Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Enter:The Condor

My new toy!
Need for a licence?
Peace!
Am I a total pump chump bitching about the price of gas while
upgrading from a Hummer to the monster truck used in Roadhouse?
Peace!

Sure maybe my new sweet ride isn't as fast as Bigfoot Fastrax
but really who or what is?


I've had my e-bike for about 2 weeks now and already I've encountered many douche rags who oppose the e-bike revolution. These include:
  • part-time roofer/full time dog-fucker douche wands who feel that it's righteous to honk & holla "get off the road before I get you off the road" while driving a total shit box camaro and having their girlfiend/kife hypnotize you with her beauty that is on par with a jpeg of an Arby's meat sandwich (taken from a commercial from '86. Eww. Gross) and aliens like these

  • fuck wad present day Tom Selleck (without moustache) Tour De Port Colborne cyclers who rock the Fashion Max quality spandex with logos from very questionable sponsors ('Fast Eddie's Good Shit N Stuff', Sweet Peppers Bush Party Hand Jobs') who stop at nothing to refer to your 'motorcycle' as not being allowed on bike trails and crying the blues.

  • fucking chi tub-a-lards who idolized Bam Bam Bigelow for his sick head tatt and feel the urge to yell 'Uh Oh, here comes Harley Davidson' all the while sitting outside a place of business Sopranso style (but looking more chi and nowhere as chill) arguing that even though they were all able to deposit some protein between the rear cheeks of their volunteer fire fighter buddy, they weren't 'no fucking fag'. The list goes on.

Anytime The Condor hits the streets the kids can't handle it. I feel the hate from fucks in cars and bicycles immediately. If you ride the streets they honk/yell/swerve/act like fuck tards. If you listen to their advice and ride the sidewalk (which totally kicks it up a notch) you receive the 'triple h' (honk/holla/"homo") treatment. But alas, the more heat there is the more you have to kick it up a notch.

Anyways, if you have any great e-bike related stories, e-bike rants, advice, suggestions for bike lane friendly routes in Niagara, hot tips on e-bike vendors/models, whatever e-shit you have, drop me a line and we can create an E-Bike Fascist Regime. In the meantime I'll have to fix this wack default layout shit and try to get a hndl on this html. Meep Mop.

pce,

The Rose City Condor