Thursday, November 27, 2008

My Favorite Day - BLACK FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HAPPY MUTHAFUCKIN'
$$$$BLACK FRIDAY$$$$
BOOYA KA BOOYA KA!!!
Let us take a moment on this Friday to remember the Black, to reflect and pour a 40 on the curb for our dead homies--the heroes of Earth who happened to be black who also happened to leave this planet wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too fucking early. Well, at least before 'House Party 5' came out.
Oh, doesn't BLACK FRIDAY also mean maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad fuckin' dealios and 5000 thousand pound mamas living outside FASHION MAX;TAR-JAY;BEST CHI & most importantly A.J. Wright (more to be blogged about that fuckin' place later)
Why yes it does. Black Friday also exists in the Cyber World as well.
Peep this shit stain:

(sorry, no free Choclair tapes here. Though I do remember checking out Choclair with the Bird back in the day all and he fucking did was hip hop karaoke over Snoop Jams and shit. I must say, Let's Ride is fucking TUFF)
But the juice here is our bruthas from anutha mutha who have peaced us out (unintentionally) for life. Raise the Hypnotiq and press play on the following clip. Scroll down while feeling the power and glory of our nubian knights in fleshy black armor. .Totally Bummed.
At first I thought a sweet ride on the Rose City Red Condor might cheer me up, but then I'd see all of the black ice on the Niagara Region road ways and then I'd think of bruthas since passed. I'll probably just scour the Dr.Jays site for some sweet thredz
OR
FUCKIN' LAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH
FUCKIN HYSTERICALLY
AT THIS CRACKA!



pCe!

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the rose city condor

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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Harry Colonic Jr

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This one is pretty crucial too.
pCe!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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the rose city condor
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Angry Youth and KIFE Comics

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So while bringing some Vice rag backissues to the grey box (no, that's not rose city slang for slamming the hot rod into some granny's wrinkle pouch from Chicken Fish Island. though, it should be) I noticed that I had forgot to save the last page from each issue. Shit SON!!! The last page lately has been a comic strip from me if i were a comic artist but instead it's some dude named Johnny Ryan.
So like any jerk in 2008 I figured I'd google that shit so I could collect as much data as I could so then I could spout off any old bullshit that nobody else has googled and come off like a fucking douche-it-all. While doing so I steve stumbled across a Johnny Ryan interview:
BAGGE: What comics did you read in your childhood?
RYAN: Lots of Marvel trash. I used to collect the worst comics, like Team America (that was a comic about motorcross) and U.S. 1 (that was a comic about trucking. I used to love trucking.).

I then realized that this comic dude WAS IN FACT ME! If you check under my bed right now there will be issues of both! About 5 issues of each came bundled in a comic bag that I got from So Low for about 3 bucks along with the RC Cola gum. Word has it that Swayze's BLACK DOG was inspired by US1.

So come take a little journey with us. It's 1983 and Marvel Comics - flushed on the success of top-selling fan favorite X-Men, critically accalimed Epic titles and a string of lucrative liscensed books - is adroitly attempting to cash in on the trucking and CB craze which swept America .... five years previous. Ten-Four good buddies!

Running twelve issues, US1 follows the adventure of U.S.Archer and his amazing cybernetic big rig US1 as they travel down US Highways and USe restrooms and the USual stuff all across the USA. U See?
US1 was something like Speed Racer with wide loads, from the assortment of vehicle-oriented villains right down to the family connection. In fact, like Speed's brother Racer X, US's brother Jeff was a mysteriously-clad driver whose path continually crossed with his brother's. The only difference was that, in his disguise as the Highwayman and driving the "devil-truck" Blackrig, Jeff was trying to off his brother.

The rest of the cast included US and Jeff's adoptive folks, the tragically nicknamed "Wide-Load Annie," and her husband "'Poppa' Wheelie.' Get it? 'Poppa' Wheelie. HAHAHAHA. Also part of the crew were US's dense mechanic friend Retread (No, not Retard), short order cook and love interest Mary McGrill and femme fatale Taryn O'Connell....

As to the story, following a near-fatal run-in with his disguised brother and that darn "devil-truck," US has a metal plate installed in his skull - turns out the thing can pick up and receive short wave broadcasts, and so US1 disturbingly christens it his "CB Skull." With that and his rig, US takes on adventure all across the nations, including more run-ins with the Highwayman, races with competing drivers (inlduing Taryn) and a confrontation with the deadly, "hypno-whip" wielding Midnight - secretly a possessed Mary McGrill turned evil.
In between attempts by the legal team of Clutch, Grab and LeGreed (sigh) to foreclose on Poppa and Wide Load's diner (The Short Stop), US is visited by the representative of an alien federation seeking an Terran trucker to represent our humble little world in civilized space. In a final issue blowout, pencilled by guest artist Steve Ditko, US and Jeff race for the privilige of being the first intergalactic errand boy (eat THAT, Futurama). Ultimately, and obviously, the race ends with US as the victor and the entire cast - minus a suddenly repentant and solemn Taryn O'Connell - moving to the fringes of known space - where I would have stranded them at the beginning of the first issue, but that's just me.

Never mind the more curious parts of the final story, such as US1 being fitted to operate as a space vehicle, or the inexplicably savage and totally unjustified sibling rivalry between Jeff and US, or the alien with the barely perceptible but often mentioned trucker-lingo-laced accent; I'll always remember US1 for one line of dialogue, uttered by Jeff as he pilots into space, and one which I feel describes the greater portion of comics published annually:

"No! I don't like it! It's too big, too dark! And it makes my stomach hurt


You can catch a better looking blog with the aformentioned shit here

pCe!!!

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the rose city condor

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Thursday, November 20, 2008

Where Have My Japanese Friends Gone?

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Yes it's true, the Rose City Condor has been M.I.A for a bit and YES, it is true that the ratings have DROPPED an inciduous 36 PERCENT!?!?!!!!!!!!!

JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where you at? Only one Japanese Ebike enthusiast is keeping it real on the Condor tip! Thanks Derek, or whoever you are.

CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Has Charlie Murphy not been more entertaining than the 5 man dragon with the crazy eyes, paper mache body, and Snuffalupaguss style mysterious nature? If you say he has NOT! then I say, SORRY, Yes HE HAS! It IS that simple.
Was the moment of Screech's belittlement by a REAL LIFE drill Sergeant more of an ADRENALINE RUSH than a CHINESE FIRE DRILL!?!?!! Even if you watch the clip below...the answer is still
'YES, ROSE CITY CONDOR, A REAL LIFE DRILL SERGEANT CUSSING AT SCREECH IS MORE OF AN ADRENALINE RUSH COMPARED TO A REAL LIFE CHINESE FIRE DRILL ADRENALINE RUSH'




What the Rose City Condor wants to know is....
How many fucking 'ludes did the girl pop before the intro?
(the first person to guess correctly wins a free bitmap sent DIRECTLY to their Email INBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Well, if the current Ebike info has been lacklustre for the rest of the world well then hopefully this will reign supreme during this period of blog sweeps.

The author of the article below is an online mystery.
No name was attached to such literary beauty and grace.
Only the following grade A type jpeg of delicious jerk material was provided.

Usually when you right click 'save as' the person's name will be a part of the file. So based on that I've been able to channel the spirit voice of Robert Stack and solve this Unsolved Mystery and will identify her as:

501258060500jpg_00000046848.jpg

Or 'thumper' for short.

The dudes at the office always chant behind her back,

'good ol THUMP-ER! Pumper in the dumper!'

Oh those guys!

Here's her article--great read I must say. WAAAAAAAAAY better than that book that spelled camp with a K! And not ONE but fucking TWO spelling mistakes in the title alone!!!!. 'Camp' with a K and an F on the end?!?!?!?!? Madness.

Are e-bikes the wave of the future?
The United States is a car nation. For the entire 20th century, Americans have steadfastly embraced the automobile — even knuckling under outrageous prices to make automotive transportation the only way to go. Moreover, since the automobile was invented, this country's foreign policy has gravitated toward positions that ensure plentiful and affordable gasoline. This has held true despite numerous energy crunches and subsequent attempts to adopt alternative energies.
Until now, solar energy as a way to power motors hasn't taken off, and electric vehicles powered only by batteries are greeted with disdain. However, as battery and fuel-cell research continues, we may, one day, have the means for using this energy to power our cars.
If and when alternative energy vehicles are perfected, most Americans will still have to buy into the idea. Consumers won't blindly leap into new technology, but must be brought into it slowly.
Perhaps electric bicycles will signal a shift in attitude away from fossil-fuel power to alternative power. After all, countries not as beholden to traditional automobiles have already adopted them. The Japanese, for instance, bought more than 250,000 electric bikes from major Japanese manufacturers in 1998, according to electric bicycle consultant, Ed Benjamin. Benjamin, along with consultant Frank Jamerson, estimate that by 2001, 1 million e-bikes will be sold annually, and by 2003, 6 million will be in use worldwide.
In the United States alone, 78 million baby boomers are around the age of 50. They are the first American generation to be raised with an increased awareness of our fragile environment. They also may be the ones who believe that zipping along at 15 to 20 mph for 20 miles between recharges — without adding pollution or tapping into dwindling fossil fuel reserves — is something to consider.
As everyone knows, gas prices have skyrocketed and there's no guarantee they'll drop anytime soon. And lawmakers have made a point to target gas guzzlers. Car companies recognize this and some have leapt into the e-bike arena. This is especially true in Europe and Japan. Recently, American automakers have joined the effort. Automotive legend Lee Iacocca founded electric vehicle distributor, EV Global Motors Co.
"Let's face it, gas prices have gone through the roof," he says. "With this most recent gas hike, general inquiry calls to our office have increased significantly."
Most of the calls, says Iacocca, are people who have heard about electric bikes but really haven't paid attention until now.
"With the transportation problems facing the general public," says Iacocca, noting increased gas prices, repair costs, smog, and standstill traffic, "I am convinced that electric vehicles are the wave of the future."
Indeed, in parts of Europe and Asia electric bicycles have replaced cars altogether. Foreign consumers look for sturdy bikes that work well and are able to carry goods, says Benjamin. Americans, on the other hand, are more interested in bikes for fun, choosing sporty features and performance over functionality. For this reason, it's hard to imagine Americans will ever replace their cars with bikes. But with automakers developing e-bikes, it remains to be seen if consumers vote with their pocket books and put e-bikes on the streets. Doing so may play a crucial role in the future of all electric vehicles.

Oh by, the way, this article is about 8 years old.

PcE!

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THE ROSE CITY CONDOR

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Fuck Your Couch

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Since about '95 I was searching online for a transcript of Charlie Murphy telling his Rick James story on the Chappelle show. Every night I would watch the clip thru Winamp and just try to document whatever the fuck Charlie was spitting out. The click click stop pause click click routine was tired reallllllllll fucking quick. Every year before Canzine I would take another crack at that shit in hopes of releasing a one-off zine called 'Fuck Your Couch' with just stills and the transcript. It's 2 thousand muthafucking 8...almost 9 and I've yet to succeed...

..till now.

Just in case anybody can't figure it out:
DC as RJ is Dave Chappelle playing Rick James.RJ is Rick James.and CM is Charlie Murphy

CM: I get out the Navy, my brother's famous, his fame is exploding. I'm real proud of that. You know what I mean. I'm getting to hang out with people that I only read about in magazines and seen on the screen somewhere. I'm standing next to them, being at dinner tables with them. And you know it was a bugout, man. And you know, I was a huge Rick James fan. That's the first person that I would say that out of all the celebrities that I met, that I was starstruck.

CM: We gonna hang out with Rick James tonight, you know what I'm saying. And he comes out the room and I look at him and I'm not bullshitting, man I seen like an orange. His aura or whatever, I seen it. It was orange.

CM: We started kicking it and he was mad niggerish, man, which was, you know, right up my alley.


DC as RJ: I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. I'm one of the best singers and one of the best lookin' motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch.

CM: He'd walk up to any chick and lick the whole side of their face, man.

DCasRJ [licks chick's face]: "I'm Rick James, bitch. Enjoy yourself. Hehehehhehe."


CM: We got closer, started hanging out. My brother... didn't do any of this shit. So at night when Eddie would break out, we would all be doin', getting crazy and wild. And if I was hanging with Rick, he had this thing with me where he used to always like fuck with me, man. I don't know what started it.

RJ: "You know hanging out with the big dogs. You know, Charlie didn't know. He was doing crazy things and I had to straigthen him out, sometimes I had to go upside his head.

CM: Things escalated to the point where, you know, my man got too familar and I'd ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually, he's a habitual linestepper.

CM: First time, you know, I had to end up whooping his ass. We went to Studio 54. We walk up into the VIP section and I'm looking around to see who's there,looking at the girls and everything and all of the sudden I heard someone go:

DC as RJ: "CHARLIE MURPHY! [PUNCHES CM] That was cold blooded, in my dictionary

CM: He had this ring on to commemorate this song he had put out called "Unity".
RJ: And this was imprinted in that black head of his for at least a week.

DC as RJ: Unity!

CM: Eddie and everybody else thought that that was the funniest shit. And so that threw me in a weird space cause I'm like 'Yeah, this is Rick James, he's a star.'

DC as RJ: I'm Rick James, bitch. This is a celebration, bitch.

CM: Maybe I'm overreacting, I actually went there. Maybe I shouldn't do nothing, but my ghetto side was goin' 'Yo, stomp this motherfucker out right here.' What the fuck is wrong with him?

DC as RJ: I'm just unwindin'. I'm just getting started, bitches.

CM: He totally just wrote me off like I'm that nigger to steal on.RJ: What, he's gonna smack me back? I'm Rick James, He's Charlie Murphy.

CM: I waited cuz I knew what hotel he was staying in. Eddie and them went home and I said 'I'll be right back.' I shot up to the hotel, went up to his room and knocked on the door.

DC as RJ: So then he comes in ther and I said look bitch I'm Rick James, smacked him! Hehehehehehe. Oh!.. Charlie Murphy!

CM: He had his hand cocked to throw another right hand. When he was coming for it, I just came BWOW! Caught him with the front.

RJ: Charlie like he gave me some kind of Bruce Lee cross kick or something.

CM: I kicked the shit out of him. BWOW!CM: The wind is knocked out of him and he screams out:DC as RJ: Security!

CM: The one in the front, he had crooked eyes and shit, one eye was looking at me and the other was lookin' at Rick. And Rick had edged over by the window.

DC as RJ: Now darkness, the tables are turned! Do with him whatever you like!

CM: You motherfuckers take one more step, I'm kicking this nigger out the motherfucking window.

DC as RJ: [to security guys] Freeze!

CM: You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. Look what you did to my face.
DC as RJ: I'm sorry Charlie Murphy. It was an accident, I was having too much fun. I offer you a truce, the stickiest of the icky. You wanna smoke with your old boy Rick James?

CM: Yo man, my forehead is bumpin' man!

DC as RJ: NOw that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. But, I got the medicine. Bitch, come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy! I'm Rick James, bitch! [CLAPS]

CM: That was how that particular incident ENDED, but it wasn't the last time I had to whoop his ass.

RJ: Don't you think Charlie's a little old to be taking karate? He was probably taking it with little kids. Yeah, CHarlie whooped my ass in his dreams, I told you Charlie has delusions of grandeur in his head. I'm tellin' you what's happening.commercial


CM: The studio 54 thing, you know, that blew over you know what I'm saying. But you know, here we go again.RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug!

CM: Cause Rick is incorrigible. He shows up at my brother's house, fucked up.DC as RJ: Nice place, nigger!

CM: So he had these dirty cowboy boots on. Pushed us out of the way, barged in the house. My brother had these brand new couches, they were suede, right? And he gets on the couch and says...

DC as RJ: Why don't I stretch out? Hahaha!

CM: And just started grinding mud all into the couch, man.

RJ: Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.Offscreen dude: You remember why you did it?

RJ: Cause Eddie could buy another one.

DC as RJ: Fuck your couch, nigger! Ha ha! Buy another one, ya rich motherfucker. Fuck your couch, nigger. Fuck your couch! Darknesses, darknesses!

CM: Cause of my complexion, he used to call me darkness. He calls me and my brother darkness. Darkness brothers. See, this was long before Wesley Snipes, back then we was the blackest niggers on the planet according to Rick James.

RJ: Eddie and both of them darkness. Twin brother darkness.

CM: And we're standing there looking at him and he's looking right in our eyes as he grinds this mud.

RJ: See, I never just did things just to do them, c'mon I mean, what I'm gonna do just all of the sudden just jump up and grind my feet in somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that. ...Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.


RJ: See, I never just did things just to do them, c'mon I mean, what I'm gonna do just all of the sudden just jump up and grind my feet in somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that. ...Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.


CM: But then it was like 'You know what? Let's handle this' We went over there and we held him down and we just wailed on his legs.



DC as RJ: Awwww! You Darkness. You black. Midnight. Evil motherfuckers. Black magic, darkness. Darkness. Delirious motherfuckers. You are cold as ice.

CM: But still, Rick James, even after taking a beating like that.


DC as RJ: Fuck your couch, nigger!

CM: This motherfucker's goin out, his legs is like linguine.

DC as RJ: I've been kicked out of better homes than this. I'll be back, you black motherfuckers. Wide nose having motherfuckers. They should've never given you niggers money. You don't know how to appreciate shit. You know you can get another couch. What am I gonna do about legs, Eddie Murphy!

CM: My brother, you know, he's a lot more compassioniate than I am. He's lookin' and the limo's driving off and he says 'Wow man, Rick really needs help'. I was like 'Sho, we just gave him some help! Busted his fuckin' ass. I betcha he won't come over here and disrespect like that again.' WRONG! WRONG! You're talking about Rick James, man.

RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug.commercialCM: I had to fuck him up at 54, not at, for what we did at 54, I had to go to the hotel room and kick the shit out of him. Then he came over to my brother's house and I had to whip his legs because of what he did on the couch.

RJ: I heard him tell a story that he came into the China Club one time and I was behind the bar, now this is true.

CM: This particular night I go over to the China Club. I walk in. And I'll never forget the first thing I seen was OJ Simpson. I remember thinking to myself 'Wow, that's O.J. Simpson, he has a big fucking head, man!' And I walk from there and I went in the other section and there's Rick behind the bar.

DC as RJ: Drink up, be merry! Welcome! To the China Club! A chunna, a chinna, a chine uh, a chung a chang!CM: Rick is you know, being Rick.

DC as RJ: Come on, bitches, show me your titties! I'm Rick James, do something. Um Um! I wish I had more hands so I could give those tittles four thumbs down.

CM: I didn't realize how high he was. Next thing you know he's like:


DC as RJ: CHarlie Murphy! What's up partner?! Darkness, everybody! Everyone, darkness is spreading! Come over here Charlie!

RJ: I'm behind the bar and I'm serving drinks and Charlie bends over and I call out 'Charlie, come here.

'DC as RJ: Charlie, there's a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face?

CM: What?

DC as RJ: SLAP!!DC as RJ: Cold blooded! Bang bang! I'm Rick James, bitch. Everybody, King Kong ain't got shit on me!CM: I'm standing there, I'm thinking 'This nigger really has lost his fuckin' mind.' First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok? I mean, even when slapping was fashionable. You know, they did it Paris. The guy would come up, WAPAP! 'I challenge you to a duel.' They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go! I was just buggin' out. Anyway, I waited for five minutes, something like that.

DC as RJ: That's right, bitch! That's right bitch! Hehehe. Ah Darkness! Darkness, Brother Darkness!

CM: What's up man? I wanna tell you something. Check it out, check it out. I wanna tell you something! Come here.

DC as RJ: Oh, what's goin' on?! [CM slaps RJ]

CM: I slapped the shit out of him.

DC as RJ: Goddamn!

CM: I came down on it like this. The extensions was flying all over the place.

RJ: That is absurd!

CM: And he stepped back and his eyes welled up with water like he was getting ready to cry.

DC as RJ: Why you hit me like that, Charlie?!

CM: Cuz you hit me, man!

DC as RJ: That was weeks ago, motherfucker! I'm partying!

CM: No, that was tonight!

CM: I see that he totally really forgot.

DC as RJ: I hit you tonight?

RJ: Cocaine's a helluva drug.

DC as RJ: I'm sorry Charlie Murphy. Come here Darkness. Ahhhh!It's a celebration! Bitches, come here! It's a celebration, bitches. Show Charlie Murphy your titties. I'm Rick James. Heheheh. The milk's gone bad!

CM: That was the ebb and flow. It was, you know, he would go over the top, and then I would, you know, check him. And then, we would have fun after that. We're still friends as a matter of fact.

RJ: I love Charlie Murphy. But? we have it out. Smack each other upside the head. Smack each other in the face. Punch each other in the chest. kick each other.

RJ: Can you imagine two grown men doing this? Cocaine's a hell of a drug. Hahahah. I must be losing my mind, reminscining about Charlie Murphy kicking my ass. Ain't that a B?

pCe
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The Rose City Condor
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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Condor Kin

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It's been some time since the Rose City Condor flapped his mouth & wings. The winter solstice is creeping in and the Condor's about to fly South for a warm getaway. With there being Toros in the atmosphere the Spandex Spicollis have been in hiding, fearful of what the Condor will blog about them next. On a totally related E-bike note, my nephew is 13 and is a pretty crooshial kid with the intelligence that supercedes Uatu The Watcher

matched with a highly sarcastic wit that is a knock off the ol Rose City Condor block. A really straight laced kid really into iconic Marvel Heroes who hasn't yet hit the point of becoming a rose city kid into death metal and D&D. Or has he...? (which isn't a bad thing) He posted this....


AND I WAS SO PROUD!
Obviously not his own creation but kudos for posting it.
And now it's time for a cameo...
!!!!!!!pCe!!!!!!!
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THE ROSE CITY CONDOR
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Saturday, November 8, 2008

"I Will Fuck Your World"


HARVEY: Three pounds. Get the fuck out of here.
DIAMOND: I gotta move? Everyone else has been up. I don’t have to go anywhere…
HARVEY: Man, get this — somebody get his ass out of here! (Off-camera voice: “You’re done, Dustin”) You are fucking full of shit. I oughta, before you will tell me, I will beat your fuck — you must be out of your fucking part-time cartoon mind!
DIAMOND: (Turning to go) If you agree, we can set up the UFC…
HARVEY: Don’t you ever god damn motherfucking threaten me! God damn! Don’t you ever fucking threaten me!
DIAMOND: I did not threaten you.
HARVEY: You just god damn stood and said you fucking challenge me! I will wear your fucking ass out! Don’t you ever fucking threaten me! I’m hear to fucking help your fat ass!
DIAMOND: You put yourself in a protected spot…
HARVEY: No, you god-damn — first after you said you’d kick his ass, you said you’d kick mine! Why the fuck don’t you ever think?
DIAMOND: Did I say I’d kick your ass?
HARVEY: Yes you did!
IAN SMITH: You did.
HARVEY: You stood right there, and goddamn fucking said it!
DIAMOND: Can you roll the tape back? Is that what I said? Is that what I said?
HARVEY: You don’t want fuck over with me, boy, ’cause I’ll wear your fucking ass out.
DIAMOND: That’s a threat.
HARVEY: I will fuck your world
IAN SMITH: Go, Dustin. Go, Dustin…
DIAMOND: That’s the threat.
HARVEY: I think that… and you’re god damn right, It’s a fucking promise. It’s not a god damn threat. It’s a fucking promise! Don’t you ever, in your fucking life — in your fucking cartoon life… DIAMOND: (To stagehand) ….attack me on camera…
HARVEY: …ever fucking threaten me, bitch. ‘Cause I will wear your fucking ass out. Now you take that shit to your porn convention.
IAN SMITH: Get off the scales.
DIAMOND: I’m off the scales.
HARVEY: And if you ever fucking go to A, you better standby. Guarantee that shit, too. Now put that bitch on the VSPOT. Get the fuck out of here.
DIAMOND: Whatever.


It closes with Sgt. Harvey offering one final thought.
“He got away this time, but he’s lucky my home girl held me back.
“Because I was ready to dissect him.”
pCe!
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The Rose City Condor
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Friday, November 7, 2008

Dusty D's Done Dirt Cheap

It was Monday night and the Rose City Condor was about to drop some mad EbikeOnomics. Suddenly the Roman Emperoress was hacklin' and I was curious to see what Tracy Morgan lines had her bustin' a gut. The Rose City Condor was wrong this time around. Although I was partially correct with a brutha being involved (nope, no reverse OREO action, sorry kids. Maybe next time) it was none other than TUFF ASS Sgt.Harvey from Celebrity Fit Club BOOT CAMP layin' the verbal smackdown on a poor cracka (no pun intended) Screech Powers. Screech was going thru hard times, hence the 'poor cracka'. You see, puns work much better when you have to explain them thoroughly and throw down a link for further help. (Your fucking welcome Michael Kwan!) Otherwise known as Dustin Diamond (no relation to Mike D). It was around 8pm or a bit after so pretty much any sailor talk or bukkake scenes would be out of the question...save that shit for 9:01pm! Or FUCK THAT let's just sit and witness the mind BOTTLING event of CITY TV dropping the muthafuckin censor ball and hearing this shit straight up F BOMB JIHAD attack style. So we continued to laugh at the lack of bleeps and then laughed some more at fucking SCREECH POWERS receiving a verbal GHETTOBLASTER (RIP BAD NEWS BROWN) from Sgt. Harvey.

I'm torn between choosing the best 'mutha-fucka' administrator.
Samuel L?

Harvey?

OR

SGT. Doakes from Dexter.

BETTING ENDS!!!

pCe

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THE ROSE CITY CONDOR

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