahfahfahhfahkfahahhjahavkjhsjkehaejhha

hahakhfdhahahahhahahhahahahahhahhahahajhfkajhfdkjahfaha

ahghahgahghakhfkafkajhhahahhahahhaha

Yes, COACH Muthafucking CARTER Wrist Bands.

pCe

ps, E-BIKE

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The Rose City Condor

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Third Post's A Charm (but only in 2x the speed)

2008-10-03T00:18:00.002-04:00

and thennnn???????????????

PCE!

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The Rose City Condor

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Rose City Egg Hunt

2008-10-02T23:42:00.005-04:00

About 3 minutes or whatever the fuck ago I posted about the rain fucking up the Condor. I remember the tears of baby J hitting my Mavi (mav-ee) jeans and feeling like a bloody cold bastard. "Brrr..it's cold in here. There must be some Toros in the atmosphere" I thought out loud. Days later I still feel like there must be some Toros around. Then I thought of The Rose City. Then I thought of Google Images. Then I searched Google Images for random images of the Rose City to put on http://www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com/. When I think of the Rose this comes to mind: Cold, Creepers, rabbit outfits that seem like they were bought off the set from some fucking shit ass movie directed by the creator of Friday The 13th:The Series.

Annnnnnnd thennnnnn....or rather "aaannnnnddd dennnn..."

and then it was like Mr.Google was reading my mind...

A Rose City Egg Hunt in the winter time!

PcE!!

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The Rose City Condor

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When It Rains Baby Jesus Is Crying

2008-10-02T22:33:00.006-04:00

This week has been nothing but a fucking tsunami of tears from baby jeez-us. Those tears have been delivering a near death blow (read: Death Blow - When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether. ) upon the Red Condor. Monday I totally got caught in the flood of tears on the way to work and shortly after the Condor's siren call began to just go off totally Little Miss Sunshine wack horn style. Sounding much like an injured feline warrior after a tremendous battle over Meco's pizza crust with Riff Raff from Heathcliff I was very concerned for the Condor's well being. The next day AGAIN I'm caught in the downpour of BJ's tears. Now the Condor's seat won't close properly. Poor thing.

I struggled with this for the rest of the week. What is the cause of such bullshit pouring from the heavens above? What is the cause for such wetness fucking up my shit? I went to the dude at The Source hoping for an answer....fucking utter clown shoes. So I ventured to Chapters Indigo Online. The only thing 4 levels of Customer Service could tell me is that my Carpathian Forest record will have an additional 4-6 weeks of waiting time on top of the 3 I've already endured. the only thing I have in my pockets regarding the cause for the drops from above is chump change.

UNTIL I FOUND THIS.....

Resolved Question

Drew33 Is it true that baby Jesus is crying when it rains outside?

Best Answer

branofwinterfell He also cries when you touch your wee wee.

So I will retaliate by throwing a copy of Slayer's South Of Heaven up in the sky as high as I can everytime he 'cries'. If ol baby jesus (not Big Baby Jesus...RIP) wants to take out my fucking sweet ride by crying all of the time hopefully I can at least do some damage on his fucking rectum with the help of Tom Araya, Kerry King, Dave Lombardo & Jeff Hanneman.

PcE.

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The Rose City Condor

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Everybody's Getting Arrested...At Bike Rally Beach

2008-09-29T00:06:00.009-04:00

This weekend found The Rose City Condor hitting up the T-dirt all weekend long in an attempt to pimp his 'artistic creations' at the Fall Season Toronto Clothing Show. I had my Artist Rep with me and while we took a hiatus from standing around like lepers we were just about to cross University and Queen when suddenly storming towards us

No, not a greyscale jpeg charging at us like Swayze and his Black Dog but rather 200 plus cyclers with their version of how the videoshoot for 'We're Not Gonna Take It' would roll in two thousand muthafucking 8. It was pretty freaking intimidating to have all of these bikes swerving around you while crossing the street. I felt like this "play of the night". Or like some uptight principal in an 80's movie who gets caught in the middle of students gone wild and by the time the all pass me I'm left standing there naked with my Buddy Holly glasses crooked and nothing but a briefcase to cover my junk. I'd then side step slowly to the right & I'd have embarrased rosey red cheeks anime style and...END SCENE.

We hit up some shops and just after noticing how Speaker's Corner got peaced out we were at the corner of Queen & John witnessing this

More than 100 cyclists protest arrest
Sep 27, 2008 08:34 PM
Christina Commisso Staff reporterPolice say more than a hundred cyclists surrounded 52 Division on Friday evening after a demonstration resulted in the arrest of one cyclist.More than 200 cyclists met at Bloor St W. and Spadina Rd. on Friday to ride their bikes through the streets of Toronto. This ride occurs on the last Friday of every month to show motorists that cyclists are part of traffic instead of blocking it. One cyclist was arrested just after the start of the demonstration for obstruction and several traffic infraction tickets were issued. Staff Sgt. Brown of 52 Division says that the tickets are nothing out of the ordinary. However, cyclists feel that police presence during the rides has become increasingly aggressive.“Cops were pushing cyclists out of the way, I think they gave out over forty tickets,” said Katie Mazer, a cyclist who participated in Friday’s ride. “I was in a ride last year and it was much more peaceful.” Darren Stehr from the group Advocacy Respects Cyclists says that police have had an inconsistent approach toward cyclists for the last three rides. “One month they’re our friends, the next month they’re arresting us,” he said. Stehr, who has been participating in the rides for the last 10 years, thinks the increased police presence during rides will not discourage cyclists from participating, “If anything, I think it will encourage more riders to show up.”

The tail end of the pack that nearly ran us over.

The Road Warriors side of the story

Unfortunately this wasn't the dude who was arrested. Well not for any bike offense. Arrested for touching grade 9 boys trying out for the badminton team...only time will tell.

So while looking for the Cheerleader Trample YouTube link (see above) I was able to find

this
So the clip ..okay.. whatevs..it is what it is..."Vinita Nair" 'a spicy a meataball' and all that shit BUT the gold Jerry is found in the comments below the clip.

LemonAndYoghurt: I didnt understand a word she said, but I didnt need to. I think she said I want you and Id like to go out on a date with you :P
Leetus: she said something about the republica
LemonAndYoghurt: you mean the band republica?? yeah they are awesome!

And on that note

'baby I'm ready to go'

PCE

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The Rose City Condor

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Red Condor...Gold Bracelet

2008-09-26T00:25:00.008-04:00

So I was going to post a picture of some nude chi on a bike and underneath the picture of the nude chi on the bike (hopefully an Ebike since this is an Ebike Blog, http://www.ebikeniagara.blogspot.com/

to be precise) I was going to place the most KILLER PUN (not to be confused with the killer of 'Pun ) you've ever read on an Ebike Blog that focuses STRICTLY on neither Ebikes nor Niagara.

The pun would read:

The Red Condor In Action.

Afterwards you would question where the pun be at, b-otch? But along the way I found THIS instead. Check that shit out then come back to me and peep the fucking MAD science I drop after the Eddie Head below.

Why is the author concerned that "..they said nothing about Ferrari"?? and NOT concerned with the DeVry level command of the Engrish language on his article? At first I thought I had Google Translate in effect boyeeeeee but clearly not the case.

Oh and before The Rose City Condor forgets:

The Red Condor In Action

hhhahahhahahhahahahhahahhahahahahaha

hahhahhaahhahahahhahahahahahahahaha!!

Anyways,

Rest in...

PEACE!!

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ThE RoSe CitY CondoR

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Faster Than The Red Condor?????

2008-09-23T21:54:00.004-04:00

Sorry, can't blog right now, I'm too caught up with these kids

"holy crap"

And to answer the Title question.....

no muthafuckin way!

PCE!

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The Rose City Condor

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Hand Job Or Custom Job

2008-09-20T15:41:00.002-04:00

The NEW & IMPROVED 'E-Bike Youth Fascist Movement' has been congregating to discuss a very serious matter near & dear to our E-Bike fascist hearts:

Should I do a conversion or get a prebuilt ebike?

According to the faqs (that's not a homophobic typo) at ebike.ca ,
"There are two approaches to acquiring an electric bicycle. Either you can start with a regular bike of your choice and install conversion kit for the electric drive, or you can purchase one of the many commercial ebikes that are on the market.
When you buy a prebuilt ebike, you get the convenience of having a turn-key product, hopefully with warranty and shop support, and a system (battery, charger, bike, and motor) that is generally well integrated and slick. At the moment though, there is shortage of well-made ebikes that are still in production. There are some good names like the Lashout, Tidalforce [these ebikes have since been discontinued--Ed.], Giant Lafree, Panasonic Folder, Mercedeze [ Carl has since sold his Mercedes Ebike to a German friend. Maybe the same germ who has been checking out this blog lately asking for more jpegs of the Olympics held in Germany--Ed.]and many more that are either discontinued or hard to come by [Does anybody know where else I can find informative sites that suggest certain Ebike names that are discontinued? That would TOTALLY help me out--Ed]. The bikes that are seen more and more frequently today are chinese imports designed for the Chinese market.
These are usually clunky low end bicycles with hub motor drives, lead acid batteries and plastic paneling. Stylistically they often try to resemble scooters rather than conventional bikes, they are cheap for companies to import since they're produced by the millions overseas, and are now available at a Canadian Tire store near you.
The slick integration of commercial ebikes is also a vulnerability, since more often than not you become locked into a proprietary set of components and the options available for upgrading or repair are greatly reduced, especially with regards to the battery pack. You are also dependent on the manufacturing company staying in business in order for these parts to stay available. As many TidalForce owners can testify this isn't something you can count on, even with the most expensive machine.
With a conversion kit approach, you have unlimited choice in the bicycle type and style, and for individuals who are already cyclists and have refined bicycle tastes then this is almost always the best route. Furthermore, you can generally pick and choose a battery pack customized to your range, weight, and speed requirements, and have the assurance that you can always upgrade and replace it down the road.
However, along with the kit comes the installation which can deter a lot of people [As well, any bike installations/alterations, by yourself or others, NOT connected to the company you bought it from totally voids any details of the warranty. So for example's sake, If you fuck up installing a whistle tip to make it go "WOOO WOOOOO" and shit jibs up.....you're fucked. --Ed Harris] In general, most hub motor kits are pretty straightforwards to mount if you have any familiarity with bicycle mechanics or are a competant hands-on type of person. There are also mid-drive conversion kits such as the StokeMonkey and Cyclone-USA which require a bit more modification to the bike, but have the advantage of using the motor through the pedal gears for a much wider speed and torque range at the wheel.
Both the conversions and prebuilt setups suffer from being a relatively new technology with lots of minor bugs and glitches that the manufacturers are still ironing out. A common sentiment by ebike owners is that it's quite nice, but still a little rough around the edges. This is true not just with the cheap imported conversion setups but even a lot of the more expensive and higher end ebikes which I've been caught having to repair.

So what is the lesson here? "It's only in da mo-nin"

PEACE!

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The Rose City Condor

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Just Let Me Introduce Myself

2008-09-17T21:38:00.003-04:00

Yoooooooooooooooooooooo

A lot of ol' ninnies are immediately captivated by the Red Condor as if they've never seen a cracker with three testies before. I'm asked 'how much/how fast/how much crack can u fit under the seat/would Diddy endorse this?

Well, to clear things up here are the Red Condor's Spex:

Wheel Base: 1230mm (48.5 inches)
Seat Above Ground: 730mm (28.75 inches)
Net Weight: w/ batteries 86kg (189lbs)
Maximum Load: 150kg (330lbs)
Maximum speed: 30+/-2km/h
Minimum Charge Range: 50-60km *
Charge Period: 4-8hrs
Wheel Size: 16" x 3.00"
Turn-Ons: A robot modeled after a real human girl. She has real hair and realistic skin. She possesses super human strength and speed and runs on atomic power. Vicki has an access panel in her back, an electric socket in her right armpit, and an RS-232 serial port under her left armpit. Vicki's artificial intelligence is not perfect. She is incapable of emotion, speaks in a monotone voice, and interprets most commands literally. She does manage to blend in to the real world to a point. Vicki attends school, and no one but her family members and a few trusted friends know her secret. Occasionally VICI had rare abilities that seemed to only appear in one or two episodes, such as elongating her neck to reach a door's peephole, shrinking her size to become as small as a doll or making herself ten feet tall to get noticed by everyone. One recurring theme was that VICI had a superpowered learning system which enabled her to improve upon something such as a new detergent or to greatly increase the gas mileage of cars, to which Ted and Jamie see it as a chance to get rich quick, only to find her improvements were not perfect. Vicki lives in a large cabinet in Jamie's bedroom, and becomes more human over the course of the show.
Cargo:Lockable rear tool box, glove box and under-seat storage
Turn-offs: the theme song from Star Trek: Enterprise;the lack of finger snapping on 'Da Kink In My Hair'; any place that sells cassettes at a jacked up price (cough, Sonic Boom) yet keeping Laser Discs at an all time low (BMV stores)
Dimension:(L*W*H*): 1870 x 700 x 1110mm (74 x 27.5 x 43.25 inches)
Brake system: F: Drum / Rear: EABS (electric absorption braking system)
Battery: 48V20AH Lead Acid - Battery Wt: 28kg (61.6lbs)
Charger: AC100-240V, BM-online (battery maintained while charging)
Motor: 48V/450W Brushless
Rated Output Torque: 32-55Nm.
Climbing Angle: 12 - 15 °
Throttle Speed Control: Right hand throttle
Operating pedals: Detachable for storage
Instrument Cluster: Ampere meter, battery, power, light and turn signal indicators
Light System: Headlight w/ high beams, turn signals, brake lights, tail lights
Features: Key ignition lock, horn, side view mirrors, sega game-gear holder
Hails From: Parts Unknown

peeeeeeeeeeace!

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The Rose City Condor

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The Condor Flies Internationally

2008-09-14T23:21:00.018-04:00

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
To all of my E-Bike Can/Am brejins The Rose City Condor says
'YOOOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAASSSSUP!!!!!!!!!!!!

To my NEW brejin from GERMANY The Rose City Condor says
'WAS GEHT/WAS LIEGT AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To my NEW brejin from the NETHERLANDS The Rose City Condor says

'WASSUP/WHAT'S OMHOOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

39 visits came from 4 countries/territories
Detail Level: City Country/Territory Sub Continent Region Continent
1.Canada -33
2.United States - 4
3.Netherlands - 1
4.Germany - 1

I wonder if my fellow German E-Biker read the bit about the E-Bike 'youth fascist movement' and emailed his buddy 'Dutch Oven' hoping to the Condor blog to be nothing but a tribute site to the '36 Olympics. Or maybe it's the tantalizing red/black/white colour scheme that has the kids drooling over a Wunderbar?

PEACE!!

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Rose City Condor

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More Hateration

2008-09-12T23:56:00.010-04:00

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I've been anticipating a whirlwind of E-Bike rants from Pulse but so far no dice. Mood - Pissed (Sorry, couldn't find a 'pissed' emoticon but I did come across this drunkie monkey)

I guess I'll just have to storm the sidewalks a lil more. Till then...

From some US based forum discussing the Schwinn Electric Bike

rant source

"Ahhhhh! How lazy can we Americans get? I suppose it's fitting for an American bike maker to actually design a "secretly" electric bicycle. Hey, thanks to the mass media we have a generation of fat, McDonald's-fed adolescents wanting to look like bulemic models, so why not add lazy cyclists who want to appear like Lance?"

countalmaviva at 12:24 AM on 10/19/06

Hey!?! What's so wrong with looking like Lance?!?!?!?

Here's some info from a fellow E-Biker buddy who has no clue who the fuck I am nor is aware that I'm dropping his name (Chris Sampson), blog (Hangzhou Tales) and/or using his picture

Anyways so the kid says:

"Is the e-bike dangerous? yes. BUT! Is the bus dangerous? yes. Well often people get aggressive when lining up or standing on the bus and will start mini-fist fights or shouting matches."

How fucking croosh would that be to witness a 'mini-fist' fight? Like dudes all matched up like Chuck Zito vs Chuck Buchner BUT with mini-fists!! Sort of like NBA Jam HUGE BIGHEAD styles but this time around kids it's MINI-FISTS! Like a mini-mall but no stores just fist.

.vs.

Chris 'Doc' Sampson has more gold jerry but I'm going to danny that shit for anotha day.

BUT
I will leave you with one bit of 'Doc Sampson' wisdom that would even blow wiseman from the future RUFUS all the way back to the Circle K circa '86:

"So in closing china's road are in a state of near anarchy but the E-bike is fun and effective."

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The Rose City Condor

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Rose City Condor Red Condor Recap Return

2008-09-12T21:37:00.009-04:00

Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

So once October 2009 comes 'round & all of the rootie poo legislations lay the smack down on E-bikes in Ontario The E-Bike Fascist Youth Movement will take the plan underground & scheme behind a flat screen. The Spandex Spicollis will be STILL picking the spandex wedge between their skeeter bite wangers and then

WE STRIKE!!
Until then...I want one of these:

The Peugeot 20Cup

And once the pouty-pouties start crying the blues about the 20Cups on tha streetz I'll hit 'em with one of

THESE

BAM!!!

THEN

BAM!BAM!

THEN....

PEACE! I'm out!

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The Rose City Condor

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Rose City Condor Red Condor Recap

2008-09-09T00:15:00.011-04:00

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Okay so if you were freakin' coldcocked last night by the Hurricane Miroslav-esque force of crucial quality television programming (Big Brother/Entourage/True Blood/MTVMVAs/US Open) then I'll danny the hammer time you should get for sleeping on the recent E-Bike info that is more detrimental than the ass exam that 'Stand Up 2 Cancer' was informing us to undergo.

I know son!!!

My thoughts exactly!!!

This shouldn't be confused with that other site 'stand Up 2 Prancer' which has the hulks of hollywood begging us to boycott the Weinsteins for ripping out 20 minutes on the new 'Prancer Returns:Revisited' which comes out on dvd tomorrow.

So if you're still some jib sticking your teeny wanger in the mashed potatoes, here's the rundown :

Around the way there were the scooter girls who were poppin' caps and johnny blazin' the streets of Thorold on their Razor . Always rip roarin' around like rip roarers or rural jurors (take your pick) on their sweet ride . Behold...the Razor Ramon of all mod bikes.

I wanted one but thought that I'd be pulling an Igor hunched all up on that shit. Although there are some chi in Niagara (Chi-agara if you will) who rock one of those lil teeny wanger 'Planet Terror' minibikes.

So whenever we were chillin' on the ver-anda of the Granny Pad the Scooter Girls would always zip by. For the longest time I've been to much of a huge vagina (with stink lines!) to rock a Vespa but always wanted one. And I was "too big" for the folks at Bigfoot to handle so ffwd a bit and BAMMMM! Like a Phoenix THE CONDOR has risen! And yes there have been insults. Yes there have been racial slurs regarding the red colour of the Condor's skin. Yes there have been cars swerving at me like Stuntman Mike. There has been a lot of Spandex Spicollis picking the spandex away from their sweaty testisacks. Porn moustaches that would put Tom Selleck or even RICK DERRINGER to shame are also in the mix. Oh yes, the E-Bike wave is spreading like a wave of high fives at Chopseys after hearing about the competitions incompetence. A new friend from around the Granny Pad way has fools frontin fly girls act material (pssst..he doesn't live at home with his mom) with what I call 'The BLUE Red Condor'

Easy now ladies!!! Close your legs!!!! There's enough BLUE Red Condor for you all!!!

Again son, I have to say I KNOW SON!!!

My thoughts exactly son, again!!!

This is something else The Rose City Condor needs (and continues to obsess over) for my nest:

BAAAAAAAAAAAAM!

The 2008 Can-Am Spyder!!!

Year (of specifications) 2008 model year
Engine 998 cc V-twin
Transmission seqential 5-speed, belt

Max speed 110 mph
Horsepower 106 hp @ 8500 rpm
Weight 316 kg / 697 lbs (dry)
Seat height 737 mm / 29 inches

The Can-Am Spyder roadster from BRP (Bombardier Recreational Products) is the first 'on-road' vehicle from the company.

Check out more of the Spyder's sweet science here

Shit son, The Rose City Condor has to go recharge. I'm peacing out early but I'll tap that blog ass tomorrow.

PEACE!

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The Rose City Condor

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This Just In From The Condor Nest...

2008-09-04T22:43:00.009-04:00

YOYOYOYOYOYO

While I've been ranting about Spandex Spicollis, enjoying Rick Martel's fragarance and promoting the use of sidewalks for all means of transportation others have been keeping the condor up to date on all of the brass regarding these fucking 'bike-path motorcycles' known as E-bikes. Mirage had this to say:

Currently, the jury is out on 'proper' regulation of these vehicles as they're in a 'pilot' stage by thegovernment of Ontario, with some particular eye-brow raising attention to the larger 'scooter' application (i.e.Condor), and it is working out in your favor (thus far). Your machine is classified as a "Power-Assisted Bicycle"or PAB (even though it's a scooter), and is road legal in terms of following bicycle regulations, but not that of amotorcycle, moped, or scooter. The brass tacks have not been ironed out in terms of the specific classification forroad use in the future, mainly relating to their likeness to Mopeds.

aka

"Currently, the jury is out on 'proper' regulation of these vehicles as they're in a 'pilot' stage by the government of Ontario, with some particular eye-brow raising attention to the larger 'scooter' application (i.e.Condor), and it is working out in your favor (thus far). Your machine is classified as a "Power-Assisted Bicycle"or PAB (even though it's a scooter), and is road legal in terms of following bicycle regulations, but not that of a motorcycle, moped, or scooter. The brass tacks have not been ironed out in terms of the specific classification for road use in the future, mainly relating to their likeness to Mopeds."

PAB eh? So that will be the true birth name of the Condor ....

PABLO (Power-Assisted Bicycle Loves Opposition)

Essentially sooner or later the shit will drop. But what I would like to ask is what about the old ninny 4-wheelers and the kiddy push scooters that have motors and shit? I've had fucking Spandex Spicollis yell to get my 'motorcycle off the pathway' but the old perv from Family Guy blazing the trail with no feedback whatsoever. He's even inviting kids from popcicles in the basement?!?! But the kids have to stay down there to eat them with him as the 'upstairs heat will melt them immediately. The Mirage also mentions:

As a comparison - in Ontario, Mopeds are considered a "limited speed motorcycle" and DO require licensing (written test, M1, M2 etc), plating, and insurance to operate - where as yours obviously does not. Many 'purists' who consider some of these new E-Bikes and all E-Scooters to be in league with Mopeds seem to be trying to have this same(unfortunate) classification of "limited speed motorcycle" placed on some E-Bikes and all E-Scooters going forward,instead of their current PAB status. This would mean that you would possibly need a license (testing), plating,insurance, and for the vehicle to pass a safety test to be road-legal. The 'pilot' duration is set to expire in October of 2009, at which time legal changes may take effect. I'd keep those revolutionary fingers crossed if I were you.

Also I would have to ask, 'what is the definition of "limited speed motorcycle" in terms of speed? Is it a matter of the Condor not being able to hit 60k ? 50k? 43.3534k? A gentleman informed me of ways to tweak the bike so that The Condor could bypass certain speed caps (but that would make the Condor ineligable for any shenanigans covered by the 1year warranty) therefore is the Condor so limited after all? And again, what about the Ninny Wagons? And also there is the debate of what makes a 'motorcycle'? If I had one of those Bigfoot Powerwheels and tweaked it, what then?

E-Bike Laws, Ontario

A quote taken from the above link.

"This inconsistency has been raised to the attention of the Electric Vehicle Council of Ottawa (EVCO) and is currently before the Provincial Offences Courts.[12] In Ontario, mopeds require, plating, and insurance. (HTA, section 7, and TheCompulsory Automobile Insurance Act) Owner of such vehicles may, depending on their insurer, be required to show a safety certificate when insuring their vehicle.[13]"

Government Info On E-Bikes

(quotes from above 1979)

"The province continues to review both existing and new vehicle types to determine whether they fit into the HTA(Highway Traffic Act) or if a new vehicle definition is required. Road safety will be a key consideration in determining which new vehicles or devices may operate on Ontario's roads."

"The ministry has become aware of scooter-style vehicles that technically meet the pilot's e-bike definition, but not the intent, as they are not primarily operated by muscular power due to their heavy weight. Therefore, in addition to evaluating how safely the e-bike can integrate with other motor vehicles, bicycles, and pedestrians, the emergence of the scooter-style e-bikes requires the ministry to also assess if the pilot's original intent continues to be appropriate. The ministry may clarify its position on the original intent of the pilot when final legislation is drafted."

Gov't E-Bike FAQ

(more quotes from above 1979)

"17. If a police officer stopped someone who is drunk while driving an e-bike, how would they be charged? Would this be a Criminal Code offence? HTA offence?

A - Drinking and driving a motor vehicle is a Criminal Code offence and charges are laid under the Criminal Code of Canada. Under the Criminal Code, the definition of a "motor vehicle" includes an e-bike and anyone operating an e-bike while intoxicated could be charged with impaired driving. If convicted, the offender would be subject to the CriminalCode penalties, including a fine or jail time; and a driving prohibition. However, under this pilot regulation, an E-bike would not be a motor vehicle under the Highway Traffic Act, so penalties for impaired driving under the Act would not apply."

What about the Ninny carts? When I was blazing up the Canal Pathway with the Condor en route back home to the Rose a man by the name of Gerry Atric riding an ol' ninny bastard cart was chatting me up. He had just came back from the Rose City hospital, had some x-rays taken and excused his subtle slur caused by the few he had (not at Meco's) but at the Bridge Pub. Would that son be charged? Would his cart fall under motor vehicle? When it comes down to it...what about the ol fart carts? You're wondering who is the final Cylon yet to be revealed???? Fuck that! What about the Ninny carts? Is David Spade the biological father to his Ex-girlfriend/Playboy Playmate's child on the way? Fuck that! What about the Ninny carts? (But actually it was confirmed, he IS) Do you like people playin on your phones? Fuck THAT! I don't like people playing on my phones AND what about the Ninny carts?

More goodies from the Mirage:

Here's another good link / article on scooters in general which includes your PABLO:

A quote from it.

"The PABs have not been without controversy.[My kinda bike--Rose City Condor] Many cyclists on muscle-powered bikes are frustrated that the larger PABs- electric scooters - are being ridden in bike lanes and pathways in parks. They argue that the electric scooters'bulk and weight pose safety risks to other cyclists, and that there needs to be greater clarity as to what qualifies as a PAB, and what should be considered a full-grown scooter. However others have argued that the electric scooters are appropriately labeled as a PAB because of their limited maximum speed of 32 km/h (which is much slower than traditional scooters)."

First off, have these T-dot T-douches seen The Rose City Condor??? You want muscle power go check out Lou Ferigno (who i did have a pose off with ...and WON...maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that) How the fuck does this pose a safety risk??? THEY'RE FUCKING FLLLLLLLLLLLYING PASSED ME! I can't even run into the fucks are side-swipe them since they just fucking Ben Johnson by me. My good friend

even fucking smokes me! He's in the fucking Welland Canal avoiding mattreses, ten-speeds ghost ridden into the abyss, rose city sluts who didn't make it to their next shift at Babies and the fucking dude from Crabbie Joe's Smokes the Chron!! Somebody call Geraldo and tell him that Hoffa's belongings can be found in the Rose Canal. The fucking glacier that smoked the Titanic even poses no threat for my friend

and he is still able to pass on by. I just think they fucking 2-bit Tom Sellecks On Wheels are jealous they have to fucking exert themself while I just cruise with the greatest of ease. Some chick on an E-Bike could even have a moustache ride in progress and still be able to just cruise on her E-Bike. That makes the Spandex Spicollis jealous. They're just angry they have to pedal. Jealous they can't get a moustache ride while on their bike. E-Bikers can. Take that. If I wanted to ride free and easy with Kenny the Half-Man from Springer on my lap playing Paperboy on Gameboy, we can do that. Spicollis would be pissed!

Hahhahahhahahah, my E-Bike's name is PABLO! (Cue DX Rage rip-off theme here)

pCe

THe RoSe CiTy ConDor

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Road Rage

2008-09-04T11:00:00.004-04:00

I found these rants in the Pulse around August:

This is to all you cyclists everywhere, it's great that you want to ride your bikes everywhere. But evrytime I pass you once, I shouldn't have to pass you again. Start acting like a car. Obey the rules of the road and stop acting like morons.
[Pulse Editor's Note: And I wish everytime I passed you on my bike, I wouldn't have to pass you again as most drivers speed up just to sit at a red light. If both agreed to not act like morons, the roads would be a much safe place.]

----Aug.11, 2:42 am

The same can be said for the fucking spandex Spiccolis [as in WWF Louie (RIP) , not Jeff] who feel the need to show off like Mr.Perfect when he threw a touchdown pass to himself (but they're nowhere as perfect) and speed right passed you only to have you fucking granny it behind them as they drink their Faygo from some 'high-tech' sports bottle (which actually just fell out of a plane just above X-cess Cargo and is really only shit-tech. BAM!).

Moving along...

I totally enjoy this (especially at 1:15 in) to the max and this second rant (found in the Pulse):
To all the asshole drivers who say they like to splash)pedestrians and cyclists: watch yourself. The next person you splash just might be splashing a rock in their pocket ready to pack a pitch into your back window.

--Aug.10, 7:43 pm

I'm not sure how you splash a rock in your pocket, perhaps you can make a splash in your pocket with a rock (of a hammer) but in the meantime...

PCE!!!

THE ROSE CITY CONDOR

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The Red Condor Returns

2008-09-01T14:51:00.010-04:00

Wassssssssssup...

It's been a few...I had a nearly 9/11 PC scare...Bless Allah for I.T. nrrrdz. As well the Condor was 'in tha shop' having the the teeny wanger throttle situation fixed. The Condor couldn't handle any slope/bump too well, that shit couldn't handle the areola on your momma's left tit let alone Burleigh Hill. The gentleman took a break from the WestSide Fry Truck and brought my Condor to a shop in T-dirt. The Condor was dissected while they listened to this album . It turned out that the speed limiter was plugged in limiting the Condor's speed and enhancing my need for speed. Alleged-lee any bike that can exceed 20k in China is prohibited from using the bike lanes thus the limiter is placed. Now considering that the Condor has only 2 bits that are Amerian/Canadian made (the 'Mobility Unlimited' sticker on the back and the 'Ebike' storage compartment) it makes sense that the tools and regulations of Asia (not the band, that would rule though) are implemented. Now the Great Condor smokes the Giant Tiger sponsored Spandexers on their Tour De Fonthill 10 speeds. Well, The Condor smokes them only if they're going less than 40 k. But nonetheless they're pissed and envious at the same time. Or maybe their look is brought on by their gel seats and grinding motion. Sick fucks. So while you're wondering why there is a lack of paragraph breaks and run-ons I will take this moment to thank all of the Condor Lovers out their in the world. The online feedback has been crucial, the on-road feedback has been minimal since I placed a sign on the Condor's beak that reads "This Isn't A Motorcycle...Quit Crying The Fucking Blues". One person who uses both a computer AND the internet informed me that I should 'air brush some wizards on that bitch'. That was a great moment indeed. Another gentleman who utilizes his online access to the max informed me that I should wear a cape. I already have my Nacho Libre cape at the cleaners. The cleaners are located right by Fongs and across from the Thorold Sev. If you park your E-bike there, use dual kickstand not the single (that lot is too hilly slanty) Your bitch might tip like a cokehead at the Saucer who just came from the Downer and received no action who then in turn finds the most slightly attractive server and gives her a fiddy for a side of olives and a vodka shooter. If you don't get it, that means the tip will be a lot. So don't park there (at Sev, on the hill) . Another individual of the non-male sort mentioned that the E-Bike Niagara Blog was "ridiculous".

I noticed 2 ads in the Pulse advertising e-bike shops. I noticed some jib down the street has an e-bike that is slightly faster but seems heavier. I noticed an E-bike at the Brownstone Pub that could reach a top speed of 60k. And I noticed that some 8yr old girl has an e-bike that looks like a vespa but is way smaller in size and runs at about 28k. At the time that was only 4k less than the Condor. I took a picture to admire the bike's Vespa like features. Some say I took the picture to admire other features that would make me a star on Dateline NBC.

Way more informative:

http://www.ebikes.ca/

rules and stuff that are folklore in my mind http://www.macphersonclan.com/rod/ebike/wordpress/?cat=4

http://www.citybikercanada.com/?p=26

an e-biker's blog that only revolutionized the idea of having a dead blog which hasn't been updated in a year: http://ebikerevolution.blogspot.com/

pCe,

The Rose City Condor

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Enter:The Condor

2008-08-20T13:21:00.011-04:00

My new toy!

Need for a licence?

Peace!

Am I a total pump chump bitching about the price of gas while

upgrading from a Hummer to the monster truck used in Roadhouse?

Peace!

Sure maybe my new sweet ride isn't as fast as Bigfoot Fastrax

but really who or what is?

I've had my e-bike for about 2 weeks now and already I've encountered many douche rags who oppose the e-bike revolution. These include:

part-time roofer/full time dog-fucker douche wands who feel that it's righteous to honk & holla "get off the road before I get you off the road" while driving a total shit box camaro and having their girlfiend/kife hypnotize you with her beauty that is on par with a jpeg of an Arby's meat sandwich (taken from a commercial from '86. Eww. Gross) and aliens like these

fuck wad present day Tom Selleck (without moustache) Tour De Port Colborne cyclers who rock the Fashion Max quality spandex with logos from very questionable sponsors ('Fast Eddie's Good Shit N Stuff', Sweet Peppers Bush Party Hand Jobs') who stop at nothing to refer to your 'motorcycle' as not being allowed on bike trails and crying the blues.

fucking chi tub-a-lards who idolized Bam Bam Bigelow for his sick head tatt and feel the urge to yell 'Uh Oh, here comes Harley Davidson' all the while sitting outside a place of business Sopranso style (but looking more chi and nowhere as chill) arguing that even though they were all able to deposit some protein between the rear cheeks of their volunteer fire fighter buddy, they weren't 'no fucking fag'. The list goes on.

Anytime The Condor hits the streets the kids can't handle it. I feel the hate from fucks in cars and bicycles immediately. If you ride the streets they honk/yell/swerve/act like fuck tards. If you listen to their advice and ride the sidewalk (which totally kicks it up a notch) you receive the 'triple h' (honk/holla/"homo") treatment. But alas, the more heat there is the more you have to kick it up a notch.

Anyways, if you have any great e-bike related stories, e-bike rants, advice, suggestions for bike lane friendly routes in Niagara, hot tips on e-bike vendors/models, whatever e-shit you have, drop me a line and we can create an E-Bike Fascist Regime. In the meantime I'll have to fix this wack default layout shit and try to get a hndl on this html. Meep Mop.

pce,

The Rose City Condor